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Show TRUTH THE SENATOR AND BUCK. continued the senator, handing himself a few pickled fixings to eat with his chops, an1 be afther takln a sate, fer tis mesilf as wants to be havin a shart talk wid yez. Wha's dat? ejaculated the coachman, as his eyes began to protrude until .they would have sustained a hat without effort, Yo wants to talk wid dis chile? Wha fo yo wants to talk wif me sah. Go on dar an dont be bodderin me kase I has to done gwine out to dat ar barn ob yos an clean off dem hosses fo de trip down town sah. Come here yez hand daubed son of a Zululand midnight, says the senator. Phwen I calls yez, I manes it. Sit down an an hov th otljer side av th a bite wid me. Sure Im not proud at al at all. Ive' ate wid worse wanst Hovnt I than phwat ye manny an mannys th time taken me aff an ore dejooner, as th shelf a but Cousin Jack? wid Yerra, pile I hov. An do ye tink its th likes av a nagur d be fadin me, sinatdr though Its iveryboddy I be? Divil a as is gone out th marnin an mesilf . is lonesome fer good intelligent Hand yersilf a plate an take a bite, ye maroon colored Senegam-bian- . Hov a chop; take two av ye want thim. Sure theres more there than I can ate mesilf. Yassah, yas-sasaid the handler of the ribbons, but sah to what obsequious cihcum-stancdoes I have to contribute the honah ob this disintegrated invitation to proticipate in yo mawnin mastication, sah? Aw, go. chase yersilf, reStop chewin th plied the senator. ra-ain Frinch. Yerra, .but since I got that felly from Parea to bile th praties an mek the stirabout divil a worrud do I hear round th' house but till frm marnin night Frinch. Its we, we, nong, nong, bong swar, purty gardy voo, umpty umty too, mong joo an' th divil an s all knaws phwat. Talk United Yassah, ye hunk av petrified ink. colored the answered person yassah, addressed: I was merely endeavorin, sah, to assehtain, sah, yo reasons, sah, fo. invitin, sah, a pusson laik me, sah, into breakfas wif a man, sah, ob yo high an mighty protuberta-ab- le ar-r-r- e. sa-ay- s, ha-port- h. com-pny- h, e g Sta-ate- ance, sah. Ah, yis, I sees, replied the senator. Its the likes av you 'd like to knaw phwat th likes av me manes by inwitin th likes av you inty ate wid th likes av me? Do I make Yassah, yassah, that mesilf plain? is I magines deres lots ob people, sah, rould unnerstan jest what yos tryin to tel me sah. Well, sit down an trow somethin inty th celler door av said the senator, and then yer while Buck trifled with the viands he continued: . fa-ac- much hes in no condition to ate anyav chaplain av some sunthin th marnin, 'Twas in th lasht burned regiment an make a Jawn T. ax that it happened. Sure, owld Milt Axtin av ye. Whilst yere makin th Barret, a Dimmycrat, was th auction- run Ill see yer expinses is paid, eer an he put up a lot of nagurs, coun-terf- av their not too heavy. An Ill make nagurs they was, Buck, fer sale. th fambly walk down town or take th s Arramusha 'twas th right thing th strate phwhen they wants to did gettin a Dimmycrat to sell go shoppin. Does yo all mean that byes nagurs. They're used to it. Divil a dis chile is to entah the flel ob politics? asked Buck. Raypubbl yeand sell a nagur. I Thats phwhat Not unless Id get a bigger price I manes, 'answered the senator. Den nor usual. Well. Ye knaw Cog an sah, returned the ebony offspring of Perry Heat is grate friends. Yerra Esther, Queen of Ethlopa, all I has I tink Cog d die fer Perry av he to say, sah, is that I accepts yo offah couldnt get away alive. Or at least sah. Wif de greatest consideration he wud up to lasht night. Dye folly fo yo extinguished gratification, sah. me, ye Kaffir? Yassah, yassah. In de name ob de suffrin millions ob Well Perry was there, disguised as my race, sah, I tanks yo, sah. I shall wan av yer own Arramusha, be proud, sah, to elucerdate to yo, 'twas a preud da-afer th colored sah, my but here he was interkind phwhen Perry put on cork an rupted by the senator, who remarked, grease an kern out before th worruld Cut It out. No more av th Frinch. in th av a coon. Phwhen Take another chop an trow it inty he forgot hed been th director av a yersilf, fer I see compny cornin. All bank avic. Phwhen he disremim-bere- I wants av yez is to howld down yer th time phwhen he was th expinse account to th limit an wote assistant to th ginral post- as yer towld to. And, having finmaster at Washinton. Phwhen he ished his morning meal the senator laid aside th official robes av th wiped his face on the table cloth, misav th National Committy an taking it for his napkin, and rang the dismountin frm th tripod av th bell tor his valet to sort out a polka Thribune made a nagur av himself. dot negligee shirt and an olive tie to Begorra he made a good wan, too. Ye match his latest suit of spring couldnt hav distinguished, him frm clothes. o wan av yer own crowd unless ye got close to him. It gave me an ijeo. ARMY AND NAVY. There may come a time, Buck, phwhen ye might get sick or want a In firing the rifle only 43 lay aff. Ill knaw phwhat to do thin. per cent of the ordinary powder explodes. Ill blacken up Perry an use him. not feel But thats phwhat makes Cog More work is put upon naval guns bad. Ye see Perry was put up fer n target practice each quarter than sale along wid another felly. Bot were required to stand during they av thim was knocked down to Ben the Spanish war. who has no use fer nagurs at all at I at drives to luk all, except phwhen The French chamber of deputies has by wid wan on th' box fer two cints. The other felly sold fer wan an nine adopted an amendment to the army tent cints an Perry fer th balance av bill appropriating $240,000 to provide th amount. An tis that phwhat wine for the soldiers. makes Cog sore. To tink, he To tink, that fer so long Ive wasted A naval gun when fired sustains a me time an me affection on a long pressure of fifteen to seventeen tons legged scaramouch of a gorsoon to the square inch. It has previously phwhat wud only bring th likes av stood a charge giving a force of twen-tthat sum at a forced sale, clothes an tons to the square inch at the So phwhile ye're here atin frm all. proving grounds. s me table th up stairs drinkin appoleonus wather to drown his sor-reThe Russians are experimenting with a water clad battleship, which has an upper deck of cork and a secBut thats not phwhat I called yez ond deck of armor. The space beinty me brekkus room fer, continued tween the twop can be filled with wat the senator, as he hurled, with uner- er; then the ship floats a foot under ring accuracy a fork into the midriff the seas surface. I of another pair of pork chops. Great Britain has the following called yez here that Id a chanst to ships in course of construction: get betther acquainted wid yez. Be- Eleven battleships, nineteen armored cause frm th notices yeve been getand four third-clas- s Ive come to th cruisers, two second tin in th cruisers, four scouts,;two sloops, yer quite a mon wid yer nineteen destroyers, eighteen torpedo own kind; that be vartue ay yer posiand bohts three submarines. tion here an th wans yeve held; by rason av th fact that yere only free It having been found 'that the accremoves frm bein driver fer th pris-tdifire of the new army rifle is ye are wan what ll soon he uracy-of. looked up to by manny an as such d not lessened by shortening its barrel Inches to twenty-fou- r get to be as prominent as meself in a from thirty coorse. Not small that. Id inches, the standard arm for infantry me fer senator, will be two feet long and it will suexpict ye to run agin fer av ye'thried that, wirra, Id sack persede the twenty-tw- o inch carbine yez immejeet, hut tis me ns' is Finkin' f the cavalry.' V that perhaps ye might run fer th ' th nixt time. An ye will Ill The Ripening of Bananas. make it an object fer yez. Trough Bananas can best be ripened in fi me untirin efforts ! can get yez th room kept at 110 degrees. ' po-siti- Buck, me bye, cried the senator to his mahogany colored charioteer, as the latter passed along the hallway, off the room where the statesman was making a light breakfast off pork and eggs. ''Yassah, answered the sable individual adressed. Come ye here, e, JH Dye knaw, Buck, me bye, me man Cog was out at th Tom show wid me lasht night an th sights phwhat he saw there an th worruds he hear-r-rsphake does be havin affected him so d il LITTLE THOUGHTS. on A laugh is worth a hundred groans in any market it ca-ar- wud-den- t. ra-ac- e. A sure way to beat tit e professional gambler: Dont play. Many a beau is made to quiver when Cupid fires his darts. What a good world this would be if all men did what they boast of. A postponed task more toil begets, and borrowed money pays no debts. It is natural that ihe man who . gives himself away should feel cheap. y cha-rackt- It takes one to make a mind, two to make a bargain, three to make a marriage. er d fir-r-r-r-- If Never advertise your troubles. you have bowlegs, dont wear striped st trousers. sic-retar- y Some people get credit for broken hearts when they have simply lost their nerve. . hce The hotel which- advertises comforts does not always specify the kind of home. - Many a true word is spoken in jest, and many a false statement is made in deadly earnest. . , ' i't The man who fights to preserve the peace may be inconsistent, but he is sometimes effective. A ajekass is not generally credited ' with too much wisdom, but he can make a tremendous noise with his mouth. i sa-ay- s, i ; , He is happy whose circumstances suit his temper, but he is more excellent who can suit his temper .to any circumstances. . y The New White Page. A former Philadelphian recently gained a Missouri girl for his bride by the elopement method. The girl was somewhat romantic, and when the ceremony had been performed and the telegram sent apprising her parents of what had taken place, she looked soulfully up into the eyes of her husband and said : Dear, we have added a leaf to our book of life havent we? Yes, replied the hapI py groom, guess it must be the la-ad- r. . to-da- y, . pa-ape- rs - fly-lea- f. con-clusio- n nt - wa-ay.a- v ' ! Humbug, Humbug is a corruption of Hamcontinental war burg. In an from Hamcame many false reports burg. Thus it came about that when, any one was incredulous he would say That came from Hamburg, or That In time Hamburg is Hamburg. became humbug. : old-tim- e leg-islacho- or THEODOSIUS BOTKIN ATTORNEY , AND ' AW COUNSELOR-AT-- L - City . Miss Nora Gleason, i. . TEACHER. OF MUSIC , studio. so. rtt. first . PHcfcE 1289 Z. niff-f- Tr. |