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Show PaRe A16 Thursday, Decembe. 1 1, 1986 Park Record ! X by Rick Brough jrW Haai "THE WHOLE KIT AND CABOODLE" Here's a beautifully furnished and decorated 2 bedroom 2 bath condo that is ideal for a second home. All the conveniences you would expect in a higher priced condo for only $64,900. Jacuzzi, underground parking, elevator, location, laundry facilities and bank owned financing. Call Now! Larry Spurgeon 649-3253 r , h" i 4 COMMERCIALLY ZONED LAND Located in Prospector Square, this land represents some of the last commercially zoned vacant land in Park City. Adjacent to public parking lots, utilities near by. Also adjacent to recently completed walking mall. Priced at $128,700. Ready to Go- Call for more information. Kathleen Nolte 649-8895 "BARGAIN SHOPPERS" OWN FOR LESS THAN RENT Can you really afford not to buy this one? $49,000. $39,000. $29,000 for this I bedroom 1 bath. 560 square foot Homestake Condominium. Unit has been rented for $350.00 a month. Shouldn't last long. Call Today!!! Larry Spurgeon 649-3253 .-sir-si M JESS REID J U l. A L F.STAT I 649 3000 Park City, UT 84060 1910 Prospector Avenue or our new office at the Resort Center "DKO iffl7. ' when The Yarrow welcomes in the new year with dinner, dancing and loads of fun! The popular Walter & Hayes Band will set the tempo for the night with their antics and lively dancing music. And, before the fun begins, sit down to a fantastic New Year's Eve dinner featuring a buffet of carved prime rib, chicken pesto with marinara, seafood brorhettes, sauteed shrimp scampi, plus appetizer, salad and dessert! Start the evening with dinner from 8-10:30 p.m., then dance to the great music Aith q hannl $39.95 per person includes dinner, dancing, will I d Udi y taxes gratuities, set-ups and corkage! Reservation and payment required by Dec. 26. ran : Hotel 8 Cat .-hi,. 1800 Park Avcr,; ." Sin puts money into coffers ' Budgets are tight in Utah this year. Our local county commission is watching the dollars and dimes. The state health department abolished one ' entire division to save money. The Salt Lake County Commission has even considered closing down the Capitol Theatre. It's good to know we're saving our money for the important im-portant priorities. Like what? Like spending thousands of dollars to seek legal approval for a cable-decency law. As you may have heard, Utah's Attorney General David Wilkinson is the man escorting the law through the courts. (Wilkinson is better known, to Tom Barberi and fans, as "Crusader Rabbit.") So far, a cable-decency cable-decency law has been vetoed by the governor, has lost in an election and has been rejected at every court level. Why does Crusader Rabbit pursue this? He's doing this, he told KTVX, because one Deseret News poll indicated in-dicated the people want controls on cable TV. Wilkinson must become discouraged. Here he is trying to control sin, and his efforts aren't appreciated by the governor, the courts or even local Utahns. (Most of his fan mail, it seems, comes from out of state. ) ' ' Worst of . all, while his efforts are draining the treasury, other areas are finding that sin puts money into in-to their coffers. Several states are running public lotteries, lot-teries, for instance. The most disheartening example comes from Valley Brook, Okla. The city fathers hastily passed a set of ordinances or-dinances that banned nudity and improper dress. Sounds OK, no? But you see, they quickly called a special meeting to repeal the ban after they realized their mistake. Valley Brook gets most of its revenue from the two local bars that feature nude dancing. According to an article ar-ticle from Associated Press, the bars, called the Valley of the Dolls and the Kozy Kitten Klub, brought in $60,000 of tax revenue. Some of us rely on Geneva Steel, Kennecott or a heavy snowfall for economic growth. These guys rely on naked, writhing women. The following suggests three ideas we could use in Utah: 1) In order to keep the Capitol Theatre open, let's turn it into a large nude dancing club. We could call it the Happy Valley of the Dolls. Or the Kozy Kapitol Kitten Kavern. This would put the Capitol back in business to do worthwhile wor-thwhile projects. All it requires is a regular clean-up to fumigate and disinfect the place. Even David Wilkinson should like the change. If people peo-ple are flocking to see live performances at the Capitol, they won't be staying home to see pornographic cable TV. Sure it's degrading and embarassing. Sure, nude dan-, cing is an insult to our intelligence. Sure, it makes us look silly as a species. " ' But considering the way Utah state government has acted recently, what's to tell the difference? . 2) Instead of a lottery, let's hold a betting pool. Entries would guess how much money Attorney General Wilkinson Wilkin-son spends before the cable law is decided in court. The winning number would be rounded off to the nearest $10,000. Spaces start at $250,000 and could go up to $750,000. One caution: The holder of the winning number has to still be alive when the legal case is settled, settl-ed, v 3) One way to understand cable TV is to compare it to our alcohol situation. For instance, censorship supporters sup-porters say it's not enough for parents to put a lockbox on the cable TV. Kids could learn to break into it. So? A kid could learn to break into the liquor cabinet! That doesn't mean you outlaw booze ! Ah, but in Utah alcohol is controlled and sold through the state 1 Ergo, movies rated R and X will be sold through state smut stores. They can be set up in a separate corner of the Utah liquor stores, with a separate cash register. In order to get a sex cassette, at any store, you will have to be a member, or sponsored by a member. The names of such members will be public information, informa-tion, with their pictures prominently displayed at the local post office. Prostitution services will also be available. But if you wish to avail yourself of such services, you must indicate such to the state government when you renew your driver's license. A large red X will then be placed on your license. Sexual service will not be afforded to customers without the proper license. Those citizens wishing to hold a stag party must obtain a Special Event Permit from the Utah State Smut Control Con-trol Commission. It is expected that after an applicant goes through the lengthy application and hearing process, he or she might not want to have a stag party. He or she might not want to have sex, ever again! RANDOM THOUGHT: If you meet a neo-Nazi from Idaho, is this person properly called a Spud-Nut? by TcrV Gomes. i5. Tis the season to be...kachoo! Tis the season. No, not for the candles, the holly and the trees. Time for kleenex, the throat lozenges and the sneezes. Everywhere you turn somebody is sick. Like many of you, I spent this last week with a rotten cold. I had forgot how completely lousy one can feel from that terrible malady that still denies any cure by modern medical means. I was hot and cold, sometimes both at once. I felt miserable and word has it I acted miserable, too. My daughter also had a cold and so did my son. Sensitive, loving mother that I am I knew my cold was somehow worse than theirs, and I urged them to shake it off. I took to bed. Not during the week mind you. Martyrs never miss work even though their fellow workers often wish they would. No, martyrs moan louder and blow their noses audibly and generally let everyone around them know exactly how awful they feel. I was no exception. There is always one nice side effect that happens to me as a result of a serious cold. It is known as the Lauren BacallBrenda Vaccaro syndrom. I end up with this great husky voice. In fact, at one point in my life I considered con-sidered smoking just so I could have a deep sexy voice like that. But everytime I would inhale I would also be coughing and gasping for air which was decidedly not sexy. I gave it up. ' Probably you would think a good dose of chicken soup would be just what was in order. I think that chicken soup stuff only applies to persons who grew up in households where chicken soup was served to the infirm. But in my house growing up with a working mother, she often brought home take out food when we were ill. No chicken soup mother she, Mom would swing by this little shop downtown called China Chef and she would serve up steaming bowls of barbequed pork noodle soup. I know there is medicinal value in this brew. So, Thursday night when my husband called from work and asked if he could bring home anything for dinner din-ner I told him with great conviction the only thing which possibly make me feel any better was pork noodle soup. Nice guy that he occassional is, he dropped by China Ridge and brought home a huge container of soup. I became vicious when my children eyed it longingly. I steered them toward the pork fried rice and lemon chicken and mumbled something like it would make them feel better. I sat, a pitiful creature huddled in front of the fireplace with a blanket wrapped around me and I slurped my soup. I sent myself to bed shortly thereafter. On Friday I attended a press conference in Salt Lake City and had a few hours to kill. Since rumor has it Christmas is going to arrive whether or not I feel well, I thought maybe I could get a little shopping done in the free time. After about 20 minutes in Crossroads Mall I felt like a top everyone was taking a turn spinning. Everywhere I looked there were colors: red and yellow and blue and green things that were fighting for my unfocused attention. "Buy Me!" they seemed to be screaming. I tried to think about what my daughter needed and then I saw something that would be nice for mother or maybe my husband or my boss. But my nose was running and my ears were pounding and I couldn't begin-to think clearly. I went into a shoe store and sat , down and bought myself a pair of shoes I did not need. I got in my car, drove home for a quick fix of cough drops and Kleenex and then drove to my son's basketball game in Morgan. If you plan to be a marytr you must keep up appearances. I pointed out to my husband my son seemed a bit sluggish. slug-gish. He gently reminded me Randy also had a cold. Everyone knows kids can shake things off easier, I reasoned. Saturday morning I stayed in bed a long time. Long enough for breakfast and dishes to happen without me. I tried a little more shopping Saturday but came home to crumple in a heap that afternoon. I told my husband I could not go to the Christmas party we had been invited to. He and the kids fixed dinner and I grabbed the flannel nightgown and a book and trotted upstairs. By Sunday afternoon I knew we had both gone over the edge. And it struck a vein with me there are just little moments in your life when insanity can become so crystal clear. My husband and I were standing in the family room. He was blowing his nose saying he felt sick. We decided someone needed to go to Alpha Beta. I said I couldn't go because I was sick. He retorted he was bigger than I was and therefore sicker than I was and he wasn't going to the market. That's when we both started to laugh at how silly we sounded. So, I said I'd go first. Then he said no, he'd go and I let him. It's Monday and I'm back at work, Kleenex at my side, and hot tea with lemon and honey in my hand. There are Christmas songs blaring in the lobby, something about 'tis the season. Bah, humbug, kachoo! It takes more than magic to rent your apartment. Try a Classified Ad. "'If ""Iff HPI.A . : ' . . giIF&irlkIRciD: laoum . |