Show MAE BLED HENS INDICATOR A New Scheme for Marital Martyrs Shown In Washington WASnLiGTON D C August 12Col Hontgom Commissioner ot Patents has gone to his Michigan home tired out What with the ceaseless tide of office seekers besieging him and the thousands of inventive cranks who crowd the patent office the colonel needs a rest The latest genius who has applied for a patent is the man who has invented what is called a married mans indica torItis a wonderfully sensitive arrangement arrange-ment of the ordinary thermometer inconvenient in-convenient pocket size and is graded to a scale of cabalistic marks which show the exact state of the domestic atmosphere atmos-phere at any hour of the night The hardworked and belated husband arrives ar-rives home say about midnight He takes out his indicator thrusts it into the keyhole and lets it remain there a few seconds Pulling it outqnickly scans the dial by tbe moonlights fitful gloaming If it marks S A sound asleep the husband pulls of his boots noiselessly uses his night key with halted breath gives the door a quick pull to keep it from creaking steals tremblingly to bed and when his dear wife awakes about two seconds afterwards after-wards and wants to know how long he has been home he is so sound asleep that Gabriels trumpet COULD hOT WAKE HIM If the indicator scores A A C B D K W T awake awful cross but does know what time it is the husband puts a fewmore grains of coffee in his mouth opens the door boldly walks in with a s am bang air hits his foot intentionally in-tentionally against a chair wants to know why the devil chair dont keep out of his way get desperately mad on getter 1 principles scares his wife clear out of her crossness and curtain lecture refuses to let her gels up and strike a matchnever did like a light at night no how remarks gruffly in response to a timId query that its about twenty rive minutes after ten and then turns ino bed with such an apparent awful state of mind that the wife of his bosom is afraid to speak to himat which he is very sad of course There are other marks on the indicator indica-tor showing just where it will do to pav the lodge dodge or the sick friend or been standing on the cotnor talking to so and so for more than an hour or General or Honorable this or that from you know where was in townand had to go away on the 2 oclock train and he insIsed so strongly that the whole party stayed up to see him off although he was so great bore and we only did it through courtesy But the most awful tf all the cabalistic signs on the dial is the one on tbe top about two marks above boiling point When the weary husband comes home about 4 oclock in the morning from toe direction direc-tion of the butcher shop with a roll of meat held high in the air so that everyone every-one he parses cannot fail to see it and sticks the indicator in the keyhole he is almost too weak to draw it out With hair on end he reads it by the faint light streaming in upon him over tbe eastern hills and sweat breaks out on his noble brow in drops as large as walnuts as he sees the bulb of the indicator jammed smack np against R HSHW FYI TD redhot and still a beating and wetting for you inside of the door It THE USVEXTOBOrTHEttSTBUMEXT says that when a man has this terrible misfortune overtake him he feels that there is nothing laftin life worth living for and appreciates the force of these beautiful lines This world Is all a fleeting show For mans delusion given He slings the meat out into the yard and braces himself for the coming fray but says nothing for nothing can be said Be he ever so gifted a liar his accomplishment ac-complishment is more than valueless No dodge no sick friend no talking on the corner no sitting up to see the general gen-eral off no swearing that he will never do it acain m fact nothing will avail It is an indefensible case He is caught Even the ghastly gaiety with which two hours previous he said to the boys request re-quest he would see it out might as well be killed for a sheep as a lamb had all vanished The indicator having told him the exact state of things he knots just what to do and that is nothing noth-ing but get in bed at once and wrap the drapery of his couch about him pull the pillow over his ears and wait for his wifes breath to give out ITS AWFUL WHILE IT LASTS but it has its use in heving the unfortunate unfor-tunate husband of his great load of anxiety The indicator is a great invention in-vention Colonel Montgomery will allow al-low it to go through if possible Twelve hundred large pine boxes were sent out by mall just previous to the departure de-parture of the members of Congress for their homes Three of these packing cases are furnished to each senator and member in which to send away their books papers a d evervtning else They are about the size of small trunks are provided with locks and are generally gener-ally neatly gotten up The Congressmen Congress-men send these large packages home bmw b-mw under a frank and several trips r are mad > back and forth by the boxes before transportation business is closed for the session The rumor that mem bers of Congress smuggle their washing home in these cases needs confirmation The Department of State is advertising for proposals for furnishing ice for the nVcal year Secretary Bayard is deter miii NI i to keep cool during the continuance continu-ance tif the ilex can embrogho |