Show It 1 14 C K C 4 t k I Chris Wentworth your Freshman Class President Editor famed astrologer medium medium medium med med- ium ghost hunter psychic and General Abuse Writer Writ Writ- er am also an expert ex is a has-been has spert is a drip under pressure in the field of dream analysis That's right JUAN Ill I'll give it to you straight from the world of the subconscious where I spend three fourths of my time anyway Dreams that seem to have no meaning are quite easily decoded by my exquisitely tuned psyche and for a minimal fee fifty dollars down and your first firstborn firstborn firstborn born child Ill I'll include a deluxe copy of your charts that reveal why your sex life has been paralleling the adventuresome adventuresome adventuresome ad ad- venturesome life of an earth earth- worm ENOUGH To the business business business busi busi- ness at hand I now give you the permission of the Cosmic Order to read and ponder over this months month's dreams sent in by students The wisdom of the Zodiac and careful study into the etchings salvaged from the restroom restroom restroom rest- rest room walls of the College Center allow me to analyze these dreams with complete and utter accuracy SO READ ON Letter Dear Cosmos Chris I keep having these reoccurring dreams that make no sense to me Every night this week Ive I've dreamed of being the cheese I 4 P slice in the middle of a McDonalds McDonald's McDonalds McDonald's Mc Mc- Donalds Donald's Filet o 0 Fish I have arms and legs n everything but I cant can't get up before the cook who looks like my math teacher stuffs me into a and I cant can't escape He lies me under the heat lamp without sunglasses or anything and I begin to melt Then Im I'm tossed into a bag with other smelly things I begin to suffocate suffocate suf suf- in this dream then I wake up very depressed What's going on P PS S My bed smells like tartar sauce in the morning Sincerely C. C CJ J. J CJ You have an acute inferiority infer infer- complex that subconsciously subconscious subconscious- ly makes you feel as it youre you're being pushed around by your peers Youve You've obviously had a trying time in your studies with no alternatives for success Cheese is one of the purer foods are you still a virgin Anyway Im I'm sure youve you've had an experience experience experience ence of no consequence so stop bothering me and try some deodorant deodorant deodorant deo deo- dorant before you go to bed CC Dear CC I wasn't going to write you at all but my husband has urged me to relate the dream I had just last night Im I'm a time part-time waitress Ive I've been working some hard hours on the weekends and I think its it's me I had a waitress's nightmare There were three hundred hogs sitting in the booths and I was the only waitress available The hogs just keep on and grunting at me for service when a gigantic hot fudge sundae fell out of the sky and exploded through the roof of the restaurant All I can remember after is swimming through the vanilla ice cream and bumping into a huge half-cherry half which was afloat in the sea of ice cream and fudge I struggled into it and started pulling the fudge out of my hair when a nut a real nut I think he was a cashew swam up to the cherry and begged permission to come aboard Permission granted we soon became friends He admitted admitted admitted admit admit- ted that he was very hungry and proceeded to chew on my arm It didn't hurt I was just about all eaten up and I suddenly awoke S ii F Fg g ri H c kJ i iy 1 y w x I 7 j Al s j I Hey Chris tell me what this means Sincerely Cindy Dear Cindy Stop working or you'll soon be beyond help Many people dream of hogs and hot fudge sundaes most of these are now in institutions You didn't mention if you were backstroking or or what through the ice cream This important factor needs tion Chances are you'll soon be pregnant you read it here first The ordeal with the cashew man and his hearty appetite represents represents represents a paradox Actually it sounds as it hes he's a little and youre you're obviously NUTS CC Dear Chris I dreamed I was the life of the party in my maid- maid bra What do you think Sincerely OL Say What OL Hey You mention no specific dimensions so I am assuming youre you're a man Your problem is obvious You have tendencies of becoming a transvestite You seem an im- im complete person wheres where's your bottoms Your future karmic connections will include strange exotic parties with f and stuffed kangaroos playing major roles Beware of Playtex Sales Sales- men Best Wishes CC I hope this has cleared up your questions concerning your dream world Those of you who have dreams that seem unexplainable please give me a brief rundown of your dream and Ill I'll use my supersensitive supersensitive supersensitive su su- su- su sensitive per-sensitive powers to unravel it Stay in touch with me and prepare yourself for the interpretation interpretation interpretation tation I might be giving your dreams Cosmis Chris Chris Wentworth |