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Show WIT AND HUMOR. Even the saga likes his 'ra oon-seiisc. oon-seiisc. DilUis Sewn. The man who never talk aV.ut his neighbor is usually a spluudid lislcuer. Elinira Gazelle. Attendant(in railroad waiting-room) "Say, mister, no going to sleep hero This ain't uo church." Life. It takes two to gossip. T!,i man who listens can throw no blame on the man who tells. Atchison Globe. The person who can the least spare it is often most willing to give others piece of bis miud. Bomt Sentinel. The spectators may regard a ballplayer ball-player as bad, but oftentimes lio isn't half as bad as bo fields. Bimjhamton Lander. It may be "Lo, tho poor Indian" in poetry, but Indians coma high to the United States Government. Washing ton tost. The trouble in lending our ears if that the borrowers take such liberties with thorn beforo returning them. Atchison Vlobj. Sanso "I mako it a point to learn aomething from everybody I meet." Rodd "Ah! You must be, a rocluio." X. Y. llcrald. A man no sooner gets old enough ta know how to talk well than he also) learns the value of not talking ut till. Alchioon Globe. He (at 11:55 p. m.) "I declaro, the lamp is going out!" She "Yes. The lamp seems to have some idea of time.'' Harper's Bazar. Smiley "Now, remember, I don't want a largo picture." l'liotographei "All right, sir. Thou plunso close your mouth." boston Traveler. Scribbler "I have just lots of fun writing my jokes." Friend "Then that explaius it. I wondered whore the fun came in." Detroit Free Press. "Drop nie a lino." yelled tho drowning drown-ing man. "What's the use?'' said the humorist on tho dock. "There's nc postoflico where you arc going." Life. A New York paper says that "Mrs. Shaw, the whistler, is still in Europe.' Wo know some whistlers that we wisl were still in America. l'onliers Stales man. There nre lots of people in thisworlt who wear silks aud velvets on top, wit! a carefully covered garment of sack cloth aud ashes underneath. Atchison Globe. An agnostic is a man who does not knew anything, and glories in tho fact. The atheist is a smart man who rejoice in making a fool of himself. Boston Traveller. The discontented Indians may go on the theory suggested by the ballet, thai if it is customary for dancers te kick it is only natural for the kickers to dauce. Washington Post. There nre two things needed in these days: First, for rich tneu to find out how poor men live, aud. second, fot poor men to know how rich men work. Edward Atkinson. Fred "They say Baker has a. great deal more get-up about him than be used to have." Harry "Yes, he has to. They have twins at home." Detroit Free Press. Husband "Tho marks on my col-lars col-lars are getting so faint I can't rend them." Wife "Tlieu I wish you would get another bottle of that iudelible ink." N. Y. Sun. "I would give anything if I but hail a musical ear." "Why don't you tako quinine?" "Quinine?" "Certainly; that will make your cars sing." Indianapolis Journal. "Snolley writes a good doal better thau be talks." "O, immensely." "Then yen have read some of his writings?" writ-ings?" "No. but I have heard him talk." Btsten Transcript. "So the old gentleman kicked you dowa. the stoop when you called to see his daughter. Did ho 'break anything?" any-thing?" "Yos he broko onr engagement." engage-ment." Fhtiadelpitia Timet. She They haeo discovered some wood in Egypt which is said to be 4.-000 4.-000 years eld. I wonder what kiod it is?" Ho (imnerturably) "Chestnut, of eeurse.1' Washington Strtr. Mrs. Bunting "Who was tho violinist violin-ist who plaved at yonr reception, Mrs. Larkin?" "Mrs. Larkia "It wasn't a violinist nt all. It was a virtuoso. Why. I bad to pay Uitn &0." N. Y. S'fflJA "What a aretty girl Jimsen's typewriter type-writer must be," mused Watts. "I ever saw such au outrageeus lot ef misspelled words in a business letter before in all my days." Indianapolis JmtirnnL Mr. Fuller to Clarence (4 years eld) "Why, Clarence, hew much you look like yeur father." Clarence (resignedly) (re-signedly) "Yes, sir. Everybody says that, but I du't think I deserve it." if. Y. 8-un. "But, Carl, how can you driak so much beer?" "I driuk it as a reward f virtue, for, you see, I drank milk for a whele year." "You did! And what year was that, prny?" "My first, of course." Flkaende Blatter. She "That was a funny story you told me yesterday nbouti a donkey, Mr. Gretrgs." He 1 yau think so?" SUe "Yes, indeed! After this whenever when-ever I see a donkey it will remind me of yon." Alunsey's Wetkly. Why is it that it is so much easier for other people to say mean things about a mau thau it is fro make a pleasant comment? You yourself, you kuow, sever say nnythiug but pleasant things abaut anybody. SomarvilU Journal. Bingo "If I were rich for jnst od little hour!" Kingloy "I should like to knew what good that would do you." Binge Well, I'd spend just about fifty-hva minutes in making my property "over to my wife. Harper's Bazar. "I should liko to observe, madam," said the patient boarder, "that whilo I . am very fend of the neck of tho fowl you are earvlng, I shall deny mysolf this year and beg for a largo, white chunk off the breast. With this view ' have had my trunk paoked, and a dra;-aiaa dra;-aiaa is now waiting at the door for an aaswer. Er is it breast or neck?" Jiurrinim flrnivr. t t |