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Show THE UNJYE.R~ITY JOURNAL· OUTHERN UTAH UNIVER ITY • TUE DAY, JANUARY 19, 1999 ~°'~ A ~~~- 'fO\ltt ~l\G \i Uf 10 COMMENTARY 13 °/o] LACK OF PARKING AT SUU A FALLACY f there is one complaint that is e hoed across the c ampu m re than any other, it i urcly that of insufficient parking. Th e j ournal believe , however, thar the problem has more· to do with laziness on th part of a great many students at thi university more than it doe with too few white lines painted on the gro und. Fir t of all, to ·ay tha r the re i n 't enough parking i ab urd. Let 's be lightly more specifi . What complain rs about parking actua lly mean i that there are n ' t eno ugh parking pace ituated in uc h a manne r a to allow one to pull into a stall, turn off the ignition , op en the door and kno k a pr fe ·or down a he r she cake a left into the clas room . Believe it o r not, there i a fin ile numbe r of parkin g p o t that can he ituated aro und an y given tructure. It appears that the laws of phy ics ha e a hand in this . It is very easy to ay that we hould c reate more parking a nd quite anothe r thing to actually p ull it off In the h ypothetica l world in w hich the university actually nee d · mo r e p a rkin g, ho w do yo u up p os e the p a rkin g p roce, te r · w9uld go a ho ut c reating m o re ·p ace a nd wh e re would they go? ure ly, the prima ry o ptio n w o uld h to e nli t the my rical powers of David Coppe rfield to make the h ou e , apartment an d c h ool b uildi ng urro u nd ing campu van i h into thin air whereu po n they would join the ·tatue of Lib rty and a United rat e ai rcraft ca r rier in hy p e r pace, enjoying t:lcrnal hli s a· they t ravel together in terdi men ·io nally on a que ·t co take up parking ·pa e near school , malls and grocery stores. Cerrainly. there are many c II ges and universitie that would !ove to have ' UU's parking "problem.'· Docs the phrase "parking · huttlc " mean anything to you cran fer rndent from the niversity of Utah? And if you 've ever heen to U LV the n you probably know that il's a roll of the dice every time you ·ear h fo r a place to pa rk there. · dmim:dly, the two primary cudent lo t at U which re quire a parking ti ker are full most f the time. But the other parking o ptions o pe n co stude nt are just as viable. Th e LD Institute lo t is o p e n for smdent u e a we ll as an additional IOl 1 cared on 100 orth . And the lot outhwe t of the Centrum ALWAY ha open pocs. If you till have trouble finding a parking pot , might we sugge t riding a bike, for you will probably have less difficulty finding omewhere to lock it up. Furthermore, it might give you the neces a.ry exercise you 've been lacking which would allow you to walk farther than 50 feet to cla . DIRECTING STAFF ANO DESK PHONE NUMBERS: Editor Glenn Halterman 5 6-7750 Associate Edito r David Bamn 586-7759 Opinion Oi,«1-01 Anna Turpin 5 6-7759 Photo Editor John Gucnler 5 6-7750 Copv Editor Russell Millet 586-7750 focus Editor Kami Egan 5 6-1992 Ans Editor Brandon Bevan 865-8443 ' ports Editor Chad Limb 865-8443 Almanac Edito1 Anna Turpin 865-8226 Ad Manager Kyle Case 51!6-7758 d Designer Jansen Gunderson 586-775 Faculty Ad-.isers Lauy Baker 5 6-775l Mom s Brown 865-8556 'ENlOR TAFF WRITER AND REPORTER ' DF.Sll 586-7757, 586-548 The Unn·a ., uy Journot is ruhJ,,hcd' t."Ycry Monday ,md Thurs~)' uf thl." .ilta\k:.,mc yCAr h)' anJ for the ttutk."nt hvJy of Svut.hctn. Uuh Un1\'\.:tstty h u..'CCtVCS .1d"1.scmcnt (mm tht.: '1fl1vcn,ty's cummun,e:,mon ..k.1QJtmcnt :.nd fnnt1 1.tu: um'tcr ny •Jmrn1str,umn The VlUWS anJ op,m ns c•rrct.s..o\f m the Journal ;uc t ~ of 1nt.1;viJu~I wm.cn nJ Jo nut oco:ssaTily rcfh!ct the v11..-ws a( the 1n tnution, racuhy, staff or n.u,UCm buJy ,n Jl!ncul Th~ un 1~al 1.'U1wrnil J1r\.-clly uhic,vc is th,,:. UJ11n1un .-.f th\!' Umvc!r$Uy Joomol llis .a sin1t.lt: l!ndt' LL·u.cn m tlk:: ~1mr mu.st ht.:. tVJ".'<I and inc.Ju.de th\; name anJ r honc number. Only 1hc n_.mc will k rnnu;J N ..uncs wilt nu1 be wit hhdU u11Ju any csrcumuanC\.'t: .imJ th,.; cil1tur rCM:nocs cditin.tt rnvik:at4.:S Lcttcl'J mutt ht .suhmn.u;J hr~ p.m Thursd.ays fut inc\usmn in Momlay cdiuons, and by S r .m. MonJ.i.ys lor ThunWy "'-d,cmru 1nd1-.adual w uh a ,:rlcvano.:: a~ajMl the Journal .shoulJ tlfn..'Ct such pruhlcm fmn w t.bf; cJ,n,.pr If unr · i vi.:.J, that ir1c'4'anc1: shnuld th~n he J lrcct L"tl to lhc fll.C.Ulty the /uu.rnaJ Su.:.:nng Comrn iu u:. whtch,. chweil by Of. Fraon G. P.:ar,on, Sl<6-7ll71 Ueinrsi1y /""""'1, Off>ccs m SUU Technolu~y Bu1hlong 0 11 Mail at SUU Bo, 93114, Ccwr Coty, U1ah 114nn f AX. 14.l SJ 5116-5487. E-maJ aJJrcsa; 10unu.llhuu.cuu C rit.n n.c:H": Anf P111N'l"ED O U icYCL>l> PAPat l'lf.ASll llECYQ.f. TIIIS C.On'. ~U'it Utft~ ~OW KlG~ \1\~ &e \f 1\\~ ~eAA~ ~01e$ ~ out or orr,c.e! DAVE BARRY COMMENTARY Heartland swings on despite Starr report On the weekend that Kenneth :carr rclea ed hi Official Big Book o ' m ut, I went co America 's Hea rt land to see how ordinary citizen were handling the ongoing t raumatic national crisis involving Prcsid nt Clinton. · As you kn ow if you read thi. column regularly, Am e rica ' Heartla nd i lo c ated in Arcola, Ill. , w hi h -to orient you- i immediately uth of i arch-rival ciry, Tu ola. To get to Arcola, you cake jet airplanes a far as they will go, then you switch to a "commute r" airline, which gets it name from the fact that "commuter" so unds better than "certified passenger." You can tell when you' re dealing with a commuter airline hecau e your flight number i longer, in linear feet , than the wingspan of your airplane. Also there's only one counter per on, who i al o a baggage handler, mechanic , and pilot, and who i making announcements like, "If you're waiting for Flight 36548257 from Mo Haven, be advised chat this flight has been delayed by h ep. For pas engers on Flight 538023532 576 to Sludgemont, that tught will be boarding just as soon as we can find the, whaddycallic, the thing that goe on the motor. If you arc a passenge r on_ Flight 353090864-53 56 95 for Weeherville, we have a weight limitation due co a wing hole and we are a king that you remove any exec jewelry, car keys, breath mints ..." The co pit ere on my flight con i ted of two teen-age boys. OK, that's an exagge ration: One of them was 11 . I'm pretty ·ure that , once they do ed the little curtain between the cabin and the cockpit, they played "rock, paper , sci ors" co ee who would get to be the pilot. After a 0-minute flight that la ted, in Commuter Airline Passenger Time, 163 hours, we landed at Willard Airport, whl h ervice Champaign, UL (Motto: ~Gateway To A Whole Lot Of Flatne .") From there l rented a car and drove past a number of scenic tractor distributor hip to Arcola, where the annual Broom Com Festival was in fuU swing. The Broom orn Festival celebrates the era when Arcola was a leading upplier of "' ty~e of . ,--···- --·· com used to make broom ·, and thu wa a major p layer rn the high- take , fa ·t-pa ed world of international broom man ufacturing. TI, ·e hecti days are over, and today Arcola ha diversified into other economic area , such as being he home of the World' Largc, L Rocking hair. But the Broom Com Fe tival is tilJ the highlight of the year in Arcola, d rawing p eople fro m a fa r as Paris. (I refer to Paris, Ul., w hi h i 32 miles away.) So anyway, as a profe ·ional journalist, I pent several minute gauging the reaction of the Bro m Corn Fe tival c rowd to the ongoing trauma tic national c ri i ·. Although I did not bear anybody actually mention the tarr r p rt, it was lear to me that many Heartland residents-I estimate 63 percent-were feeling concerned, ba ed on thereflective manner in whi b they chewed their pork chops. The only dir ct reference to the national cri is that I aw occurred at the annual busine meeting of the World Famous Lawn Rangers precision lawn · mower drill team, of which I am a proud member. The Lawn Rangers are an elite corp of men who, after a rigorous training rcgim n that ometimes . la t for everal keg , march in th Broom Com · Fe tival parade, carrying hrooms and pushing highly modified lawn mowers. Naturally we do this for a good cau e , namely: To improve the morals of our nation ' youth . Parents along the parade route can ay to their children, "You better be moral, or you'll wind up like these men. t the lawn Ranger businc s meeting, which i held in Ranger Ted h lcld ' drive way, everal Rangers gave a thought-provoking pre encacion on the current traumatic national crisis, in which one of the Rangers• put on a blue dre and, using a tanda.rd bratwurst... Well, I'm not going co teU you what he did. As far as I'm concerned, there is no room for chat kind of disgusting, immature, low-rent: pathetic, repuJ ive, sleazy behavior in thi great nation. Outside of the White House, I mean. K Rave Barry is a nationally syndicated columnis~ .. .. . . . .. ........ "' . .... . . .. ......... . - |