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Show THE GREATEST LITTLE SHOW ON EARTH BY DAVID SELF NEWLIN ILLUSTRATION BY BRYAN GOMM Vs 440# DWARF MI HULK ANIDR E GET READY TO WRESTLE! A WINMSR IS VOu -Mazing tore his wrestling a comparable size, and pile drive the attire from his chest as though sense of shame right out of you in a he had been taught by Hulk half-sized boxing ring. Hogan himself. He let out a I had come hoping to experience roar and it seemed he would jump some sort of harking back to the back in the ring and start tearing traveling shows of P. T. Barnum. apart the other midget wrestlers he A surprising, but nevertheless had been throwing down on all night. wholesome, display of human Instead, he pulled suspenders over his strangeness offered up on those now bare chest and carefully placed strange human's own terms. Little a fedora on his pint-sized head and people being empowered by owning began thrusting his various little body their littleness and saying, "Hey, we parts dangerously close to a blonde can wrestle too. We can kick the same woman's head. She pulled out a dollar degree of butt as anyone. Little people bill. power!" It was at this point that I asked To a certain degree, this is precisely myself where I had begun making the what it was about. The wrestlers I mistakes that led me here and bought spoke with said they considered each another pint of hard cider. other to be family. Some said they had The Micro Wrestling Federation been on the road for over two years, will, for a certain sum, bring a crew putting on a gladiatorial extravaganza of between six and ten little people to every other night to the amusement an appropriately sized venue. Theywill of all in attendance and seeing the bartend, dance, sing karaoke and joke proverbial mountains' majesty and around to the great amusement of amber waves of grain in the process. all. They will also pound each other But perhaps those in attendance with trash cans, the wrestlers being of didn't share the wrestlers and my j sense of the empowerment inherent in doing what you love. Many weren't looking for entertainment — they were looking for a freak show they could feel superior to. I heard some in the crowd shouting slurs, calling out "cYo@$# you, midgets!" To these misguided boors, the wrestlers were tiny and different and deserving of only the kind of attention that weirdness brings. And there was certainly a lot of weirdness going around. The MWF is not unaware of this. In fact, they use it to their advantage. The key is to get these people as drunk as possible, and keep the booze flowing all night. This, perhaps, exacerbates the contempt of those who stupidly enjoy contempt, but it brings in the money. After seeing the country and being with their family, the crew all said that the pay was great. To keep they pay great, you have keep the people soused with wallet in hand, ready to pass the announcer a few bucks for a picture with Shae Sprong, the sexy referee, or throwing a fiver into the ring during the Chippendale finale. A high-minded intellectual such as myself could easily make the argument that the wrestlers are being exploited and demeaned, and this is not without merit or evidence. But the fools and bigots were very easily parted with their money, and this seemed to me a fitting retribution. After yet another hard cider, I came to the conclusion that it was not a series of mistakes that had led me here. Yes, it was shameless, base and silly. But entertainment is shameless, base and silly. Advertisements and models are shameless, base and silly, as are actors, movies, bands, paintings and full-sized wrestlers. The same thing brought me here that keeps me watching episode after episode of Futurama and reading page after page of The New Yorker - a little diversion. Or, in the case of Midget Mania, a little diversion. |