Show THE 62 K E E-- P ArP'I T G II ININ f - ¥ PAPER A Devoted to Cents Scents Sense and Nonsense Principal Editor Deputy Asst Editor Dep’y Asst’s Clerk UNO HOO UBET URLIFE B I Z Ness TERMS: - Per Annum in Advance Six Months Single Copies - $1 50 1 00 10 CLUB RATES: 8 500 Five Copies to one address Ten Copies to One Address and one to the clubber 1000 J&J For sale by all respectable Newsdealer everywhere ADVERTISEMENTS Owing to the limited space devoted 'to Advertising we shall be under the necessity of restrict ing Advertisements to T E N lines or less Terms each insertion fifty cents a line J&S All Communications on Uusincss in order to receive attention must be addressed— Uno Hoo ft Co Box D Salt Lake City SATURDAY - - - - OCT 15 1870 sbXTORZilZi SCHOOL REMINISCENCES “ Old were you ne'er a school boy" — Pio Nono We might declare that our entire career at school was one of unalloyed happiness— but we could not do it conOur teacher was a very scientiously kind man lie used to take a great deal of notice of us We can’t say that we ever exactly sat on his knee but we have freHe sort of quently been laid across it took to us— that is he took a birch rod to us It is said “just as the twig is bent the tree’s inclined” From the frequency of this bending of twigs in our case we infered that the whole tree was inclined for us We were put through all The the lou& branches the 1st quarter “Mary that had a little Lamb" didn’t There was nothing attend our school little about the lams in our “cemetary” of Everything was on a grand learning to master designed Our scale bring the boys along as rapidly as possible sometimes when ono was rather dilatory ho would bring him along by the hair of the head He made it a point to always have a good heavy rule and follow it upr Once when our teacher informed us ho was going on a whaling expedition there was quite a sensation in the school room He told us we need not be alarmed as he He was not going out of the room always secured a good!deal of blubber at Sometimes when the class such times in orthography was reciting1 we would have very bad spells but the “master always succeeded in restoring animation He was a man of fine feelings and very sensitive If one of the boys placed a crooked pin on his chair his features immediately on sitting down "would assume a very stern expression Or if one of us succeeded in hitting him on the nose with a spit ball His feelingsi would seem to By way of carry him away as it were variation we sometimes attached a slender cord to the bottom of the masters chair and just as ho was upon the point or sitting down tb&ehair was drawn gently out he sometimes sat of his reachj-whedown more than he intended We always observed that he immediately got up on these occasions— he had considerable get The children enjoyed this up to him last pleasantry exceedingly and invariably laughed prodigiously and uproariously from the time he sat down until he got upon his feet again — but never longer In the winter season when the boys were snowballing ve observed' that the master never came out to ring the bell — he always put his hand through the window for this purpose we don’t state why this was—we simply record the fact He never seemed to make any allowance whatever for an innocent flow of animal spirits on the part of the pupils Hitherto wc have alluded to boys only but we mean to embrace the girls as well — that is metaphorically speaking in a future article Speaking of girls reminds us of that beautiful stanza wc composed about this time— “ Don't you remember Bolt sweet Alice Ben Sweet Alice ' icith the hair so brown" OUR PROGRESS We soon learned how many inches there were in a rod and how many rods made an aeher also what it took to constitute a foot We made great proficiency in learning especially in mental arithmetic and For instance wc abstract philosophy liow many could toll almost apples a boy retained if he had two gave us ono and wo abstracted the other Our We moral education was not neglected soon learned the difference between good and bad boys— the bad boys always got We noticed tho early inclinawhipped tion of the boys for democratic equality If any boy — good bad or indifferent — missed a whipping inside it was invariably administered with unfaltering impartiality We and undiminished severity outside into-itivcl- y were subsequently polished off in the old “high school” or the ‘‘high old school” where the upper ten received as it were their finishing touches Alas those happy days are over Wc shall never more be " placed between two bewitching young damsels for punishment or sit on the high old stool with a pointed cap on the observed of all observers as Whatshisname says in his rawn never- morel ! Fve wandered by the “High Old” School I’ve sat beneath the tree Whose tough elastic branches were Cut for you and me Bat none were there to beat me Tom And few can ever know What tricks we played our pedagogues Just twenty years ago The old Dunce Cap is ruined now The switches are replaced By new ones very like the ones Of which wo had a taste The boys there play at mumble-pe- g Pursue the same old track With energy as great as ours And faces just as black The master’s rule is just the same As broad and stiff and square As that which hurled at our young heads Went whistling through the air Down by the pump at eventide You know I cut your nose Which caused a serious tumult there In which we came to blows The heartless master peeled us then And caused our tears to flow By welting us with his new rule Just twenty years ago The force of education has A meaning in our mind We think of climbing science hill With switches close behind My lids have long been dry dear Tom But tears came in my eyes When thoughts of curly Moses came And other bully boys ' To think that all our sport is done Our master fled the spot And all our toys— departed joys— Forever gone to pot The foregoing was written for the Jubilant Constructor but was crowded' out by a cut of a woodpecker SAXEY This young gentleman promised faithfully to write to us but he has not done so We attribute it to the “love of the world and the deceitfulness of Riches |