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Show Our Man Hoppe Birth Control In Vietnam By ARTHUR HOPPE Newsweek magazine reported that Donald Duck will appear in an educational cartoon to be shown around the world this Christmastime in order to instruct in-struct the underprivileged in birth control. The selection of Mr. Duck for this important role is certainly a wise choice wiser, for example; than Peter Rabbit. But I fear complication's may be envisioned. en-visioned. Scene: The thatched hut of Mr. and Mrs. Taiwan Onn near the little village of Whar Dat in West Vhtnnng where we have been fighting in a lightning light-ning campaign to spread the blessings of American democracy for the past 42 years. It is late on a moonlit night and Mr. Onn is just coming in the door with a bottle of pills, a bagful of j Art Nouveau objects and a bemused expression. Mrs. Onn (with a frosty smile) : Did you have a nice I time, dear at the Teahouse of the Passionate Lotus? Mr. Onn (with dignity) : I have been to the movies. Mrs. Onn (mollified): Oh, was it Rock Hudson? He would be so handsome, if he didn't have such a big nose. Mr. Onn: No, it was a duck. An American duck, I believe, in a blue sailor suit. He said there were too many of us Vhtnnngians. Mrs. Onn (frightened): Still? That means they will increase the bombings? Mr. Onn (frowning) : I don't know. This duck was most difficult to understand. He quacked. And he jumped up and down a great deal. But I think he said if we all take these pills, there will be fewer of us. Mrs. Onn (shuddering) : At least the guerrillas have the courtesy to come around and shoot you personally. I hope you will bury that bottle quite deep so that no poor child or dog will find it. (nodding toward the bag) But what are those? Mr. Onn: I was told that you must use them for .the sake of generations yet unborn. Mrs. Onn (relieved to deal with something familiar) : Ah, fertility symbols. I shall place them on the family altar and burn a joss stick. Mr. Onn (scratching his head) : I do not think that is the American way. But that fool duck quacked so, that I . . . Mrs. Onn (nervously) : Hush. You must not offend this great American duck god. He is obviously their terrible ter-rible god of life and death bestowing blessings on us with one hand and dropping bombs on us with the other Mr. Onn (nodding) : That is the American way. But what can we do? Mrs. Onn: Perhaps some day they will give up their worship of this duck in a sailor suit and come to feel the peace and love that emanates from our beloved three-headed snake goddess, Kriss Mah Phut. Mr. Onn (shaking his head as he sets forth to bury the bottle of pills) : I admire your faith, dear. But these Americans! Frankly, I doubt anyone will ever make good pagans out of them. |
