OCR Text |
Show LEHI FREE PRESS. LEHi. UTAH JUST TOO HATEFUL OFF THE RECORD Scraps OUR COMIC SECTION D "I bave the most patient husband. He never gets mail at anything 1 do or say." "Some men are that mean." Events in the Lives of Little Men JZy -- 5UE VISIT AUNT t ON A ARM WITH A SUMMER ICICLES MHtrft?!;-- y gf rf V A BRAVE MAN "Papa, when you see a cow, ain't you afraid?" "Of course not. Evelyn." "WheD you see a great big worm, ain't you afraid ?" "No, of course not" "When you see a horrid, monstroua bumble bee, ain't you afraid?" "No, certainly not!" "Ain't you afraid when It thunders and lightnings?" "No, no, you silly child." "Gee, Pop, ain't you afraid of nothing In this world 'ceptln' Mamma?" ; She Politeness costs nothing. He That may be one reason why 1 so many people don't care for It WHAT'S THE ANSWER? PLOWED UNDER . Mr. Millionaire I loved you the mo t ment I saw you. Miss Hunter Oh my I I loved jo before I ever saw you. "Tou have my sympathy, poor wanderer. Here Is something for you." "Mum! Your words leave me ter fear that wot appears ter he a heyu-tofsundwlch may prove ter be cold griddle cakes In disguise." FIFTY-FIFT- Y ul "The new stenographer's hair Is a decided blond. Isn't It?" "Yes ; though I noticed a slight Indecision around the roots." JUST TERRIBLE Without Delay The sleight-of-hanperformance waa not going very well "Can any lady or gentleman lend me an egg?" asked the conjurer, coming down to the footlights. "If we'd 'ad one," shouted a man In the audience, "you'd 'ave 'ad It before this." d (Oprrlirtif. W. N. T.) Oforn THE FEATHERHEADS I FELiy WAKE. , W-zo- NUn NtwipMtr P leLLM& Mad Moment Vmh 1 P,D HEAR A Hf t S HnmiD Life "We never call people out to be shot at sunrise as they do In some parts of Europe." "No," said Senator Sorghum. "The worst we do Is to let 'em take their chances at a grade crossing." Washington Star. "My dear, I hope tne government will compel all men to wear low shoes." "I don't see your reason?" "Why, would not that necessarily put a stop to this dreadful bootlegging?" A New Name Now Cassidy My husband i She I was a fool to marry you. He No doubt; but I am not willing to let you bear all the blame, I asked you to. NO BARGAIN Jlp ' M ' calls a Mrs. spade a spade. Mrs. viarner So did mine until he took one and started to spade up the garden and it broke In two. Pathfinder Magazine. STATIC'S ON THE LOW DOWN SPUN PEP LIKE. S "Pf: T TH&V BE'TTeR LEAVE: "Do you think this bat Is too big, Dick?" "Not for the money It cost" ?! SOME HOPE "Daylight saving is rough on bashful young men who go courting." "How so?" "He hasn't the nerve to drop around until it gets dark, and then it's time to go home." Editor I can't use your poem, but you might leave your address. Poet If you don't take the poem I STRIKER OUT! shan't bave any address. More Effective Father Did you tell Cyril I'll cut him out of my will if he married that WMtara Nawtpapcr Unloa - By Ted O'LougMin FINNEY OF THE FORCE an VVifey My dear, are umpires always wrong? Not always. They sometimes give the home team the best of It. Hubby OUR NEW SILVER AK iCoiF. 5iR HELP fna lkn" Vnlu i R lHT-- OFFICER By S WlCTlM A CALL YOU Calling the Roll BUT FIRST LET ME: ATteMTiOKl To THE FACT girl? Wise Mother No; I did better than that I told the girl. Stray Storlea Magazine. A Real Salesman "Are you sure," asked the woman, "that this century plant will bloom In a hundred years?" the "Positive, ma'am," answered florist. "If It doesn't, bring it right back." Why the Kids Laughed Willie not only was chewing gum which was against the rules but he had his feet out In the aisle. "Willie," the teacher thundered, "take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet In." ". . . conic !' " Wordi Failed Her and then he said I was "Had any watermelons out of you? melon patch yet?" "No; bat there have been quite & number of cases of cholera morbni around our neighborhood." FIGURE IT OUT "Ah, your Idioms; I cannot grass them." "What's the trouble, Baron?" "The politician Is happy because he was whitewashed. Yet the baseball pitcher who was whitewashed today, he Is sad." UIMIWIJWJIIll.OMIIIIIUUHMMllI . UOTilllllf 'la- "Laconic! What does that mean?" "I don't know but I slapped his face, Just to be on the safe side!" Pearson's Weekly. She You used to say I was worth my weight In gold. He We were on the old standard then. UNCONSTITUTIONAL Taking No Chance Tommy When will the world come to an end. Ma? Mother Nobody knows. Tommy Well, hadn't I better play safe and finish all this candy now? Literal Obedience Her Father Look here, young man, didn't 1 tell you never to enter my gate again? Her Boy Friend Yes, sir. I didn't come through the gate. I Jumped ever the fence. Long Walk "Yes, he's a year old now, and he's been walking since he was eight "What was the fight uboutr "I believe the umpire tried to (us tala a demurrer." months." Bachelor Friend Really? Ue must be awfully tired. Answers Magazine. p'AFTERV EVERY) Vmeal T i |