| Show Kathleen Norris Says i iThe The Adopted Daughter Speaks eau Ben Syndicate Features I Lz i L 1 y lit 1 1 I At another time a girl girlfriend friend said of 0 me affectionately to my mother Fan is always always al al- I ways was so gay gay everyone everyone loves her By KATHLEEN NORRIS ANY hundreds of mothers moth moth- M MANY ers in the course of the thelast thelast thelast last twenty years have written me of the problem of the adopted baby Here is a letter letter letter let let- ter giving the opposite angle a aletter aletter aletter letter from a girl now 26 who was adopted when she was a foundling three weeks old Natural parents writes Fr Frances Evans may mayor or may not welcome the baby It may represent an expense responsibility responsibility responsibility and incumbrance from which they would shrink if they could But with adopted parents it itis itis itis is different They go out of their way to find the child of strangers they want it enough to risk all the dangers of its possible parentage and inherited weaknesses they announce announce announce an an- themselves fit and ready for forthe forthe forthe the cares of parenthood Therefore it seems to me they should feel an additional obligation to be wise and good in their parental care There can be great shame bitterness and resentment in the lot lotof lotof lotof of an adopted child there should be bea a corresponding attitude of bracing affectionate sensible understanding on the part of the adopted parents to meet it itIn itIn it In my case there was real suf suf- f fering ring The man and woman I called Daddy and Mother felt that they had done me a great favor in picking picking picking pick pick- ing me up as a desolate and deserted desert desert- ed baby and all their friends praised them continually for it When I was about five they felt it wise to break it to me that I was not actually their own child and I was told that I must always be an especially good little girl to repay them for their extraordinary kindness They said all this in the approved manner manner manner man man- ner of course Mother had good advice on the subject She told me lovingly that other little girls were born of their mothers but that as God wouldn't send her and Daddy a baby they had gone out and found one that they thought the sweetest baby in the world Even at five I was impressed by their goodness and as I grew a sense of obligation grew with me This was fostered by aunts and cousins cousins ins and by my own curiosity Why had my own rm mother wrapped me in ina a blanket and left me in the dress dress- room ing-room of a department store Why hadn't she loved me What was different about me Suspected of Theft Presently getting into the teens I noticed that any mistake of mine any youthful desire or foolishness was quietly attributed by my anxious anxious anxious ious parents to my inheritance from unknown forebears Once when I Iwas Iwas Iwas was thirteen a five dollar bill was missing from mothers mother's purse and I Iwas Iwas Iwas was questioned several times and reminded that possibly a tendency to steal was in my blood We dont don't know dear said mother in dis dis- tress When the five-dollar five bill was found in her evening purse and she remembered hiding it there she playfully spent it on a sweater for forme forme me to make up for suspecting my good truthful Fan But the sweater wasn't warm enough to warm my heart At another time a girl friend said of me affectionately to my mother Fan is always so gay everyone gay everyone loves her Later my mother said seriously I wish Daphne had not used the word gay Im I'm afraid pere per- per e Normal human treatment BE SYMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING Childless couples who adopt babies from an orphanage are considered generous and noble They are it is true truet but they are also seeking someone on whom to lavish their affection and care They Thep are generally richly repaid for all that they give But what of the adopted childs child's reactions In this article a sensitive sensitive sensitive tive girl now married herself and anda a mother o of f two children tells of her own painful early years Her Herf f foster oster parents provided for all her material needs and were kind enough to her but they kept her conscious of her origin She Site was made to feel that she should be grateful for everything that she had received and that she was ivas under obligation to be far more obedient and restrained than other girls o of f her age Little comments not intended to be malicious malicious malicious ma- ma licious rankled in the girls girl's soul Miss lUiss Norris urges foster parents parents parents par par- to be warmly sympathetic and understanding as well as tactful in their relations with their adopted child haps your mother was gay too Fan We Ve have to watch out for that Well perhaps your readers will say that these embarrassments and humiliations are little enough to pay for a good home love care education education education tion and eventually an engagement and marriage carried out with as much beauty and generosity as any real daughters daughter's could have been My Myown Myown Myown own life has already been blessed with two small daughters and a third child is on the way so that there seems no probability of my adopting a child although I would love to some day His background might be quite as good or better than my own but for many reasons some discouraged and overburdened mother moth moth- er might try to find for her child a ahome ahome ahome home of f comfort and security and opportunity rather than subject it to the crowding and penury of own her poor homeI home I think I know enough to handle the whole thing gaily on a basis of you needed someone and I was lucky enough to be that someone I wanted you and waited for you and you were sufficiently precious to your city to have the authorities exact exact exact ex ex- act all sorts of promises from me before they would consider me good goodenough goodenough goodenough enough to have you Youve You've paid your way from the very beginning in joy and delight to me and now it only remains for me to bring you to the years when ou can strike strikeout strikeout strikeout out for yourself with very much the same heritage of good and bad and strong and weak and spiritual and earthly that I myself brought into the world You may think this ungrateful and petty ends this letter letter letter let let- ter but there are many adopted sons and daughters who will agree with me There are indeed Frances and I agree with you too Most adopted sons and daughters have received a little more normal and human and generally intelligent treatment than you did but there are also many others who have suffered from the same pin Mothers and fathers with adopted children please take note |
