Show F E CV S B lliam IaM 0 alah Lc by P Q i copyright by george H doran co e FUN AND ACTION GALORE heres here something new in the way of humor a broadly humorous novel of english life by an englishman who has had the advantage of a postgraduate post graduate course in american humor lives inathe united states and writes largely for the american public P G there are not many englishmen who have succeeded in adapting their talents to american ideas of humor charlie chaplin and stephen leacock are tw two conspicuous examples mr lot got his education in england and began his literary career by conducting a funny newspaper column he made mada his debut as a novelist in 1902 and now has a dozen or more books to his credit in 1909 he came to the united states and his address Is now bellport L 1 I three men and a maid Is clean full of action and chockablock with amusing situations the maid Is wilhelmina Wll helmina bennett a nice american can girl redheaded red headed and full of pep one of the three men Is sam marlowe an amateur british golfer son of an eminent london lawyer another Is eustace hignett sams cousin son of mrs horace hignett the world famous writer and lecturer on theosophy the third Is brearn bream mortimer american his father and Wilhel minas father are lifelong friends and are bent on a match between their children the story opens in new york mrs hignett is about to begin a lecture tour she has eur eustace aacen with her her constant care Is 13 to sho shoo 0 the girls away from him since she Is a widow and the ancestral hignett estate belongs to him bennett has been pestering her to lease a crime in her eyes brearn bream informs mrs hignett that wilhelmina Wilhelm lna Is waiting for eustace at the little church round the corner mrs hignett pinches the trousers of her son Wilhelm lna billie for short thereupon calls the wedding off the author then gets his three men and a maid on the liner atlantic bound for england sam runs into billie and falls in love at first sight eustace mopes in his cabin heartbroken heart broken bream Is tentatively engaged to billie mrs hignett does not know billie Is on board neither does doea eustace sam poses as a hero and wins billie only to lose her eustace falls fails in love with jane a big game hunter billies traveling companion A pretty lively voyage thail eustace leases to bennett and presently the three men and the maid are all at the hignett home sam has rehabilitated himself with billie by another display of heroism eustace and jane are engaged cream brearn Is hanging around then appears mrs hignett with red in her aye ye action and fun calorel CHAPTER I 1 1 through the curtained windows of the furnished apartment which mrs horace clignett Ilig nett had rented tor for her toy in new york rays of golden sunlight peeped in like the foremost spies of some advancing army it was exactly eight and mrs airs clignett IlIg nett acknowledged the fact by moving her head bead on the pillow opening her eyes and sitting up in bed she always woke at eight precisely was this mrs hignett IlIg nett TUB THE mrs the world famous writer on theosophy the author of the spreading light what of the morrow and all the rest of that well known series rm glad you asked me yes tes she bhe was she bhe had come over to america on a lecturing tour the year 1921 it will be remembered was waa a trying one for the inhabitants inhabitant of the united states every boat that arrived from england brought a fresh swarm of british lecturers to the country novelists poets scientists dentists philosophers and plain ordinary botes some herd instinct teemed seemed to affect them nil all simultaneously mrs IlIg hignett nett had bad come OTI over er altti the first batch of immigrants for spiritual as an her writings were there was a solid streak of business sense in this woman and she meant to get hers while the getting was good she had not left england without a pang for departure had involved sacrifices rif more than anything else in the world she loved her charming home in the county of hamp chire for so BO many years rears the seat beat of the H hignett agnett family was waa as the breath of life to her its shady walks its silver lake its noble elms the old gray stone of its walls these were bound up with tier her very being she felt that she belonged to Win dies and to her unfortunately as a a matter of cold legal accuracy it did not she did but hold it in trust for her son eustace until such time as he should marry and take tahe possession of it himself there were times when the thought of eustace marrying and nd bringing ang a strange woman to chilled mrs hignett to her very marrow happily tier lier inn policy of keeping her son permanently under her eye at home and never permitting him to tn have speech with a female below the age ace of fifty had the peril up till now eustace had acco his mother to america it if was its ills faint snores which she could hear in the adjoining room as having bathed and dressed rhe flie went down the hall to where breakfast awaited lier her she smiled tolerantly she had never desired to convert her son to her own oan early rising habits for apart from rot cot allowing him to call his soul his own the she was nn an indulgent mother eustace would pet get up at half past nine long ions after abe had finished breakfast read her mall mail and started tier her duties for or the day breakfast was on the table in the room beside it was a little pile of letters mrs opened them as she ate the majority were from disciples and dealt with matters of purely theosophical interest there was an invitation from the Butte butterill Dut tonly rilY club asking her to be the guest of honor bonor at their weekly dinner there was M a letter from her brother mallaby r sir mallaby marlowe the eminent london lawyer saying that ills his MI sara bani of whom she had never ap proved would be in new york shortly passing through on his way back to england and hoping that she would see something of him altogether a dull mall mail mrs airs Ilig hignett nett had just risen from the oie table vi a hen there was a sound of voices in the hall and presently the domestic stall staff a gaunt irish lady of advanced jears entered the room maam there was a gentleman mrs hignett was annoyed her mornings were sacred you tell him I 1 was not to be disturbed 1 I did not I 1 loosed leased him into the parlor the staff remained for a moment in melancholy silence then resumed ile he says hes your nephew ills names marlow marlon e mrs airs IlIg clignett nett experienced no diminution of her annoyance she had not seen her nephew sam for ten years and would have been willing to extend the period she remembered him as an untidy small boy who once or twice during his school holidays had disturbed the cloistral peace of with his beastly presence however blood being thicker than water and all that sort of thing she supposed she would have to give him five minutes she went into the sitting room and found there a young man who looked more or less like all other young men though perhaps rather fitter than most ile he had bad a brown and amiable face marred at the moment by an expression of discomfort somewhat akin to that of a cat in a strange alley hallo aunt Adell adeline nel I 1 he be said awk well samuel said mrs hignett there was a pause mrs hignett nig nett who was not fond of young men and disliked having her mornings broken into was thinking that he had not improved in the sligh slightest degree since their last meeting and sam who imagined that he had long since grown to mans estate and put oft childish things was embarrassed to discover that his aunt still affected him as of old eliat Is to say she made him feel as if he had omitted to shave and in addition to that had swallowed some drug which had caused him to swell unpleasantly particularly about the hands and feet jolly morning said sam perseveringly verin gly so I 1 imagine I 1 have not yet been out thought id look in and see how you were that was very kind of you the morning Is my busy time but vei that was very kind of youl I 1 there was another pause how do you like america T said bald sam 1 11 I dislike it yes well ot of course some people do prohibition and all that personally it affect me I 1 can take it or leave it alone the reason I 1 dislike america 1 began mrs airs hignett bridling 1 I like it myself said sam ive had a wonderful time treated me like a rich uncle ive been in detroit you know and they practically gave cave me the lie city and asked me it if id like another to take home in my pocket never saw adyth anything aniss ng like it I 1 might havo have been the hilss ing ine heir I 1 think americas Amp ricas the greatest invention on record and what brought you to america said mrs airs IlIg clignett Ul enett nett unmoved by this rhapsody oh I 1 came oner ner to play golf in a tournament you know surely at your age said sirs airs ilig nett disapprovingly you could be better occupied do you spend your whole I iole time playing golf oh no I 1 hunt a bit and shoot a bit and I 1 swim a good lot and I 1 still play football occasionally 1 I wonder your father does not insist on your doing some useful work ile he Is beginning to harp on the subject rather I 1 suppose I 1 take a stab at it sooner or later father says 1 I ought to get married too ile he Is perfectly right 1 I suppose old eustace will be getting hitched up one of these days said sam mrs airs Ilig clignett nett started violently why do you say that eli eh what makes you say that oh well hes a romantic sort of fellow writes poetry and all that there Is no likelihood of eustace marrying ile he Is of a shy and retiring temperament and sees few women ile he Is almost a recluse sam was aware of this and had bad frequently regretted it ile he had bad always been fond of his cousin and in that half amused and rather patronizing way in which men of and sinews are fond of tax weaker brethren who run more to pallor and intellect and he had always felt that it eustace had not had to retire to to spend his life with a woman whom from his earliest years he always considered the empress of the wash outs much might haie h no been mode made of him both at school and at oxford eustace had been it if not a sport at least a decidedly ch cheery ry old bean sam remembered eustace at school breaking pas gas globes with a slipper in a positively rollicking manner lie ile remembered him at oxford placing ing up to him manfully at the piano on the occasion when lie he had done that imitation of frank tinney tanney which had been such a hit q al the trinity smoker yes eustace had had the making of a pretty sound egg and it was too bad that he had al owed lowed his mother to coop him up down in n the country miles away from anywhere eustace Is returning to erizland on saturday said mrs IlIg clignett nett she spoke a little wistfully she had not been parted from her son since he had come down from oxford and she would have liked to keep him with her till the end of her lecturing tour that however was out of the question it was imperative that v while hile she was away he should be at windi es nothing would have induced her to leave the place at the mercy of 0 servants who might trample over the flower beds scratch the polished floors and forget to cover up the canary at night lie he sails on the atlantic splendid said sam pm im sailing on the atlantic myself ill po go down to the office and see it if we cant have a stateroom together but where Is he going to live when he gets to england where Is he be going to live why at of course where else but I 1 thought you were letting for the summer sirs mrs hignett stared letting Win diest I 1 she spoke as one might address a lunatic what i y letting Win windless windiest Wind lesl diest she spoke a one might address a luna lunatic tic put that extraordinary idea into your bead headd 1 I thought father said something about your letting the place to some boine american nothing of the kindl it seemed to sam that his aunt spoke somewhat vehemently even snappishly in correcting what was a perfectly natural mistake lie he could not know that the subject of letting tor for the summer was one which haq had long since begun to infuriate mrs biro hignett people had biad certainly asked to let in fact people had bad pestered her there wax was a rich fat mm man an american named 13 bennett ennett whom she had met jut just before kt at her ber brot brothers broth hars ri house bouse la in london lie la kited down to for the day mr bennett had fallen in love with the tha place and had begged her to name her own oin price not content with this he ha had pursued her hla his pleadings by means of the wireless telegraph while she wits was on the ocean and irad had not given up the struggle veu even when she reached new york lie ile had egged on a friend of his a mr air mortimer to continue the persecution in that city no wonder then that sams sama allusion to the affair had caused the authoress of the spreading light momentarily to lose tier her customary calm nothing will induce me ever to let she said with finality and rose significantly sam perceiving that the alie audience was at an end and glad of it also got up well I 1 think ill be going down and seeing about that stateroom he said certainly I 1 am a little busy just now preparing notes tor for my next lecture of course yes interrupt you I 1 suppose youre having a great time gassing away I 1 mean well goodby good by I 1 good byl airs clignett IlIg nett frowning for the in had ruined ruffled her and disturbed that equable frame of mind which la Is so vital to the preparation of lectures on theosophy sat down at the writing table and began to go through the notes which she had made overnight she had hardly succeeded in concentrating herself when the door opened to admit the daughter of erin once more maam there was a gentleman this Is intolerable 1 cried mrs lira hignett did you tell him that I 1 was busy 1 I did not I 1 loosed him into the dining room Is he a reporter from one of the newspapers he Is not ile he has spats and a tall shaped hat ills name Is dream bream mortimer bream mortimer yes maam ue he handed me a bit of 0 a byard but I 1 dropped lt it being from the dishes sirs mrs Ilig clignett nett strode to the door with a forbidding expression this as she had justly remarked was intolerable she remembered brearn bream mortimer lie he was the son of the mr air mortimer who was the friend of the mr dennett bennett who n anted this visit could anly have to do with the subject of windier and she went into the dining room in a state of cold fury determined to squash the mortimer family once and for all dream bream mortimer was tall and thin lie he had small bright eyes and a sharply curving nose lie he looked much more like a parrot than most parrots do it gave strangers a momentary shock of surprise when they saw dream bream mortimer in restaurants eating roast beef they had the feeling that he would have preferred sunflower seeds morning mrs IlIg clignett nett please sit down brearn bream mortimer sat down he looked as though lie he would rattier rather nae ha hopped onto a perch but he sat down lie he glanced about the room with gleaming excited eyes mrs IlIg clignett nett I 1 must haie hae a word with you alone you are having a word with in alone 1 I hardly know how to begin then let roe me help p you it Is quite impossible I 1 will never consent dream bream mortimer started then you have heard 1 1 I have heard about nothing else since I 1 met mr bennett in london mr air bennett talked about nothing else your father talked about nothing else and now cried mrs IlIg clignett nett fiercely ner cely you come and try to reopen the subject once and for all nothing wilt will alter my decision no money will voll induce we me to let my house but I 1 come about that I 1 you did not come about good lord nol then will you kindly |