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Show AN ARKANSAS ‘XAMINATION. "Cap'n," said a colored man, entering the office of a school examiner whose skin was so black that to see him you would think he had spent his life in boiling crows for dissatisfied politicians. "Cap'n," repeated the visitor, lightly tapping on the door facing. "Wall, sah, what is hit?" "I'se called round ‘ter be ‘zammoned. I'se a ‘fessional school teacher." "Did you know dat hit's a mighty hot cross-fire ter stan' under de range ob de batteries ob my knowledge?" "Yes, Cap'n," said the applicant, "an' bein' proud ob my ‘complishments I hez sought you ‘stead ob goin' ter de onedycated white ‘fessor." "Yer action is dat ob a wise man, an' fur sich wisdom I zibited in de very bud ob de edycation rose. Oh, I'se flow'ry; I'll ‘struct my secretary to mark yer one on de sheep skin stiffkit ov knowledge. Dis am figerative. We'se out ob sheep skins, an' in der place hab substituted ‘coon skins, tanned by a Arkinsaw nigger an' ketched by a justice ob der peace. Do hit strike yer in de stomach ob recognitions?" "Yas, Cap'n." "Wall, now ter de zammination. Secretary, git down dat brass pen wid a dogwood holder an' fetch it heah, fur I, in de cordance wid ‘structions, am gwine ter toat dis man through de new groun' ob knowledge whar de briers am thick, an' whar dar's many a toenail lyin' mung de grubs. Now for de first. Does yer unerstan' gogaly?" "Oh, yassah, dat's my holt." "What does yer know ob grammar? Keep yer mouf open for I'se de eddycational dentist, zamminin' de teeth ob yer larnin." "I eats up grammar like a man han'lin greens." "What about de sciences ob phlebotomy?" "I walks all ober dat science on stilts." "What does yer know ‘bout mataphysics?" "De quilt ob my bed am patched wid hit." "Mister Secretary," said the examiner, turning to that functionary, "gib dis man a double stificate. Recommend him fer de people as de ablest man I hez zamined dis yeah. Dar's yer papers, sah; an' remember dat de cloud ob edycation am a black one. A man dat shows sich a familiarity wid science as you does, is boun' one day ter put his foot on a white man's shoulder, reach up an' take de gown ob superiority from de peg in de wardrobe ob life's [unreadable line] dollars fur de single dorsement, and five (?) dollars an' a half fur de double dorsement. Gimme ten dollars." The money was cheerfully paid, and the man with his blotted coon-skin went out into the world to engage in the tournament of letters. -Little Rock Gazette. |