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Show FRIDAY, MAY 29, 1998 • - nm UNNERSITY JOURNAL· SOUTIIERN UTAH UNIVERSITY -- - LETTERS I ' I Surviving Splash Mountain • I have worked in the Registrar's Office for nearly two years now. I found Veronica Gamer's commentary in the Wednesday, May 20, e dition of the fournal very interesting. I can say that I e mpathize with h er on bow frustrating the long lines are. But my frustration comes from the other side. Do you have any idea how intimidating it can be to come into wo rk at 8 a.m. and see more than 20 people lined up outside your work waiting for you? Som et imes it makes me want to tum around, go home and go back to bed. During the time I have w o rked for the school, we have tried to come up with new ways to make registration quicker and more efficient. We have succeeded in many ways, by no longer requiring paperwork every time you register and by setting up Internet registration. Yet there arc still lines and frustrat ed people. So, I thought I could offer some tips for making the lines move a little quicker. l. Be aware of which classes you want to take. Please don't come and tell us, "I. want the math class at IO a.m." That isn't enough information for us to get the class you need. If every student came with the course 1.0. and section number (for exampl e-Mat h 1010 01) o r the five digi t call number, the line would move a lot quicker. I can register most people in one minute if they just read the classes they want to m e. 2. There are many people that wait in the lines just s·o they can get a card to get signed into a class. The cards are available out on the table so that students don't have to wait. Also, make sure you have the right card. If you are confused about which card you should use, h e re 's a quick guide. First, there's th e yellow permission card. This card is to be used when a student must get the instructor's or the department's permi ssio n in order to take a certain course. Some classes that require this type of card arc internships or practicums. This card is NOT to be used when a class is fuU. Next is the pink section closed card. This card is only to be used when a class is full (or closed). This is the only purpose this card serves. The blue time conflict card. is for when you have tw o classes that have conflicting times. And you must have the signature of BOTH instructors if you want to reg is ter fo r conf Iicting classes. 3. My third and final point I want to address is-always bring your student identification . We arc all adults now so we should get used to the fact that we need to carry ID with us. We don 't require identification just because it's fun to look at everyone's mug shots. It's :1 federal law and it's so your records and accou nts are protected. I hope this smart checkl ist he lps people like Ms. Garner who are frustrated by the long lines. I also h ope th e lines move quicker now. Happy registration everyone. Jill Ormond UNI V ERS ITY J9~11 PROFESSIONAL STAFF AND DESK PHONE NUMBERS: Editor Larry Baker 586-775 1 O,mpu• Editor fun Robinson 586 -1997 Consuhing Sporo Ediron Neil c,,dner 586-7 753 Breu Jewkes 586,7752 STUDENT STAFF AND DESK PIIONE NUMBERS: A-"OCl•re Edlrors VtroniG> G•mn S6S-8225, 586-7750 Brandon Rhoda 586-7750. 586-1992 A I' Wirt Ediror K•m1 Eg,n 58(,. 7759 Aris Editor Ann• Turpin 586-5488 Copy Editor Tmu Tew 586-5488 Sporu Edilor Ch,d Lamb S6S,844J Phoro Editor John Guerrier SS6,7759 Advtnbfog M•rugn M.tggic Neisen 586-7758 REPORTERS' DESK 586,7757 • The Umv,urry /oumol h pubh,hcd every .Monday. Wcdnc...S,y ,nd Frlwy o/ the , udcmic yc,r u • publ1c.u1o n of Sou thttn Uu.h Un1vcu1ty, iu dcp,r1mcnt of commu~1u1ion, .1 nd the SUU Studt:nt Anoc1ation The views JnJ opink>ni expressed in the Journal ;uc those of lnd1vHJu.il wn1crs and do n0t n«ess.artly rc:fla:1 the or,inion of the /oumal or any entity of the univcnhy. LcJtcn to the 1.."'duo,r mun be typed ,nJ include rllc n,mc , nJ phone numbc:r. Only the !'•me_will bc: punr<J. N, mu will not be wuhhdJ under Jny cu'C'umsunccs .ind the tduor rucrva ccLu~ pnv1l~a. Utters mUJt be submmc:J by noon F,id,ys for t,\omby cJi1ion1 Tuesdoys for Wcdnesd,y cd11ion1 a.n d Thursdays lo, Frid,y cd11ion1 Gt'itv.1ncH: Any indJvtdu1I with a i:ricv1nct againn chc Journal should direct such rrobl~m first t~ t~c cJuo, II unresolved, th'1 gricnn<c should then be Jorccrcd 10 1hc /ourno/ S1ccnn~ Comm111«. whtGh u chaired by Dr. Fmn C . P<>non• .S86-7971. Uaivuslry f oumal: Offices in SUU Tcchnolo~y Su1IJ1ng OOJ. Mlll " SUU Box 9384, Cedar Ciry. Uuh S4no. FAX (4351586-5487. E-m, 11,ddrcu; ,oum,tC,uu.cJu 0 ( )PlllN'nD ON RECYCLED P/.P£R. PU/.SE RECYCLE THIS COPY, ~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~\? ~r{) GJ(9f:]{3 'i?GJf3(;s~o ~~ ~-;\} ~,!) t 0=3&~ ~ cJ{?)r:.9 6G3 ~ ~f!!~ <:J& ••• ~~~m§~§ffi ~C9 DERK ~ {j/{) [1~ffJ0 ~ Journal 5-29-98 CON4RATVLAnONS I DAVE BARRY ! COMMENTARY I Going ballistic over golf clubs Every now and then somebody thinks up a new idea that is so totally revolutionary that it just totally revolutionizes everything. For example, in 1905, Albert Einstein stunned the scientific community when he announced that "e" is equa l to "roe squared." Until that point, scientists had no idc.1 what "e" was equal to. Oh, sure, they had known since the days of the ancient Egyptians that "e" came after "i," except when both letters were preceded by a "c." But nobody h.1d ever even considered the possibility that "c" might have anything to do with "m." We'll never know what other amazing things would have been revealed about the alphabet if Einstein had lived longer. We do know that, just before h e died, he told fri en ds that he was working on "something really ~ig involving 'k."' Albert is gone, but fortunately for humanity in general there are still great minds at work, coming up with breakthrough ideas a normal person couldn't imagine without ingesting gin. One such idea was brought to my attention recently by an alert reader named (really) Dwain Vanderhoof, who sent me a brochure for a new type of golf club, which I absolutely swear I am not making up, called the Ballistic Driver. The Ballistic Driver is a "swing-less" golf club. You grip it as usual, and you position the head of the club next to the golf ball. But instead of swinging the club, you press an "Activator Button" on the grip; this deto nates a small explosive charge inside the club bead, which causes a metal plate to shoot out the side of the club a distance of J.5 inches at a speed of 200 mph. The plate hits the golf ball, and according to the brochure, goes "250 yards, every time... down the middle, exactly where you aimed it, drive after drive." Is that a great idea, or what? Now you can play golf WITHOUT HA YING TO MANUALLY HIT TiiE BALL! So I called the company that makes the Ballistic Driver, GPower Inc. of Sunnyvale, Calli. I spoke with one of the partners, Elizabeth Poggi, who confirmed the Ballistic Driver 1s a serious product aimed at those who can't swing golf clubs, as well as for people like me who would prefer not to. Poggi stressed the Ballistic Driver, which will sell for around $800, has safety features that prevent it from going off accidentally, as well as (I am still not making this up) a silencer. Just imagine what it would be like if golf clubs were randomly detonating with loud bangs on golf courses, not to m e nti o n in airports, hote l elevators, etc. It would be a lot of fun! But it would also be wrong, which is why I am urging everybody to remember this basic rule of golf: Always assume your club is loaded. I think the Ballistic Driver could transform the game. Poggi told me if the club wcreJittcd with a titanium stri ke plate_, "it could theoretically propel the ball 500 yards." This means a pathetic schlump like me could propel the ball farther than Tiger Woods Inc. hits it on those rare occasions when he is n ot "filming American Express commercials. And who knows what lies down the road? I mean, if we can make a club that can hit the ball 500 yards, why not 1,000? Why not 1,500? Why not a miler Maybe we will see the day when golfers, using a descendant of the Ballistic Driver, perhaps powered by a small quantity of plutonium, are stepping up to the tee and driving the ball into another time zone. Wouldn't that be great? Of course, there's always the danger it will fall into the wrong bands. You could have street gangs converting these clubs to Fully Automatic mode :1nd driving in their low-rider carts to rival golicourses, where they'd spray out hundreds of balls per minute in vicious "drive-by" tee-offs. So there will be those who will try to ban the Ballistic Driver. To them I say: Forget it. The U.S. Constitution guarantees us-not in so many words, but the intent is clear-the right to keep and bear golf clubs. This precious right was fought for in the Revolutionary War by our courageous foreparents, the Minutepersons, who stood up for it on the green at Lexington. Although they did bogey that particular hole. Dave Barry is a nationally syndicated,columnist. |