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Show Tlie Tfiuiufrrlrircf Ns.. V - A.F. RICH, PC 60 NORTH MAIN STREET CEDAR CITY, 586-888- 1 I kind-hearte- d beast-childre- FROM SOUNDS EASY 570 SOUTH MAIN ST. RENAISSANCE SQUARE iTiLmUaa l. Good Dec. 2-- 5, 1985 Monday thru Thursday sounds easy, J.'" -- sturlnt I.D. Only$k sK yTA. V, beast-childre- hit-ma- An Independently-owne- Franchise of Sounds Easy Franchising Corporatic 1984 Sounds Easy FC All Rights Reserved UNIQUE Christmas Gifts Mythological and Shakespearean Figurines Theatre Masks, Pins , Clowns etc. Flush Stuffed Animats OCd English Cottages And much more DECEMBER IS HERE! Say Merry Christmas in a special way with fabulous KIS prints in each Christmas Card. In less than one hour, KiS can give you high quality prints at a special low price. KIS PHOTO 518 S. Main, Cedar City 586-FOT- O (586-368- 6) Ell PHOTOg Piuje friend kind-hearte- d told you that I was looking forward to spending my alone that was my plan. As Destiny would have it, Thanksgiving friend (whose however, this plan was doomed to failure. A name I will change to avoid embarrasment), fearing that I would sink into depression if left alone for the holiday, invited me to have Thanksgiving dinner with his family. It is true that I am given to reclusiveness, but it is also true that I am not one to turn down a free dinner. I accepted. Around four oclock, Thanksgiving day, Bill (not his real name) called and told me to come on over it was almost time to eat. As soon as I pulled up in front of his house, I knew I was not going to have a good time there were many cars parked in the driveway and on the road. This could mean only one thing: Relatives. Lots of them. The horror began once I entered the house. Introductions were made. I was Steven, a friend of the family. The blob in the chair with the damp hand was Uncle Roland. What I thought were a pair of mummies in the corner turned out to be Grampa n Wayne and Gramma Petunia. There were five or six little who screamed constantly and produced seemingly endless streams of drool. One of them had his hand in the mashed potatoes, and was stuffing them into his mouth. Another was putting peas up her nose. The rest of the adults were in the kitchen, sampling vast amounts of Bills (not his real name) moms notorious Holiday Punch, and talking about people who were not there. Here, have some punch, someone cried. I took one sip, and thought for a moment that someone had played a cruel joke on me, and given me a mug of hot Pine-SoThen I saw four empty bottles of Vodka on the counter, and realized then why the punch tasted as it did. I also realized then why everyone was laughing so hard. I let the sink finish my punch. Suddenly, from the living room, there was a scream, a loud thud, a crash, and a small explosion. The first thing I noticed was the smoke. Then I noticed the floor lamp protruding from the TV screen. A child lay on the floor screaming. Grampa was whacking himself with a newspaper. What happened? someone yelled. n told the tale: Grampa was smoking his One of the pipe, an... an he fell asleep, an his pipe came outta his mouth, an then his pants got on fire an he woke up yellin and scared Jerry, an he fell down an the lamp fell down, an now we got no more telebishon. After about half an hour we got everything straightened up, and were relaxing and congratulating ourselves on how well we handled the situation. Then someone said, Hey, isnt that turkey probably about done? Bills mom gasped and raced into the kitchen. A moment later we heard her say, "Alright everybody, we can eat now. We filed into the dining room and took our places. While we were waiting, Uncle Roland asked me that series of inevitable questions which I so despise: So, Scott... Steve, I interupted. Oh yes, sorry. So, Steve, whats your major? English, I said. Oh, you uant to teach? he asked. No. I want to be a writer, I replied. A writer, eh? Well, ho ho, I never heard of nobody getting any money that way. Whatre you going to do for money if you dont make it? I was going to tell him Id thought of becoming a when Bills mom emerged with the turkey. Its a little burned, she explained as she held up the turkey, which looked like it had been napalmed, but I think itll be ok. Maybe it would have been, but we never found out. As she walked to the table, Tad, the family poodle, raced in front of her and tripped her. The blackened turkey flew out of her hands, over our heads, and crash through the plate glass window. Shards of glass rained down on the table, and into the rest of the food, as the turkey landed in the front yard. I looked out the broken window just in time to see the turkey being torn to shreds by a pack of wild dogs that came from nowhere. In the ensuing chaos, I managed to slip out. So much for Thanksgiving. Next year, Ill stay at home. Where its safe. Last week 1985 NOW ALL STUDENTS. EMPLOYEES. AND FACULTY OF SUSC WILL RECEIVE A 15SDISCOUNT FROM DR RICH'S ALREADY LOW FEES FOR CONTACTS. CLASSES. & FASHION FRAMES IN' FACT. EVERYTHING v BY STEVE YATES Curse of the 2, GOOD NEWS! GOOD NEWS! r Cachectic Ohservatoiy Morulav December U X " , 73B, rJ4 i ZI 586-155- 3 98 West Center Ye Merry Wives Flower St Gift Shoppe 5 |