Show r Mr Dooley on Flying n Machines y F P DUNNE Copyright ae 1909 O by H H l Company m Well sir said Mid Mr Hennessy Hennell Y Id Td like to oom back a rd years yean yea fm now an ee see what has happened since I 1 was away Think tv Iv th changes b be made be th thO machines I dont want to think about th fly y yin in machines said Id Mr Kr Dooley Ivry time I 1 think iv th tho machines I J think iv th Wright brothers broth an I 1 think Iv th tho Wright brothers it makes me mad What have they done donee says saya ye e Why then disgraced us lowered us in th ayes eyes iv They wint over there an behaved Just juet as they the at home Think iy ly a s man Dayton toMS a king th tho tame game as he toads tord th mayor iv Dayton I ton Were It Its to be bea a 1 hard thing fr tr us to regain r ln our pres An how weve fr it As 8 Ive of ott often tea told ye yEt a few years EltUS ago liga fr Yr to distinguish an American Vm erf can amur a waiter walter They wore were th same sae clothes both per perspired freely an both were eager an an afraid they doin doln th right thing I 1 dont blame th signs iv i iv a haughty fr at thim an ham an eggs ec But today thanks to th tho Iv our diplomatic service theres no DO excuse t fr f r ranny army anny makin such a break ur fur diplomats has h placed on onu onI ona a u I where they command re Th rule in en coort court circles is 18 In th tho American look at th legs s Niver mind th tho head If Ii th hire hireling hireling ling Ung ye have bave spare ribs an spinach has bas on knee can cancel cancel cancel cel th tho om her Th Tb man Is th tit Ameri American can ambas An It ony th thO diplomats that have got us in right with th thO effete gov mints Iv Europe Ivry year thousands iv volunteers v goes goe abroad to square us usan usan an establish relations thin they tTe at home bome They supply th thO an th tho supply th tho re no relations relation lations lation They Th y have done fine wurruk f ft fr r us WI yet et they preserve their alIt Theres no an Ameri American American can who has lies lived anny army length Iv time in England gland Theres no him f fr r an Englishman No Englishman however howl vel bold he be might be aven if he was wu born in Canada cud be as much iv ivan Ivan ivan an Englishman Ela U hman as an American Amedean with money An English accent a nt wafted through an American nose none is a fine noise But our fellow abroad are to their They admit its faults candidly it is le II They The con concede concede cede that it is to what they find around thim But they stand up bravely fr it in spite iv it all aU Hogan who has been over there says that naw thin over iver thrilled him more thin to hear a rich American up ft fr f r his own his native land No wan says this here no wan deplores more thin me th class clau iv Americans wan sees so often otten abroad But ye must ray says he that we are not all alike There are over there t I as well as II here says MS he ne I I must be goin says ys th Englishman con convinced convinced convinced vinced be th thO ar arg mint Hogan says he heard heerd a two hours hoars with a a out outto outto outto to him that there were w re two kinds iv Americans Th see it Th result is III iv coerce that we stand much thin we did Americans Iv th tho class 86 arre received near neer nearly ly IY They can be found out oui outside ouide outside side de Iv th tho most exclusive clubs They aven invade an are welcome welcom in th sa ea sacred sacred cred precincts Iv Exeter hall hail There are almost as manny Americans as Englishmen at th relict MIlot can club on th thO nights they have dinners There they mingle on an akel footing with some iv th most re retired retired retired tired th British h harmy army disdains dl thim not Ivry In lo awhile an American lady goes to th American American emba embassy sy an breaks brooks in into Into Into to th private office where here Whitelaw Reid is settin atin aUn his hourly meal mool Iv tay an She threatens to stab him with a hat pin an have him recalled he gets her a pass fr ft th next give be th king Ye bet bethe bethe bethe he gets it f ft fr r her He gets tickets f ft fr r an Silas SUa an they go out an hire a iv to teach thim how to behave so they wont be heaved But ut be th thO coort bouncer Th lady says aas th thO on bein hem pre to his majesty will wUl to be goin to set down on th tho flure But she must recover her Just ju t as she is about to lose 1088 her balance In no case must she hit th king on th wrist with her fan fanor fanor fanor or say y Placed to have met ye It Is ison ony on permissible to wear an expression mania manin This is ill th moment iv me lite U but oh me ine feather is Iscom cemin com In loose lo Th will pre tind that he be was brought up to wear W silk slik knee breeches an a tin hired f ft fr r th h his majesty maSty he will make mako a low bow bony No not that way wa Good if ye yedo yedo yedo do It like that th thO king will think yere goin to butt him in th thO stomach It again So they go home an rehearse th thO lookin glass e An at last th great greet day comes around an they are in th iv moment There sets set Edward th thO Pious a monarch wits his hie rile chin sunk as deep in his rile collar as it will go He sets a little forward in en his hilll throne to rest himself f ft fr r th thO hour is III late an ara hes been there f fr r some time an as th old satin goes lies th thO head that wears w a crown He recognizes thim although his eyes ee are closed close They him to say Well if It that aint Missus MINUS Hicks An Silas too ivall Iv all persons But he dont A benign be expression that seems seem to sty say Where th thO blazes did they come crosses CroMeS his features An they know it there on their way back to th hotel an Missus Hicks is sayin Aint flint he th man manan an Mister Hicks replies Ivry vry inch a aking aking aking king kingAn An its th thO same ame way in Europe Americans th right kind iv Americans with money are poplar Ye can s in cabs with th thO haughty iv th thO San Germayne Ye find thim in th most exclusive schnitzel Iv or loela their money with th thO beet at Monty Carlo they were received kindly be th thO best beet blood iv tv Europe th Wrights want wint over an d disgraced thim Th Americans livin over there to do fr tr those there t e deluded young men Why sir wan Iv th thO lead leaders leaders leaders ers iv American Ameri an in London got Wilbur Wright Fright a chant chanet to meet th thO Duchess iv Dorking It was this way Th American lady had been honored with th thO job Iv th thO American bar barat barat barat at a bazar fr th benefit iv th tho anti antl foreign league l g iv British h She was approached be th thO Duchess who spoke as follows My dear I 1 cant re recall recall recall call name nor wish wl to but wont ye bring those thOle Americas J Wrights to lunch tomorrah r says ays she Oh Ob eer grace says th queen iv tv American ty we have been so long lang longaway away th thO states that we dont know hardly there Who are these Wrights says bays ys she be They come came some place called Obese Dayton or Dayton Daton Ye YEt have such amusin names fr fler cities says say ys th duchess Oh ye mane Dayton Ohio says lIlya th American We Iv Cencin naty know very few people in Dayton Oh but says ys th tho duchess duche ye must moat know those e dear delightful Wrights those darlin ma machines machines machines chines Ye must bring thim to me m Ye mind comin with thin thim If It ye dont want to says she Wall WaH W I will ye y believe me Wilbur Wright w go so goNo soNo goNo No sir he said he he had to make some repairs in th machine an he thought t ht hed surround a couple Iv hard baled an n a piece Iv pie in t th tl machine shot shop boJ They were lilt act to go to placed places that some Iv our stateliest abroad ony knew be name an they ge go Thousands iv 1 Americans Americana busted into be that they thay come rm Dayton an knew th tho Wrights They slat Bint over to this coun an got copies caples iv Iv Dayton Daton th thO Iv th cash to th thO day so that a noble jook took said Ye arre hm America Amer America AmerIca ica Tell me something g about Dayton not be embarrassed an perhaps per a fired out iv th thO house houte as imposters im But they cud do with th thO Wrights These foolish young men wint on ham away at their machine an th king iv Spain eat ast t to be led ted to thim an an American told them thim iv 1 th tho honor that was waa rom gain to be beh hurled h onto them thim they said On Oh Is it that young you C fellow tetlow Wen Well bring him over An tills here ex exalted exalted exalted alted monarch deigned to speak to thim they said 1 Z I quite catch th tho name Oh th thO king iv Spain Glad to have met ye If yell ye excuse me Ill go p goon pon goon on with our wurruk Boy go an flit fill that can with lie lee while Im mm on me overalls An there ye arre It will take a long time th thO bad im ha impression impression created be thim will wear off oft Dye think well all be soon asked aKed Mr hUh Faith I dont know said Kid Mr Dooley Doctor Y ry Ye never alvar can tell ten what this here her little HUh rue ram IT fa mm men will wUl do Weve gone a long way Man Mall can fly now JIOW almost as 8 well as a hen het with a busted wing w ing ng Bat But I tont dont t think th kind Iv well fiver iver I do da will look much Aka lik tabs rale to a wild goose gooM pin join south with his H It I was a ma machine machine chine swan man in a con n made mad iv IY steel eel an u wood an all ate canvas an run b be 01 an u called tt It Id to IN ashamed to look a goose in lit th tho iad fa What Im afraid Iv is that these here h re machines will win make us usa usa a joke among mOD th thO iv th air Ip Up to they looked up to us wt i they looked down on Oft us ua an see ass th tho won thongs things we end cud do with our feet But they say ay they the see we dont fly tIT army anny aDD more gracefully thin they walk Phap they see a machine mc bM in III th tho air they dont think were They think tares theres been an anIn explosion i In m a machine shop hop anyhow said Mid Mr Hennessy Henness Id IcI like to corns come back a years now DOW an at see Me bow how It all comes out Ye wild said aid Mr Dooley an Ill bet re ye this that if it ye 78 come back baek on two thousand an nine an I 1 come back on an meet Hogan Hoganan an act ai him what ye arre doln doin hell helt say 11 Hes got pt a good pod job at a dollar an vent a day a barrow la In laa Ina a machine An thin Ill have to tart start a liquor shop mop again to jive give ye th tho ony taste tate hr tv yeU iver Ivel have |