Show i z Is M. M Marriage a X h t Success z I i iX X y By RING LARDNER s To the Editor One of the big N N. Y newspapers have been running a n serious of oC artitles articles ar nr I titles latel lately on marriage and whether its Ils a n success or vice versa and everyday every everyday day duy the they been cn printing letters that was sent In to them b by husbands and the case wires sluicing their thell views on and the editors seems to think thc they should he be the people that should ought to know but n ns far Mr as ns I 1 been heen aide able to make out from Crom their letters the game g-ame will go into extra Innings s and they will finely half halt to call It ofTon off ofT on acct of darkness It looks like what the papers calls n a hun hung Jury and It should behe be The he trouble with the discussion and wh why It aint libel to get us nowhere Is on acct o of the big majority of the letters comeing from people that ha has only onh been hn married one time I got efriend a e friend nd of mine that Is now running his bis Oth relay and ought to know what he Is talking tailing about so the other night eIght I asked I him im to give his frank opinion on n the subject thinking my host of renders readers would be he Interested and here bere bereIs Is what be lie had bad to sa say siy in part i Four marriages out of oC he five or In Iii other words SO per cent Is n a howling hotIn success The fhe other 20 O per pcr cent in la n a nf f fiasco usco of the 1st water I am at pre cut ent In the midst of the last nan td but ns as the successes es Is more plena- plena to talk about than the busts busto 0 Q will start In on the former I IThe I The 1st gal I married was as tie t c daughter of a wealthy real estate man named Ella The old man gave n e her a check for for a 8 wedding present and as we was waiting for forthe forthe forthe the train to take us to the Falls FatIs I I got her to endorse the check on the grounds that ma maybe be we would run I short on the trip and half hulf to get et some come i of the porters to cash cosh the check Well we got to the Falls and set there lookIng lookIng lookIng look- look Ing at them for about hr and finely Onely I asked her how she liked It and she said her bier ft hurt her tier In n her going away shoes and besides If they was vas pleasure to be got out of stare- stare ing all nil day at a bunch of running water h wily why not do It In comfort by hy going back to the hotel and go In th the bathroom and nud turn on all nIl the faucets She said salu that t as far as she was con con- Niagara was a cheese So I 1 told her that of course they wasn't wasn no sport In just setting there and an at nt It but the real fun was t trent to rent relit a empty empt bbl and ge get et Inside it and leave the stopper out s so as ns some air could get In and the Falls So she liked the dear Idear nn and we engaged a Q bbl by the hr and come to find out they wasn't room enough In it for the 2 of us ns to rid rIde at nt once so I said we would flip a 8 coin and if it come heads she was t to togo togo go 1st and I flipped a 0 coin and sure ur enough It come heads The liThe nest next gal I married was Ras ns name nam Claire and she didn't have ha no dowry but she carried accident Insurance Insurance ance as she use to travel on the road for n a vacuum cleaner clenner It wasn't only about a wk after the hone honeymoon that she a n cold and It set set- tied lied in a n hollow tooth and for a 8 cou con coupie coupIe pie nights she la bayed and Moaned and finely she said she couldn't stand 1 It no more so I lit up the lights and began showing her some of my curios to take her mind off of the tooth andone and one of them was a double bbl shogun shot sho shotgun shotgun gun and before I could say Jack Robertson both went off or right In her e eye e The coroner raid mid It was a accident No 3 was name Eloise and aDd 1 I hadn't never heard the name before and kept forgetting It and find calling her ElI Ella and Claire both of which had left me a widower and she knew It and didn't like it very well but I couldn't seem to get out of the habit and every cry time I done It she would start n a quarrel and It finely got to be a regular mania with her and she sa says s 's the next time I 1 called caned her out ont of oC her name she would croak herself So 1 I sa says s 's dont don't do that Claire and next thing I knew v she had drank a pt of wood alcohol thinking It waa as carbolic acid and when I tried to get our Dr the line was busy Eloise left me a n chest of silver sliver that her uncle nacle hind had give ghe her who was tas as In the business busIness business bus bus- iness and I sold It for OO I was married to the one onename one onename onename name Kate In August and her father give us a n house and lot She had hay fever and a red nose but I loved her herand herand herand and they wasn't a 8 day past post when I didn't bring her a bouquet of some kind of flowers flowed One day the florist didn't have nothing in stock and aud Iwas J I was kind of 01 scared to go home without with out no bouquet so I stopped by bv the side of the road and picked a nosegay nose nosegay gay of golden rods and und and tossed it in her lap and the explosion her up I lease The rhe said about the present wh why so much the be bette fief Ive I've done O er everything i J could for lit In- but they dont don't nothing satisfy hei het To make male successful a marriage thc theys they's got tot to be a n se sense lse of humor on bot both II f sides fides and In n our case Its all 1 I sided So gyp o all nil In all I claim 4 oJ successes to I 1 and every as soon as ns I can get rid of this one Ill IM marry 4 more and stop on No 0 0 That is what a n bird told me that has had some experience and hi bin hie word ought to carry weight Personally I am tot In n a position to j jak beak ak as my first wife Is la still stick BUck lpg ln It out put on acct of the kiddies kiddIe but j I t J Jf you wn was to rte ask the both seta bothof bothof of us If marriage war wag J a success air r the answer would be a a t tp tte de c CE p 1 by the Bell Bell ja I tl 1 1 L |