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Show T1ij gr.iBtthopiers' b-.1u4-.1et in Miu-' Miu-' uesoLi Lost flsi.UOOjUXI. ' It only cotita an much to 1 your I coat brushed at a Saratoga hotel mil 'does to buy a wisp-broom. A red-hot iron pressed closely to the um, in contact with an acliitig tooth, will usually prove etleetive. "His life now hangs by a thread,'" was the note made by a poetical reporter re-porter aa a murderer waa strung up. CJeneral Grant, like most great men, is very fond of the young. He'll go without his dinner to play with a cult. We are trying our level beat to believe be-lieve Henry Ward's statement, but it seems awlully thin. MUurauket Sentinel. Sen-tinel. A poor poet, living on melancholy and a crust in a garret, waa called by the doctor a pronounced case of aigh-atticker. aigh-atticker. Ren McAfee, of Bardstown. Ky., cured himself of somnambulism by walking out ot a seamd-story window while asleep. The editor of the Quincy M'hiy hcatliug a tarantula story, "A dangerous dan-gerous bed-fellow," accidentally put the head over tlie statement of Sirs. TUton. "Artaierxes," said Mr. Marrowfat, solemnly, "Never get married, my boy. Little do you know what an awful responsibility it is to upholster a wife." A veteran of twenty-six was married marri-ed at Cumberland, Md., last week, to a blushing maid of fifty. It is thought Bhe will have to pickle him to "keep" him. Municipal politics must be in a pretty muddle in Vicksburg, where the Mayor has to Bend the police after the negro Aldermen in order to secure ( a quorum. Chicago still marches in the van of human progress. Thirty-three divorce cases there in one week. This is the home of the brave, but it is more particularly par-ticularly the land of the "free." A correspondent asks us the origin of l'x pedt Hercttlem." We believe it was the exclamation of a classical Sf? Louis editor on first beholding a r.hicsitm woman's foot comini: round the corner. A sleepy deacon, who sometimes engages in popular games, hearing the minister use the words, "Shuttle on his mortal coil," started up, rubbed his eyes, and exclaimed, "Hold on, it is my deal!" "I'm glad that the coffee don't owe me anything," said Brown, a boarder, at the breakfast table. "Why?" said Smith. "Because I don't believe ii would ever settle." Sing Sing official "If you have any trade, prisoner, etate-it, and we will put you to work at it." Prisoner (just entered) "Well, boss, 1 was brung up a bar-tender, and I'd like to go to work at that." An old lady in Lancaster County-Pa., County-Pa., recently refused the gift of a loat of wood from a tree struck by light ning,- through fear that some of tin "iluid" might remain in the woot and cause disaster to her store. Milwaukee Smtind: The grasshop pers, on their way south, stopped i railroad train and got copies of the St Paul papors. When they read tha only a small portion of the crops had been destroyed, they started back t jiniah up the job. A Chicago paper say that the hu man race is deteriorating. We wen going to remark that that is thi opinion of every one who goes to Chi cago; but, in the present situation 0 aliairs here, we do not think it expe dient. Brooklyn Argus. A Kansas man who was faUlly shol in a row, recovered consciousness jus before death, and asked what kind 0 a weapon did the business. On beinj answered that it was a silver-mountei seven-shooter, he gasped, "Glory! was afeard it was one of those hos pistols!" and then died happy. |