| Show I l H t THE REFLECTIONS OF Ft U UA r 11 A KNOCKER I Iii II om I TNT TilE nTY I R fE j By John Kendrick Bangs U w ELL I 8 see that Johl Johi Paul Joins long lost remains hv have beeR been l located at last acid that Gen Genral ral Porter Is going to send ern em back tV u America to be filed away aay t tH there H f Hobson Dewey Miles and the oUter other heroes n roes said the Knocker Poor old I wonder why the they let Jet him gt alone Its U far letter Detter to lie He quietly and forgotten M Ma a Paris graveyard than to be J Darr rr here reburied with Uh pomp and have bare to go through h tile the obituary ry or 01 oral Ual al all over oer again 1 with you kI This man in his day was as one of the St geniuses of the age He per ormed wonders for the cause or of Amer Ameran Ameran an arms acme on the high seas ae and aDd It to Is eminently fitting that Ids his nEglected body should be back bak to the land lanel he be loved and served ro o nobly there to be r with lU th the pomp or of circumstance and pan of glory I 1 dont dispute his de erts said the he Knocker You cant crack creck JohnPaul John I Paul JOD Jones 8 up too high for fOt me He was a 1 hero after my own heart and its a I shame that the crop of heroes Jf r r this thia sort has been so small That I t affect the wisdom of my ob er I tation however that it were far bel be tc r to let him rest quietly where he be heI I as in the peoples people k h other ther than t to O bring him back and put aim up again as a target for the hero bro I to shoot at You know just its as well as I do what bat I Is p go gor n r g to happen to Jones as moo as hes bes stowed away in this brand ne new traY we are digging for him For nine says thE welkin will ring with th his raises It will m De be Tones Jones here and Jones Jon there and Joo Jones everywhere It will wail N erg James first no second M ond your maj sty for hie Every of twins born Suring that period will be named af after ter him and Theodore Roosevelt The TIte es or will y yek ek with John Paul Jones JOnt S Robinsons tad John Paul John Smiths and John lul Jones Joneses just because during this r pealed of Jf glory WI hits Dam name tall III be on every lip and every lvery hap bap J smal ismal font And then just when the n is be beginning to ease off a little some heap cheap little scribe in a ten c nt magazine win will ut with an article on The Real John Paul E u I Tones Jones in which I It will be shown that as a small sma boy boyhe ey he be not only refus refused d to go to but in the dead of bight drowned Ids his school in a well It will be proven pros en that at the age of eighteen he be eloped with It a young l dlos boarding school and at t had a wife il i every port on th the map from Hong Kong Ion to BAltimore and back baci We e shell b told told that though the possessor of vast ut sums of wealth he absolutely re reI refused I fu fused d to pay Pk h hIs is grocers bills and nEVEr lost an opportunity to rob a blind man on the streets 1 Outrageous ejaculated O coarse but according a to the American system said the I I r And the worst part pf It Is Isit isit it will IU only be the beginning Other articles will in which it be proved that the American flag he hol hoisted ted on the Ranger said to be the American flag ever boist d In the navy vY WIl an American flag at all but an old striped tennis blazer he had stolen from a poor old paralytic French marquis while he be was cruising lit ill the Bahamas hamas Then they take up his name and both pertinently and impertinently imper impertinently ask why hy he hanged changed it from John Paul to John Paul Jones One partY will contend that John Paul having been convicted of mayhem found It ft necessary to add Jones to his name and travel under an alias to 10 es escape cape the avenging hand band of justice Ce Others Othere will ilI aver that he was ashamed of his father and mother because they were ere as 38 poor as Jobs turkEy and that as soon as he began to get famous fam ous he changed his name so 50 that it would read like that of RIchard Hard Harding Harding ing Davi e or or Ym m Randolph Hearst or could be parted in the middle like a like T J Van Duz n Wig Wiggins gins or H De Boggs In the train of these will come corne the newspaper and comic cornie weekly punsters with their three line j kes about him There will willbe willbe be as many jokes on Of the subject o of John Paul as we have hae now on John D DHe DHe He will m be dubbed Johnny and Jack and PaulY and old Ton y and finally the embalm his virtues in a tropical song In a comic opera that will m finish his bis bubble reputation in short order There Thele wont ont be a shred of him left lefta a year after he has been transplanted to Ameri American an soil Hell get just the same treatment we have handed out to Dewey and Miles and the noes Hobson Naval artl experts will prove that he kno know anything about boats Gunners will ill demonstrate that beyond all peradventure that he be never I ever heard rd of a dynamite gun StIn Tacticians will sho show that wherever he sailed he committed the most outrage outrageous ous blunderS looping the loop In one place and ng his garboard strakes In another en he should have steamed straight ahead with ith his bis cap capstan capstan stan set and his to wind windward ward aJ as ag a simple pr precaution ution which f even en a child would not have neglected And mI then worst of aU all when he hes final finaly finally ly y buried with the pomp Om and splendor of a military funeral pass A around the hat bat to get the funds to erect IJ a monument do to hs his The first week wilt bring in OO The second 7 TS O and there it will stick until some ofia breakfast food seeing llis opportunity win will put ut a marble l shaft made ot of staff and whitewashed w shed over the neg neglected eted grave with th the tion N ERECTED TO F e John Tolan Paul Piul Jones By JAMS 3 l of III Tits Nerve That t Come j o OK ts going to to you wait and see if it t said sakI the Knocker Then YOU think it would havo been better to le leave ve him In Paris the land M he served And loved Alone and neglected demanded Yes said sald tile the Knocker Hes been there no years now and if he has had any feeling about it at all it must have Worn oft off by this time It seem rl right t to leave him out there alone though gh said sentimentally The Knocker Knocke laughed Its e evident ident you never were ere In Paris old man mall he said For a lively time give me the loneliness of Paris The chap who goes there all b by himself has nos a darn st sight ht better time than the fellow that takes his family ale and dont you ou forget it Youre wasting a ting a lot of sympathy on John Paul on that E score ore and any anyhow how experience teaches that hes better 0 off where he Is as aa long AS the American menen ph plan of treating heroes pre prevails vails als Some day wRen when heroes are arc not HOt nota HOta a drug druS on the market here it may be different hut but just now new I say let sleep ing heroes lie He Copyright 1 by bJ K H Holmes |
