Show ANECDOTES AN CONCERNING CO NC ER NING PEOPLE Chivalry Senator S was as atta king an of offender f C fender who had pleaded a hj hypocritical and false excuse Why Yh he be cried the man Is worse than that rich rih coal dealer who said to his weigh clerk during a blizzard Jim make that ton of coal eoal for Smith pounds short Mrs Ir Smith is a poor delicate widow and she will have hae to carry all of ot it up two IWO t o steep flights of ot stairs I dont want her to overtax her strength Sunshade I On Mme Im last visit to us said laid a manager she he was a as beguiled one afternoon to a charity charit bazaar at the St SU Regis R ls She was beautifully beautIful dressed in gray eras with an umbrella of ot gray silk and aa as sh she stood at the embroidery booth she laid the umbrella on the counter co instantly Instant the young girl who con I ducted duct d the booth seized the pretty prett um urn brella waved aed It over mer her head and cried How Hon Ho much am I bid for tor Mme me Bern I hardts umbrella Fifty iren en enAnd And while the actress looked look d on smil ing lag there ensued a n spirited auction that ended brewer In the umbrellas umbrella s sale Sal l to a western estern brewer breer for tor 90 It Go Down It Is often claimed that artists and anI scientists should not marry A wife and family the contention runs rons divert dhert a i man mans s thoughts from pure art or pure science science ad ence enee to moneymaking mone and In other ways wa besides they the detract di and arid constrain him Henry James Jam s who ho is usually serious de fended fended the above claim rather frivolous ly Iy at a dinner in New York on his last visit t For example he said a friend of mine declared one night that he believed In study No o l onS one can learn in a life lite time all that should be known he said sald A man ought never neer to assume that his education is complete I must and will keep abreast of ot the times time and I propose to begin egin the thc study of astronomy at once Jerome ierome said his hi wife calmly oun have hae to think of ot some better excuse than that for staying out to all hours of the night i Young America l The late Ferdinand I th the critic said of o America In one of his witty speeches In St StLouis II Louis Loul You owe your progress in great part to your our Inordinate energy en erg and ambition This takes you ou very ery youna a wonderful thing but a little hard and pitiless There Is i no room for old age In America I remember calling on a friend of mine in Brooklyn one afternoon A boy of nine or ten years ears opened the door doorIs Is ls Mr Brown laD InT In said paid I 1 II 1 I am Mr Ir Brown the boy bO answered But perhaps you ou want ant to see aee old Mr I Brown my m father tather Precaution Dr Samuel O G Dixon Penns noted health commissioner is III waging a fight n ht against a the public drinking cup Dr Dixon said one day In Harrisburg r I have seen seln people clean their teeth with Ith tooth powder and dental floss rinse their mouths with listerine and other anti antiseptic antiseptic antiseptic septic washes and then go and drink calmly from front the public cup In a railway station sta or a Such people remind me tee of a schoolboy of Ardmore Seeing this boy wading ank d deep p In Ina Ina Ina a puddle on day In January I said sternly Tommy Tomm why wh are you ou not at school I Ive 16 got the whooping cough he an nn answered answered splashing about vigorously The Personal Aspect Congressman Perkins was talking about his bill for a progressive inheritance tax Even SEven a billionaire he said would approved of ot this bill if It he looked at it in a abroad broad broadway wy nut But few tew billionaires look at such things broadly Everything to them has but the te theon on narrow personal aspect They are much like the old lady ladr i io o 0 seeing a storm signal asked what It was She was told that the weather bureau now studied the weather and telegraphed Its forecasts far in advance all over the country The old woman oman being per p r onal could seo see but one advantage in it and ih ho he said Oh lent that convenient c for the washerwomen A Good Recommendation William J 3 Flynn the secret service agent was discussing dis a certain German burglar alarm with a New X w York reporter It Tt was this alarm he said with a laugh augh that a thickset man called on a hardware dealer about ld Id like to sell Rell you cheap 4 burglar alarms he said Are you OU a manufacturer the hard hardware hardware ware warp dealer asked Xo sir was the reply Im Tm a bur burglar burglar glar ghr A Modest Request Apropos of Mr Car latest gift an editor taking out his notebook said Bald the other day dayI da I 1 CHit can tell you OU of a gift of oC that Mr Ir Carnegie once refused to give Let me read you ou the letter asking for this his I gift With Hh a laugh he read Dear Mr Ir Carnegie Understanding that you ou are arl blessed bl erl at present with Ith an unusual al surplus of Income and knowing well your generous spirit and desire to do good to those who will help I want ant antto to ask you rou to make me a of When Ihen hen I was a young man my m mother gave my m a hymn book which I faithfully used It is now thanks to my m efforts worn om out and I 1 think it should be b re replaced replaced replaced placed and you OU are the man to do this Appreciating to the full tull tile the generous deeds that have hep made your our name Illus lUus Illustrious in this and other countries and be believing lieving that in making me thin this donation you ou will be bl carrying earr ng on the spirit of o your our work I am yours ours faithfully h MARK TWAIN TW AI P S Dont send the hymn book send the dollar and fifty firt cents M 31 I T Gets There Just the Same Hilary K Adair the de detective detective was complimented In Galveston on an arrest that he had made The arrest had been b en mysteriously achieved and Mr Ir AdaIr was asked to explain It This though he hI refused to todo todo todo do There are art so M many ways was of catching criminals he said laughing You know what the old man told his Ills wife She Bhe said first to him Dont talk John You cant say I ever eer ran after atler you ou ouI True the old man assented And yota cant say sav the trap ever runs juns after I the mouse either but it gathers him In Just the same III lii That speech was as said laid Sen Senator Senator Senator ator Collum referring to a colleagues too outspoken addres address qt It reminds me of a speech that a widow made to her new husband one the honeymoon Oh h she he sighed throwing herself In Inthe Inthe Inthe the manto arms how happy happ poor dear James Jamel would be If It he could only know by b what an agreeable gentleman gen leman he has been replaced Mistaken Identity An alumnus of ot St Stephens college said sall of ot the late lat Bishop George G orge F Seymour Bishop Seymour founded St Stephens Stephen s sand and we treasure here h re many man anecdotes anecdote about his The bishop was very vel fond of ot trees trets and one day walking with a young oung lady lad he pointed out to her some Bome of ot the fine tine trees in the neighborhood She professed great interest and delight She cried How Hot the noble aspect of beautiful trees stirs UP tin the keenest emotions of the soul roul Then patting a great rough rOuga trunk she went ent on You superb oak what would you ou say sar to me if you ou could talk The bishop smiled 1 believe bellee I can be his Interpreter he h murmured He would probably say sa I 1 Ibey beg bey be your our pardon miss I am ant a beech |