Show o TROUBLES 01 A BRIDAL PARTY Say what kind of a hotel do you keep T said a green looking man as he stepped to the counter and regis teind his name and added and wife after it Can a new married oui le settle down here for two or i three days and have a quiet visit I tith each other and not be scared out of their boots The hotel man said they could go light to their room and stay there tune days or three weeks and never come to their meals If they didnt want anything to eat But what is the matter Have you been annoyed an-noyed asked the hotel man Annoyed 1 That dont express it We were married day before yesterday at St Paul and went to a hotel 1 live about sixty miles west of St Laul and the traveling men put up a job to make me tired There were about hundred of them snowed in at St Paul and Ill be darned they didntk ep us awakea 1 night They knew we were a bridal i couple and they bribed the bell boys and porters to let them act for them and when wo rung the bell for the I bell boy a drummer fcr a Chicago cigar factory came in and wanted to know what was wanted I ordered a pitcher of ice water and a Milwaukee Mil-waukee drummer for a grocery house brought it in and he looked at my wife who is bashful and made her feel real bad I didnt know they were drummers until the next day or I should have killed some of them I rung the bell for coal and a traveling man who posts railroad cards around and works up excursions he came in and fixed the ire and he stayed and poked it for half an hour and he had more gall than I ever see He asked so many questions about how long we had been married that I wanted to thump him but my wife said we didnt want to have no row the first I day we were married i rung for a chamber maid to elean up the room and bring some towelsand it was about half an hour before she came and I went down to the office to see about my trunk and the chamber maid stayed about half an hour and was very interest ing and my wife said she was a real pleasant affectionate sort of a creature far above her station and 1 tell you I was mad when I found out that it was a smoothfaced handsome young Jewish drummer for a Milwaukee clothing house who was in with the gang and he gave the chambermaid 53 to loan him I an old dress so he could play cham ermaid When my wife told me that the chambermaid patted heron her-on the cheek and said she was the sweetest bride that was ever in the hotel and asked for a kiss and my wife said she thought it would be no harm to kiss a poor chambermaid chamber-maid and encourage her I wanted to kill him and I went down to the office the next morning but the moothf seed cuss had gone to Fargo It was all the landlord could do to hold me Well while we were at supper somebody got into the room and put cracker crumbs in our bed and we found a cold silclotn floor mat over the top sheet enough to freeza any I I body But the worst was at night We had just got comfortably in bed when there was a knock at the door and I got up and the watchman was there and he said he wanted to point out to ms the fire escape so I ould get out in case of fire and I went out in the hall and he took me way out to the end of the building to show it to meand while I vaS coking out of the window my wife came running down the hall and begging me to save her 1 asked her what was the matter and she said as soon as I went out a man that looked like a porter came into the room and told her to fly and save herself and to follow her hus band She felt awful when she found there was no trouble and we got back to our room half froze I have got them fellows down fine The fellow who called me out to look at the fire escape is a drummer for a Philadelphia millinery house and the one that scared my wife Gut of her wits travels for a hearse fac tory at Rochester N Y My wife says she would know him because he has a big gray moustache and wears a diamond collar button in his shirt She said she thought he was pretty stylish for a porter at the time They woke us up several tImes In the night to tell us what to do in case we were sick and in the morning before we were up a waiter brought up our breakfast He said the landlord sent it up and he just stood around until we had to sit up in bed and eat breakfast I thought at the time that it was kind in the landlord to send up our break 1 0 T n fast but when JL found that me waiter who brought it up was a traveling man for a reaper factory at Rockford and remembered how darned impudent he looked at my wife I could have murdered him but the clerk said he had gone toW to-W nnipeg It was just about as bad coming down here on the sleeping car and I think half the passengers on the car were those same drummers that were snowed in It was colder than Alaska and I would get extra blankets and they would steal them I had more than twenty blankets put on the bed and in the morning there was nothing but a sheet over us And every time there was a blanket spread over us a different porter put it on and I think they were all traveling men Every little while somebody would pull open the curtains and sit down on my terth and begin to pull off his boots and I would tell him the berth was occupied and and that he must have made a mistake mis-take and he would look around at us as innocent as could be and ask OUT pardon and then go out and damn the porter Once I felt some body feeling about my berth and I asked what was the matter and the fellow said he was looking for my wifes shoes to black Then about every fifteen minutes the conductor would open the curtains and hold a red lantern in and ask for our tickets I think they punchedmy ticket sixtyfive times anyway it looked like a porous plaster when I got up in the morning morn-ing I think it was the traveling men who were playing the conductor con-ductor but I was sleepy and I thought the best way was to Jet them punch it Well about three oclock in the morning somebody punched us and said it was time to get up as all the passengers were up and we would have breakfast in fifteen minutes And then we hustled around and got dressed the best way we could laying on our backs and kicking our clothes up in the air catching them when they came down I got my pants on wrong side before and lost every thing out of my pockets and my wife lost her hair and had to tie a handkerchief Ground her head and then we had our berths made up and sat up to daylight and the porter por-ter found my wifes hair and pinned it to the curtains of a berth occupied occu-pied by a preacher from Oshkoshand he kicked and got mad and talked about and wondered how it came there ana ne swore about it and I think he travels for an Oshkosh carriage car-riage factory 0 I never had such a night or two such nights in all my life and what I want to know ii if I can be quiet here and get a little sleep and not be annoyed The hotel man told him if anybody came around to bother him to knock him clear down stairs and he would be responsible and the bridegroom took his satchel and his wife and the colored man showed them a room and they have not showed up since It is confounded mean in traveling men to get snowed in and form a syndicate to have fun They will cause themselves to be disliked if they keep on Pecks Sun |