Show what I thinks a about bout CALIF CALIF- H HOLLY J- J JA A If I were a Republican orator Id I'd say the Democrats wouldn't need a keynoter at their convention when a hog- hog caller caner would be more suitable If on the other hand I were a Democratic tongue silver Id I'd say the Republicans needed no campaign campaign cam cam- committee whereas a n set of pallbearers would be highly As a Republican spellbinder Id I'd proclaim we were giving Puerto Rico four years sears In which gradually to cut loose from us because should th the V Ir Democratic outfit win In November f d by the end of those v V four yen years r s the r Puerto Ricans will willbe willbe willbe be used to having some Independence and well we'll be used Y by to having none at r all As a Demo- Demo Irvin S 3 S. cobb era cra critic tic champion Id I'd come rl right ht back bacIe by pointing out that since Puerto Rico Wco would starve to death nn anyhow how under a Republican Republican n lican administration congress mercifully mer mer- m mercifully r- r was taking steps to let the people down there get accustomed by degrees to the starvation process Meandering Revenue Program T THE TIIE members of the senate l finance committee poor committee poor things seem seem to be going forward with the new revenue re program the same way a n land crab makes headway headway- by traveling backward At last accounts accounts ac counts they were so snarled u-p u up In figures and language that any minute min min- minute ute the rescue party was expected to rush In with bush hooks bush hooks and chop them loose However Howe out of ot the epileptic seizure Into which these unfortunate unfortunate nate patriots have been enmeshed one concrete fact has hns emerged There will be a slight exemption of dues on the profits of corporations making less than a n year This will be a n great grent boon for trunk stores down by the depot brokerage firms handling second-hand second railroad tunnels and dealers In butter butterflies ie New Socialist Argument T THE HE trouble with being a SocIalIst Social- Social 1st Is that no matter what you jOU start to d debate bate you jou always wind windup windup windup up on the Tom Mooney case Or at least such was the situation until until un un- un til ui recently Now for any Socialistic Socialist Socialist- ic argument on any subject from German measles to the Great Wall of ot China there Is a new climax The tenants of a n Bronx apartment apartment apartment apart apart- ment house mostly radicals held a n meeting meeting- and In accordance with the best ra radical tra traditions drew up resol resolutions demanding that the management do tills this and that Having HavIng Having Hav Hav- ing read the fiery protest the superintendent superintendent super super- addressed the gathering Now not led ledding ing nobody hang out vashI In the hallways hallways- that's reasonable I 1 start beginnIng beginning beginning begin begin- ning that reform right away awny Und as to keeping off orr the front fire escape escape yell veil vy y But say vot do you suckers suckers' su cIers ux- ux me do the Scottsboro bo boys s 's 1 I Sauce for the Goose WHEN HEN 7 a bricklayer feels upset and licks his wife that's temper temper tem tem- per and he gets 30 or 30 days But nut when a n flicker star goes on a n simper sImBar similar sim sIm- per Bar tantrum and wrecks an nn expensive expensive sive set that's artistic temperament temperament tempera tempera- ment and the studio gives her some silver slIver fox fOA furs to calm her nerves Thus It goes If a couple in say Peoria break up why then a couple COUlle In Peoria have broken up But If the same thing occurs In n Hollywood Hollywood Hol Hal lywood It Invariably Is featured feature as asa asa a n nuptial rift A lad In Kansas takes his girl to toYe toYe toYe Ye Olde Ohio New Era Ern eatery eater for dinner and what with the blue plate specIals specials and the tip the transaction amounts to but oth otherwise r creates no special excitement emier locally locay or throughout the nation Let the same thing happen to a n couple of the least conspicuous of ot the movie colony and 20 0 Columnists fight their way to the wire S t Choosing a New Buddha FROM 1 ROM the forbidden den kingdom of ot Tibet TIbet although although goo goodness goodlier l knows they never had any trouble me out out comes comes word that after a two years years' search a n new living Buddha has been discovered However How How- ever eyer we already have our own grand lammer the name being beItlE Joe Louis The Tile news from Crom Lhasa should give encouragement to the poor unhappy py congressional committeemen who are prominently connected with the Townsend plan who'll condescend to talk to them You may quarrel with the Town- Town bookkeeping with their way of or handling the contributed dimes of ot thousands of trusting oldsters oldsters old old- with their failure to explain where they're going to get the billions billions bil bil- bil lions to pay those gaudy pensions or how the provisions of the distribution distribution dis dis- are to be enforced but at nt least the lea leaders ers are too proud to endanger their social positions by being cau caught ht chit-chatting chit with a II alot alot lot of ot congressmen IRVIN S S. S COBB Service SOr I |