| Show The Hotel Clerk on Indicting Bankers B BY IRVIN IRVI S COBB COBe n Did they indict any more of them bankers today asked the House De Detective Detective Detective of the St Reckless as he ha saw the Hotel Clerk glancing gl over the ticker tickertape tickertape tape Only two said the Hotel Clerk A big fuzzy one and a small slick one It must have been an off oft day with the th grand Jury They certainly have been the hot mucilage into em lately opined the House Detective They have that said the Hotel Clerk Its got so that a grand jury counts that day lost whose low declining declinIng declining ing sun sees no bank president on the therun therun therun run as the poet says sas Indicting bank bankers ers Larry has become the national in indoor indoor indoor door sport of the lower and middle classes It has taken the place former Cormer formerly ly Iy held laId in the popular affection by the game gume of pinochle at five cents cente a L corner and ten cents setback no longer holds the fancy of the com common common common mon people as it once did The great passion of the republic is 15 gigging for bank presidents with the deadly three tined fish spear Any day now Ill be prepared to receive the news that warrants are out for John D Rocke Rockefeller R feller alias John Dough alias the Ui i Ute alias the Man Ian Higher Up and his two fellow malefactors Thomas Fortune Ryan commonly known as the Virginia Creeper and J Pierpont Mor Morgan Morgan gan the notorious head of the Wall Van WallStreet WallStreet Street Black Hand on the charge of knowingly knowin ly having cash money In their possession not like this in the days when we ve were investigating the old ly 1 in insurance companies Larry The lower orders in this country lost the proper respect for great riches and social prominence then When word was brought to the grand jury that the and the and the been handing the policy pol policy polIcy icy holders a few clandestine wallops on the point of the assets or fouling them below the surplus the foreman of that august body would say in a grieved tone Gentlemen such things can not be The eldest daughter of the married a count The occupy one one of the handsomest homes lomes on upper Fifth avenue I my myself myself myself self have the honor of a speaking ac acquaintance acQuaintance acquaintance with old Mr youngest son Percival Mike a love lovely lovely lovely ly young fellow who plays polo divine divinely ly and is the best set in Newport To indict such men as these would be to strike a blow at our most sacred institutions such as the Million Millionaires Millionaires aires alres club and the Meadowbrook hunt huntI I move therefore that the incident be closed dosed Arid and nd it was closed Larry But what a difference three short years ears have worked Money lIon y In Jn large chunks now fails fans to inspire reverence iJ kers ers and nd a white pique vest on week weekdays weekdays days are no longer things Ao to conjure with By Br the time the Irish god of ot day has reddened r d the jocund east the th grand jury foreman is up in his pajamas and down at the front door doo to get the morning paper and see what bank presidents are being prominently mentioned on the front page After which lie he reads read a chapter from his favorite author luthor Tom Lawson and U 9 I finds him at the courthouse with his work for the day da cut cutout out for him hard at it indicting bank presidents in alphabetical order when up riss ris a grand Juror who in his private private private vate capacity runs a delicatessen emporium em emporium emporium in West Two Hundred and street My fellow members says this jur juror juror juror or I feel very keenly keen I about this mat matter matter matter ter I have 1894 1891 tied up in the Sol Savings Savin s institution n which closed the other day with a loud crash and which is going to pay payout out 3 per cent on the dollar if were lucky I move that we Indict the whole lot lotof lotof lotof of them in a lump Everybody votes aye and the jurors go goo home to din dinner dinner ner with the feeling of men who have done their duty and enjoyed themselves them themselves themselves selves while doing it Up until a few months ago aco any banker could go g to Europe with im impunity ImpunIty impunity and come back again with even ev eVEn n greater impunity But now as soon as ashe ashe ashe I he clears Sandy Hook Hoole on the way out the grand Jury begins taking Notice of him On his return he is met at quarantine by an enthusiastic party composed of deputy sheriffs county de detectives detectives police sergeants blacksmiths carrying handcuffs and an law lawyers lawyers assistant district attorneys s U US US US S marshals reporters special writers lady Journalists photographers photographer sketch artist criminologists and large After he has h s been properly chained by the wrists and ankles and accurately measured for the Rogues gallery the newspaper neWE men mell are per permitted p permitted r to ask him to explain how H happened that the great institution over which he lately presided had ill 11 in as assets assets assets sets awl ani in liabilities Gentlemen Gen Gentlemen Gentlemen says the prisoner making vain efforts to cross his legs and put his hands In n his pockets Gentlemen the whole blame for this lamentable con condition condItion condition of affairs rests with the president president president dent of this country I refer reter to the creature Roosevelt Theres great feel feeling feelIng feeling ing against Roosevelt Larry Larr among both the th bankers who are out ont on ball bail n and those that nT nf been indicted yet The outburst of applause which follows the mention of o his nama name at a banquet of the Bankers association sounds like somebody passing p under the influence of ot chloroform be b astonished to t see s how many man tee teetotallers teetotallers teetotallers are present p when hEn they drink the toast tout to the president at a social gathering of New York financiers A bank Larry Is something like a alady aladY alady lady Its above suspicion n until some somebody somebody somebody body whispers a word against it and andin andin andin in hours its it reputation Is Isas Isas isas as full of holes as the back end of a n shooting gallery g on a Saturday night We Ve gaze gaz with undisguised awe on the noble edifice with Avith Its Us marble pipers and its floors and md its night watchman dressed in the full dress uniform of ot a Brazilian general and carrying In his hand a dingus with which to slay the errant cockroach that skims athwart the onyx wainscoting We Ve contemplate humbly a receiver teller who insults us when he takes our money away from us and we bow before a payer p yer who swears at atus atus atus us when we want to draw out some of it We Ve peer p er longingly through the grating of ot the gilded cage where they keep that frequent bird of ot passage the cashier and feast our eyes upon those rare old masters the pictures on the certificates We e see small but haughty r boys dart Ing hither and yon with kings ran ransoms ransoms ransoms In hi their careless young hands We catch the sound as the porter shovels shovels shovels els coin Into the vaults downstairs with the abandon of a janitor stoking an au anthracite stove And we say sa r to one another This Institution is one of the few Cew things which no storm can shake But tomorrow morning before break breakfast breakfast breakfast fast somebody starts a report that the president has been detected in the act of ot selling off his automobiles and by noon the front doors are closed and some nine thousand depositors are banked on the sidewalk In Jn front with their bank books clutched in their hands qualifying for tor active membership member membership membership ship in the club and looking for a chance 16 to t lynch the directors hI I guess this bankin busi business business business ness is a kind of or give gie and ami take game anyway said the House Rouse Detective Yes but when the depositor does all the giving and the banker does does all the taking it loses its charm said the Hotel Clerk |
