Show Old Stories Stori s Revised R ois d By George Ade I up lit I I j I l H I 4 1 1 5 sn I I t I 1 S 4 j he Kc saul s the Coffee Coff WAS excellent I rany any yrs jears ago Alice visited Won f fit u it land The things that happened to her were Yere out lout as much mu h on the Circus Order as that happened to Lawson if Jf t Alice had not been an innocent IK ht u uti tit ti Tike TI e with Flaxen Curls one would I Ir h led 4 to that fliRt just before visIt 1 Ig g Wonderland she had smoked a I freen Pill pm about the size aize of a Hickory Nut iu ut utBy By counting up the years you OU will 1 ow Of that Alice is now In Full Bloom Bloomis fh h is 19 beginning bt to look a little bulky bulk Around the th Shoulders and is Interested i 1 i i he the Ads of the Beauty Doctors again will Alice Allee keep on two I until a rosy light suffuses the intern Sky Once she was Queen of iTic rotene known as the Young Youn Mar MarI I fd cd People which for Speed and En Eni i ursine e makes the Kid Set look like a aI I inch of disabled Quitters Xo ow sn ne n is weaving a Blanket and andt ii t a new neU Generation of Recent Brides c rl the lIlt Scorching AlkIs Vice s notion of good lively linly Employ Employment ment at the present Moment is to be of something She e la It interested in all Charitable a le Enterprises En that will wiD k o I Her heli nanC in th no nold cd old ld NewspApers pers at atthe t the top of Jt the Col tol Column ol Imn and next nest to Pure Reading Matter Mattur Years Tears ago she discovered that In h or orr dr cr r to enjoy all nil the Iges of her Sex and acquire the fullest I liberty she would have to be a 11 Mar Marr Marred ted red r ed Woman Many friends gave her the Tip thai Matrimony was advisable the same ame as a bf ing Vaccinated Accordingly ly she ehe did dida and a d now nov she has a Home of 1 her hr own owna a nope Rope of Pearls an Angora Angom Cat a portable Vapor Bath a private Brough Brougham am and a couple of Children One Ine morning not long ago ao a o when Alice arose feeling fling that she did n need a Facial Falat Massage and amI about a peck peak of It Promo she knew at once that during IV HIP Night Ight she hid hd been transported to tott tote tt te Realm of the Impossible e Sure enough when she aroused the theother theether other ether I her Half of ot the th t l avid told him that it was not n y i Time lout but possibly he would like tg get up u uhe he be did not draw the BedClothes B Clothe over 1 Ig ii head and mumble and an Cuss but cheerily ch out Irto the middle r 1 th floor and went ent to his Ablutions a blithesome tune tU The children piled plied out long before anyone one went to call all them and were ere seated in the Library Upon their theil School Lessons A At breakfast not Dot read Newspaper and ignore the remainder of the Family Circle He raM the Cof te Ite was waB excellent and not Ot once onre during the fie meal did he poke at anything on om hs his h and want to know now what In Thunder it was wu wa After Uter breakfast he kissed Ms Ns wife on ont the t heel hee instead Int ad of missing her Ear Earb bv br b about an inch and when she Irel him im to take his he did dill not wy ray something under his Breath but tout thanked her most warmly for her Thoughtfulness and said salol she was one Woman in a Million When the Children started for School little Robert insisted on going ing along with Susie he cui carry her Books for her They The were to depart explaining to their Mamah Maniah that I they were desirous of acquiring as much Useful Knowledge as possible tl In order to fit themselves for the LimO Solemn lemn Responsibilities of After Life Alice Allee went back to inspect the Kitch Kitchen en and found round the breakfast litter utter all alt cleared away and everything neat as asa asa asa I a pin Cook was in a polite humor and ard said she had no Complaints to make The Range drew beautifully and the Butcher had been sending Meat Also AlS she would not care to have haye any Afternoon Out After leaving the kitchan Mica Alice met Marie the Maid laid who showed herthe her th the fragments of a Vase i It did not fall faU off all by itself ox I C Marie I L J was dusting and J knocked It off ocr Never mind said sald Alice I will miot liOt deduct It from your Pay It Is ts of no noi i value whatever My brother nW not bring lf back hack Irm frOIT Paris We Vt got it il ilIth with Ith a I Pound of Tea r Alice AU wished to do some ome shopping but inasmuch as the weather was in inclement inclement inclement clement she decided that It t would not be humane to keep the clipped Horses Hors s sand and the Coachman hman waiting for fO r her in inthe inthe I the bl street et for an Hour at a I Stretch so 50 she attired herself warmly without reference to Looks ind went over to the corner c to grab a Trolley The Car stopped promptly prompt w cn the he I gave the High Sign and the th Mot i iwas I was careful to have the Back Step to tOI o near the Crossing that Alice Allee would not have to trail through the Mud Iud IudIn In helping her aboard the tire Conductor C did not handle hante her h r as If s she he were third class Freight Fr but assumed the gentle and chivalrous manner of a Leader of the Cotillon Cotmon There were no unoccupied Seats but buta butI a Gentleman aro aros arose e prompt promptly I ly and begged Alice to take his place whereupon she thanked him cordially The Car was at a it comfortable lc Tern Tem Temperature neither too hot nor too cold and Alice Allee noticed that the Passengers did not look as if it they were on their I way down to the Morgue lloque to Identify i semI same Remains The Conductor gave no sign of impatience Impatience impatience I tience while Alice Alico was s hor self for the Nickel Nl i l because be a ie the she J had hd d It a so o soS kissed S f her herC 0 C r t i it t ti I I r u d t I II 0 I I I I I iI iII I I q t I I t ti tI Z i I j C 1 LL I a r u I t 1 o all ready for him His Uniform was neat and the appearance of his Hands did not arouse the suspicion that possibly bly he had been putting in a ton of ot Soft Coal He stopped the car at the Right Cor Corner Corner Corner ner without being reminded a 3 second time As the passengers alighted a large odorless Automobile waited re respectfully respectfully until the Pedestrians were safely out of the way As Alice Allee entered the Department Store she was not boosted from behind by b the Revolving Door She found the proper Counter with without without without out any trouble whatsoever and an spoke to the Saleslady as if IC the latter aught ml ht be bc a ure re enough Human Being This Young Lady in m answering ques questions questions looked d right at Alice instead al of studying the designs on the Ceiling Alice after quickly buying what sIte she wanted and getting her Change almost almot immediately took occasion to tor compliment ment the Young Toung Lady and Inquire as US asto to her Welfare Vel fare We are very yer happy here the smiling The Hours ate are short sl ort and we can sit down whenever we get tired and every Saturday S night the Boss pushes a whole hole lot of o Money ou Oh us Would you yoube ou be good enough to spec fy the Hour at Bundles will be asked Alice They will be delivered this after aner afternoon afternoon noon n on replied the Saleslady S When un Alice returned home hOUle that even cen ing she learned that the had come to the house shortly before 1 I Before leaving the Department Store I Alice Allee met a Friend and they wont wn to Luncheon together This proved d to be a restful Experience Ex rl ence encl as neither of them had any Trou Troubles Troubles Troubles bles to tell to the other and they were not particularly interested in sizing up the other Women to see what they the w wore ore Alice instead of ordering ord ring a Lettuce Sandwich and a Glass of Malted Milk cut in just the tle same as if there had been a Man there to pay Ole Check She settled the whole Bill herself and did not make any Bluff Blut about wanting to pay her share and wonder wondering wondering ing In if she ohe he could get a Large Bill changed Alice AIIce tipped the Waiter Valter a Quarter in I stead of a Dime but the Waiter alter pushed it back I There is no good reason why wh I 1 should accept a Gratuity said the tho Waiter The Proprietor gives Ives me mc a liberal Salary and the tile charges for vari arl various var arlous ous Items on the Carte Carto du Jour Tour ire ar so graduated as theoretically to include I Service The Tipping System serves to 10 demoralize us a d make us fawning de dependents d It has a tendency to cau cati c cus cus us to neglect or treat with scant civility those who cannot afford to do the JohnW John lotin W tv Gates Act It is enough h for an any Walter Waiter to know that he lie has done rIone his Ills Duty Alice was so affected by this exhibition tion don of Professional Pride and high minded Regard for Ethics Ethic that she shook hands with the Waiter Waler and Ind promised to send him a Book rI af which wh n for th the Jub Meeting M 1 This Club of which she wad iv n if the Arc Lights had bad been a for forno no particular Purpose except to give gle a large number of the Unemployed d a 3 good excuse for rounding up some somewhere somewhere where once a Week It was not trying to regulate Con Congress Congress Congress gress or ox apply Germicide to most of the literature turned out by the Male Mate Sex The Tho organization was simply go to going ing log along alone without any an Ostentation or Newspaper Notoriety trying to teach Woman that the Home was her prin principal princIpal cipal Sphere of ot Usefulness and that she ehe who knew how to make good Escal Escalloped loped Oysters was more entitled to t Re Renown Renown flown than one who had personally met F Hopkinson Smith When Alice arrived at the Club Room the Annual Election was In Progress Pro ss Everything was as harmonious and a d deep Calm pervaded the Session After Arter the Ballots Ballot had been the defeated Candidate went over to the President and con congratulated con congratulated her with evident Sincerity also kissed her herI that the II I am quite sure my Dear Welfare of the Club will be enhanced by your our Election she said You Yo are more more prominent Socially than I am amand amand amand and can preside with more Grace and have haye better Ability so I am delighted with the Result The meeting having ended the La Ladies Ladies oa oadies end nd dies left the Building very quietly Alice started homeward I It was the hour for the Rush ush but there was no crowding in the Cars Cara as the Company had put on many Extras In order to insure Comfort for their Patrons AlIce Mice bought an Evening Paper and nd read It ft She did not find anything about the President being b clinched with somebody Hubby Hubb arrived home from the Office exactly at 6 although some Men Ien had tried to detain him at the Club He reported everything satisfactory at the Office nothing had happened all aU allday aUday allday day to give him a moments worry Alice reminded him that they going out to Dinner He had not for forgotten forgotten I gotten about the Engagement In fact fa t the he was verY verl enthusiastic over oyer the pros prospect prospect prospect He said aid he loved loed to come home from the Office and dress and go out outto OU to Dinner Alice offered to lay out his Things for tor him and put the Studs in his Shirt But he said no noho nohe he knew just where everything was and it was really a Pleasure to get ready read Alice and Hubby came down all aIl alldre dressed ed at exactly the tile same Sam Moment and each praised the other for tor promptitude promptitude promptitude Hubby noticed n that Alice wore her new Gown He lIe admired it Very cry much He could coul not understand how she had managed to get such a Corker for a comparatively Small Sum of oC Money Mone At the Dinner Alice found herself next to a Nice Young Man who was highly Conversational without being Gabby Several times s she requested Hubby to tell the Company some of his Funny Stories and each time he hO h told one site sho laughed heartily arid amid said It was was New After dinner the Men fEn refused to loiter I around the table and Smoke as at they the i wished to be in the tile Front Room with I Ithe the Ladies Ladie s I Inasmuch as Alice Allee and some of her Friends were w re going to the Theatre y hurried away awn because they did not think it Good Form to enter a PlayHouse Play PlayHouse House Hou e after at aft r the Curtain had gone gono up lest they the might disturb some who want wanted wanted ed to see the whole Show They sat In the Box all evening with without without out conversing aloud In looking over the assemblage Alice AlIc noticed that all an the women had taken off their Hats without compelling the Ushers to come down the aisle and argue ar argue argue gue with them Also the Men did not walk over per persons p perSons r sons the moment the curtain went dow down n F The Stage Performance wa was very en cn entertaining n The Th acrobatic Sons Song rid and ridDance Dance was received with Dead Silence i enee J J I Ik k 4 I r he Waiel it J i but the Quiet Love Loe Scenes evoked Thunders of Applause After 9 98 per cent of the Audience got tired of a Song the six Encore En ore Fiends I with the Iron Hands would subside im immediately immediately Immediately mediately and permit the Dialogue to tobe tobe tobe be heard The only unpleasant Incident of ot the evening occurred w when hen a beautiful Sou brine assisted by eighteen Broilers rs came out and did a Coon Song that could have hae been heard two blocks I away Everybody hissed When Alice Allee and her Friends s came out of the Theatre The they sar saw lores neross the street the bright lights of a Refectory No one in the party part suggested suggest ell a Mid Midnight Midnight night Gorge Alice Allce knew it was vt customary to go goI I over oer among the tle Palms and order six on ion the about the size Fire of Footprints also a Bird with a wreath i around It fl some some of the Bubbles and a little Camembert Cheese ese so ripe that it had to be eaten with ith a Spoon Alice and her friends talked It t over I and agreed they w would be much better bett r roff off of and feel more cheerful next rn lag Ing If they the cut out the nocturnal Eat So Hubby called a cab and he and Alice started for their own Shack to together together together gether she handing him several Bou Bon Bouquets Bouquets for the diplomatic manner In which he had deported himself l U J the Theatre Th After alighting from the rattler Hub by gave Cabby a Dollar and was up the Steps when the Driver called to him himI 1 I beg your our pardon he said You Yon have Imae given me mo a 0 Dollar My lIy Legal c Fare is only 75 76 7 cents and Then Alice woke yoke up Copyright 1907 by b George Ade in th United States and Great Britain I ot I L f l k vc H T Y 1 Q i it u I obi I t 1 i 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