| Show To Whom It May Concern Dear Anybody In the beginning I didn't trust you It wasn't your fault I was unable to trust anyone preferring solitude solitude solitude sol sol- and self-abuse self over sharing and caring It was much easier Long days that stretched into longer nights were busily spent ignoring any kind of personal personal personal per per- involvement Johnny Carson and Tom Snyder became my social life The weekends were spent doing laundry smoking cigarettes sometimes sometimes sometimes some some- times fondling the Cutty Sark bottle I thought of you often yet I permitted past scars to control future relationships I tried to rattle your image away from my brain Your shadow stayed in my mind because your face disappeared That's how I knew you were cial With those we dont don't know but are attracted to we lose memory of their appearance minutes after they've gone Drunken stupors failed to bring back your face When we were together Id I'd study you so as not to forget And then Id I'd forget Something happened Maybe it was time spent together that brought us together I began to trust you Not completely for that would take years that nei neither ther of us are willing to sacrifice Yet you recognized recognized recognized me more importantly importantly importantly you accepted me Johnny Carson dropped into second place I went to school wearing unwashed clothes I didn't care Suddenly Suddenly Suddenly Sud Sud- denly I was useful suddenly suddenly suddenly sud sud- denly I was sharing both good and bad moments with another human being Evenings spent with The Cutty Sark bottle bottle bottle bot bot- tle seemed less and less satisfying You were there when no one else was Still StillI I couldn't give of myself entirely for that might mean losing you So I pretended pretended pretended pre pre- tended I didn't care disguising disguising disguising dis dis- guising my feelings to tomake tomake tomake make you you were not the sole figure that dominated my existence God you were different In an overcrowded world where everyone is a twin you stood out as if patented by a test tube Wi With th the soft easy way you have of relating to others while maintaining a firm independency that refused to shatter I found myself imagining you and andI I as a whole two organisms organisms organisms or or- joined because of basic desires Fantasies of ofa ofa ofa a never-ending never association association association tion rules all of my waking moments You were very addicting kind of like coffee coffee coffee cof cof- fee at five in the morning I couldn't handle it Soon I was obsessed with telling you how I felt wanting to share my hidden hidden hidden hid hid- den emotions in hopes for a positive response You became became became be be- came immediately afraid and Ive I've probably lost you Why did I have to tell you Why did I have to complicate complicate complicate cate our friendship I blew it Im I'm sorry My clothes are not dirty anymore The liquor store closes in an hour and Johnny Carson follows shortly It is time to begin again only because of you Im I'm smarter And stronger And much more aware You still smile at me when we meet The sparkle of greeting is gone but I pretend not to notice What did I do that was so wrong I allowed you to view vie unseen territory yet you ran when I unlocked the gates Nothing makes sense anymore You tell of yesterdays that both of us enjoyed but speak of no tomorrows Our plans have faded because of my honesty Ill I'll know better next time |
