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Show I ULTURE ORNER K . . . CAROL GUBER The news this week seems to he that I havent yet been kicked off the staff or strangled to death by any patient English Teachers, so Im trying my hand at impersonating a columnist. My first contribution seems to have taken the form of poetry with a touch of human nature in it. - Hi again, People. I hear Harold Wylie received his draft notice. .Aren't they car- - Im always for the underdog, He has my sympathy, And nine times out of ten I find The underdog is me. I once heard it said that when the modern father goes to give his daughters hand in marriage, he usually has to pull it out of his pocket first. Also remember that ' what you dont know wont hurt you,' and it amuses a lot of other people. Now for a few definitions. Feminine wile Keeping a man at arms length by hairs breath. Chemical warefare The eternal struggle between blondes, and brunettes. Bachelor A man who hasnt embraced his opportunities. Upper berth Where you rise to retire and get down to get up. A friend One who loves us just the same after we have proved to him that we are right. Next in line on our cultural lesson for the day are a few of the very latest song titles.- You probably havent even' heard the songs which fit these titles yet,., as they havent been written, but here are the titles, anyway. Youre Too Bowlegged to Bound Up the Cattle; Youll Never Get Your Calves Together. The Taxidermist Used to Mount Birds; Now Hes Going Around Mountain Cabins. (Ouch! That hurt. Jim Deuny, one for your collection). Every Time I Tint My Hair, I Dye a Little. When You Were Nine, I Was Seven and We Were Sweet Six- rying this full mobilization a little 'too Farr? Some of the gals have already got their football positions for next year. The latest joke on the campus: Jimmy Denny has invented a compass that points the wrong way. He calls it a tates. Therefore he who has tates is lost. I think Im over this cold, I can smell that one from here. The smoker turned out to be top entertainment. Virginia Rash gave the best boxing show, teaching Kenny that right crpss from the ringside. Wrestling honors went to Patty and Dale on the first row bleachers. Sako and Calevas got campused for three weeks in the girls dorm. Jim says Miss II better be good, cause he knows a guy. Bill Gold has been practics in the girls dorm ing lately. Speaking of the girls dorm, who put the new lampshade on the chandelier in the main hall? The Frost Frolic is tonight, so be sure to buy your tickets from Jack Little; just send in $1.50 to Chop-stick- Me. Number one is that stirring, romantic ballad: Im Glad I Made You Cry, Baby; Your Face Ls Cleaner Now. If any of you budding composers ever compose songs for the aforementioned titles, be sure to write me in care of the Wyoming State Mental Institution, Evans- ton, Wyoming. Yes, Im going back. I realize now how much happier I was there with my kind of people. Have a wonderful vacation, everyone. Do you see green when you walk in the front door of Foster Hall? Thats Okay because the Womans Board has given the boys two beautiful and durable dark green sofas. Come in and try them out comfortable, arent they? ... We were sorry to see Mr. McCabe leave us the other day. The first floor seems so different . . . quieter, I guess. Ukes seem to be the craze over at the Hall. Last Wednesday I entered the lower lounge and saw three of them all tuned up and going full plinkplank. Seven fellows with voices raised on high were trying to do justice to Five Foot Two, Eyes of Blue! I went upstairs when Alan Scow came in with one uke, that is. On the third deck of Foster I heard quiet strumming from the end of the hall, but in the lounge Charles Knight and Blaine Beardall were matching wits over a chess game. I never saw so many chess enthusiasts under one roof. Oh, yes, Blaine won the game. Have you seen George Halls latest investment? Its that big, black four-doo- r Auburn car. He was going to put his Dodge in a roofed garage and buzz around in that old machine but the clutch went out. Anyone interested in a, ah, second, car for the I -T, . year shoes? Well, guess this about it for now . . . see you next time. (Thanks, Pete). Wiggles- - HENRYS BARBER SHOP For the Best Cut in Town SOUTHEAST JEWELRY PAUL E. FANKHAUSER Swiss Watchmaker 1109 East 21st South PRESSING DEPENDABLE LAUNDRY SERVICE Reasonable Rates One Day Shirt Service pe is It EXPERT CLEANING AND stand Lydia Gerry is there now looking for a date. The girls basketball team had a rummage sale, fire-esca- Let Henry Do B under- and really made a killing. Now the girls get new uniforms. (No! not leatards Belle, Nancy and please). Note: To Jay Eugene: Please cease your parties, how campused can you get? Gus Klekas, Jack Armstrong and Jerry Proctor are knee busy buying ankle and braces for their trips down the middle aisle during Xmas vacation. By the way, Curley, did your grandmother tell??? Say, that Diane Burns gal really gets around. Whos your target for this week, Di? For that matter, Betsy Burns is no slouch. Its not everyone whos alert at 12:30, eh, Bets? Since Paul Brown got his new car lie has become a lover, not even fog hampers P. B. Wonder who Billie Halms argyles go to this week? Oh, yes, Demit and Chester, do all your friends have stab wounds there? Incidentally, Box 17 looks much cleaner, but, honestly, fellows, lace curtains!!! Question: Whose mother doesnt . ... -K - teen. Now, the top two songs of the week : In second place we find: I Knew the Ball Park Was Haunted When That Old Bat Spoke to foster hall Viggles worth family? I can locate a good buy for a reasonable price. Auduben, a white cat, moved in with us for a couple of days and caught four mice, that we are sure of, and then disappeared ? Some say she died a natural death, but I think she, Auduben, hung. Then a little yellow dog, Sooner, came to live at the dorm. Bill Gold calls him Chiggers, but Bud Farr and Wayne Halstead, (they clean the dorms), renamed him Sooner. o PROFESSIONAL CLEANERS 1649 South 11th East Dial nt ;el. Ui lor 92 b NYLON SHIRTS Formerly $8.95 reduced to Button Down Collars, Oxford Cloth, $3.95 $6.95 BUDS Aden s Duds 2124 Highland Drive Sugar House "Where your business is appreciated |