Show THE FIRST OFFENSE I 1 billy keelins never drank lie make a principle of it and in all other respects he was like any other male human h being but tor for some reason or other he simply learned to drink ills hit wife who was religious put it on mali high moral grounds she said she know what she would do if will came home drunk which was true she did not as the following narrative will show the first winter they were married company X arranged for a big military ball and invited the governor As an extra Induce inducement mont they got an appropriation from somewhere or other and bought a carload of champagne the evening of the dance the governor was present with his entire suite and they converted one of the ante rooms into a a sort of champagne shower hower bath but after the governor who was a very tall and thin nun man ot of good old puritan stock eatock I 1 had led the grand march with the wife of the captain who was a very short fat and red faced woman of middle age and unmistakable irish descent to lo the admiration of all and the fat prompter had barked all the skin off the back of his throat and nearly gone into apoplexy and every everybody hody had gone home it was discovered that the company in its ex tr me generosity had overestimated the capacity of the invited guests so as a last resort and a sort of gentle bid for the golden opinion of the press the newspaper men were invited in and alter the first edition had gone down as many men as possible sible adjourned to the city hall ball and sat down at a long table in the anteroom ante room with the gover governor at the head of course the gove governor anor could not under the circuit stances retrain refrain from letting his full heart hearl run over in a speech in it he said he never could adequately express his great appreciation of the honor of sitting bitting at the table with the representatives of that glor glorious loub and ol of civilization the press ile he himself had always had the most profound confidence in newspaper men and he was proud to tay say they had almott unanimously ahon confidence in him ile he was also algo proud to say a great many nice things about tile the press prees and its I 1 influence it for good A few minutes after these remarks the go governor vernor left tor for his hotel having a pressing appet appointment I 1 i tallent at the next morning and having felt during the evening unmistakable symptoms ot of the return spinal or something ol of the hv sort eort tie he had contracted during the arduous s labors of the last campaign to he left the adjutant general to represent him the adjutant general who was war a fat and red faced mail maii having represented governors gover norf at champagne champagn e suppers for a grea great t many years was a very able representative senta tive indeed and when the governor went away much of the ceremony of the occasion went ADO it became quite informal every inducement boin to informality being offered by the management whenever you began to talk to your neighbor your glass was filled up by the colored waiter at your elbow with ruch naturalness that not even the most accomplished could get an approximate idea of how much he had drunk until he regained consciousness one of the chief diversions of I 1 he occasion was arranged to be furnished by billy meekins ile he had been induced to attend under more or less ices false pretenses and when once there was placed next to the adjutant general by special arrangement the adjutant general w was to do the rest billy inclined to drink at first until the tant general soothed him the great officer office was very soothing ile he assured him that champagne was a beverage as harmless as milk in fact just what he needed as a tonic that time of night of course billy be rude enough to refuse the courtesies of so great an officer after that things grew till still more informal the adjutant told a story and the city editor told a story and the night editor told a story all of which it is not necessary to reproduce here partly because they really to so funny as they were considered at the time then the telegraph editor who have on a dress suit tore off the tails from the one the city editor wore and oneff one of the new reporters jumped through the ground glass door of the ante room like a hurdle it cut his face a medhat but he said a man who had to shave himself mind a little thing like that ile he was considerable oi of a blood in college they said and he took to the dis comforts of earning a living rather hard finally they suggested that the adjutant general who had made himself so companionable really ought to be put in the fruit basket and make a speech for the general reason that he would look so cute there but bit as the general weighed pounds and their center of gravity was not very low at the time this part ci 0 the pro gramme was not carried out in the meantime the light which billy meekins was scheduled to furnish did not materialize as for some reason or other billy developed remarkable staying powers in fact he and the general were about the only persons left in a apparently normal condition and to all appearances lie was as normal as the general which I 1 is savin a deal of a bc rinner for the general had an interstate reputation for his steady head ills his enemies in fact said cald he was a walking jug a sort of official jug with a slightly inflamed palate in I 1 the neck especially devised for gubernatorial representation at state dinners well after all the champagne had boie off the crowd followed suit and billy meekins walked home through the gray early morning and tumbled into bed very soon before hit his wife who was a very conscientious housekeeper got up and fell into a sound sleep about 9 he woke up with a very strange confused feeling such as had never fallen to his lot before and which alarmed him considerably and started out to discover his present approximate position in time and space in the course of his voyage around the room he be ran aground the the washstand and capsized taking with him the water pitcher when his wife appeared the she found her husband in a truly alarming condition he was uras lying among the ruins of the water pitcher deathly pale and so far gone that he could not even articulate it was as something she had never seen before with great presence of mind she hauled hin him on the bed dispatched three boys for the dor doc torand sent out a general alarm among the neighbors who turned out in great numbers when the first doc tor arrived he found her on the th verge everge of f collapse but strenuous to be told the tru truth th unfortunately he was an old school practitioner who prided himself on his ability to do just that very thing madam Nf adam lie said your husband is 16 drunk when he came out of the room the neighbors knew the worst of course billy Mee klivis know the seriousness of the catastrophe at the time but it was promptly brought to his attention when he regained consciousness under the circumstances there would naturally be a certain amount of tribute due to outraged womanhood in the family but billys wife wa was is actually vindictive she said it wao wait bad enough to be a newspaper man wife anyway without having married a drunkard and she started for home on the next train and it was full two before she was coaxed back again when the she finally she return ed with preparations for a wholesale reform she family prayers at once and broke up tip half of billys sleep to drag him to cli church she also proposed him for or special attention to her miti lliter which he received she said it would not be her fault if lie did not hive have good companions in the future incidentally making remarks about the other men in the office which have forever precluded further relations of friendship and amity between her and and the other mans man wife and she filled the house with temperance and missionary workers who come often to dinner said and sing psalm tunes a ion long 9 time after in the evening all of which billy billil takes cheer cheerfully fulli tor for the sake ake of of hari harmony nony said and as tile the price of ills b tank ti I 1 AN having foun found d him out of 0 course AN ai time goes on he has concluded to enter nt r into the good work himself as a guarantee of good faith he Is if really an ardent arden temperance man it li Is fascinating to hear his little addresses addres sas to the loyal childrens league but he tells me privately he Is afraid thi this rl sort ort 1 of thing is going to drive him to strong t r ong drink |