Show I Domestic Dialogues I I t BY ALMA WOODWARD F 1912 1912 b bj by the Press L CilC P. P M. M M.-AT M. AT ROME nO R. R B B. struggling with a a. sanguinary M MR ar ary blade See blade See There rye Ive gone and cut myself and it'll got all over my collar and shirt front and Ill I'll be a sight for tor the show wont won't I Mrs B. B calmly Well calmlY Well wh why do you hurry so Mr B. B brandishing the weapon weapon weapon- Hurry Hurn What else ele can I do when hen were we're to meet them at half haJt past 6 and Its It's quarter past now and I haven't even got my studs and buttons In my shirt Mrs B B. B refusing to become explosive You You should have left downtown eailler ear ear- Her ller James You knew about this a week ago o. o Mr Ir n B B. B growing reckless with talcum tal tal- tal- tal cum Just cum Just what I expected JUST WHAT VIL I EXPECTED Does It ever strike you madam that m my business Is slightly more Important than all this frivolous amusement Do you ou over r re realize re- re alize alizo that the rent the gas and the food tood are arc paid for tor b by the results of ot my workIng workIng work work- ing not rot b by my mr goIng out to dinners and theatres Do you ou ever ever ever- Mrs B. B slightly Impatient Oh Oh for goodness' goodness sake tell It to me In the subway Its It's its it's growing later every ery minute min mm- ute Mr Ir B. B maJ making inE the find finel declaration Yell Well I r cant can't get got out of it tonight But Just let et me tell you ou this tonight this tonight ends ends' it Tonight Is 18 the omega Its It's tho the last time Im I'm going to rush homo home like a n. fool tool and carve designs on m my- my lf olf t Tr fT-Tr T. CJ TT fy AA AI 0 I 1 P. P M. M OX ON OX THE rUE SU SUBWAY MR l T R. R B. B uncomfortably Gee Gee coat draws something fierce under under under un un- un- un der the arms Mrs Irs D B B. B suggesting helpfully Re Re lax You know Just sit limp Of course when you ou strain the tho muscles of ot your back it feels tight Mr B. B whimpering The The pants are awful tight too Mrs Ir D B B. B Indifferently Are Are the they Mr r. r B. B plaintively Say Augusta dont don't you ou think I could have a gusset put In them Mrs B. B in disgust Whore dIsgust Whore did you ever evor hear about a gU gusset 6 Mr Ir B B. timidly My I My mother used to say It Dont Don't it mean make em larger Mrs B. B coldly Men dont don't put P gussets gussets gus gus- sets In their trousers The They buy new trousers Mr B B. B growing growIng- indignant nant Yes And maybe Id I'd be able to buy new trousers too If It thero thera wasn't so much of ot th thin L lag og Corn Com pany pan and IDd th the cw York Tork WorM World dinner and theatre and supper busness business bus busi I ness Mrs B. B In d despair Oh Oh dear Ive I've set you OU off ott again Mr B B. trailing It lt IO Saying Oh dear I aint going to do any good Hero Here tonight wore going to a n. rotten table where Ill I'll got get Indigestion again and havo have to take those charcoal tab tab- lots And then well we'll sit through one of those problem plays with a cheerful suicide at the end that costs us 2 a a. ahead head An And to finish ot off we drag our weary bones to a smoky cabaret and have a lot of ot perfume-doused perfume soubrettes stand on top of ot our necks and begrudge us evor every evory piece of ot lobster we put In ol our r mouths We Ve get home fagged to a a. a a. a frazzle and about ten lighter t Now you ou cant can't put V up a single ment in denial that'll hold water Can an t you 1 Mrs B. B wearily Oh wearily Oh no of ot course not Anyway Anway heres here's our station J 1 A. A M. M oX ON OX TilE THC SUBWAY SUD i MR B B. B stretching comfortably j jWell Well ell theres there's nothing liko S Sting getting get get- ting ting- out once in a a. while for a n. little littIe t recreation among the lighter things of lIt life e. e Mrs rs B. B Huh B.-Huh Huh Mr B. B It B.-It It does a man good Its It's the the I grind the plodding plodding plod- plod j ding that puts men In their graves before bo- bo 1 toro fore their time v Mrs Irs B B. mildly The mildly The j The dinner lUnner was very ery poor wasn't it Jt 1 u. u u L. L ur 1 JB o strenuously Now INOW now flOW can i I you say that Au Augusta usta f That was what I call a a. bully dinner An And only a dollar dollar dol dOI- dol- dol lar It'd be cheap at nt a Gollar ollar anI and a a. ha half 1 Mrs B. B yawning Im I'm Im I'm getting sick I of problem plays arent aren't you Mr Ir B. B scornfully scornfully-I I I suppose you'd rather sit through some somo worthless musical musical mu mu- J trash Problem plays ploys give you something to think about about er their er 1 er er humanity humanity Mrs B B. leading readinG him on And on-And And weren't weren't were were- j nt those theRe creatures of ot the cabaret distressing dis 1 Mr B. B Not Not at al all aU Como Come to think of ot It It that little trick In Inthe Inthe the Foll Folly costume was about the most ost fetching thing Ive I've seen In years Mrs Irs B B. disdainfully She She pinched your loui check cheok didn't she I Mr 11 B B. delightedly Yes delightedly Yes she did did did- the little devil H Chuckles W We must make a nl night ht of ot it soon again Its It's re refreshing refreshing re- re freshing you OU know Blamed refreshIng refresh refresh- Ing lug Mrs Irs B. B triumphantly Ah Ah |