Show A Paper Devoted to Cents Scents Sense and Semi-ftlonth- ly SALT LAKE CITY JANUARY VOL 2 CUIXOM’S 15 1871 jKTonscnse 22 NO REWARD U S — “I grant give and bequeath to you your heirs and assign forever the position of Governor of Utah” Cullem — “Ach! You almost took my breath away You— you see it’s so sudden ! I—of course Pm delighted and — and all that sort of thing but— you must see that it's — that is to say— certainly Nothing would: afford me greater pleasure but— I’m feeble and the gusts of popular indignation would chill me through and— in fact my family is in such a condition that I couldn't well leave them I— that is — I know my wife wouldn’t approve of it' -- and in fact I— Ah! — ah! — I hope you catch my idea! ” U S— “Why what does all this mean ? I thought you really took an interest in these people and wanted to elevate them in the scale of moral and intellectual existence and when the opportunity offers you hum and haw about it in this style I suppose Cragin and Newman would do the same You’ve all rowed in the same boat I shall have to look around for a more honest man” ! tom-fooler- y ! TWO MICE A couple of the brethren traveling in the southern part of the Territory put up at a hotel in that part of the vineyard The hostess placed before them a cold collation to quiet the clamor of the inner man Among other good things was jar of pickled artichokes 0' The a elder of into the the two brothers pitched artichokes extensively but the younger II having seen a mouse lying in" such position as to be invisible to his brother but failed to take hold as the lady of the house was present felt some delicacy about mentioning it to his brother H however nudged him and tried to draw bis attention in various ways without speaking but G finally waxed wroth and told II if he stepped on his toes any more he should take the liberty H then of putting a head on him allowed him to cat what pickles he wanted without further molestation although he could scarcely keep his face straight when he would see his brother run his fork against the mouseand turn it over in pursuit of the “pickles” Some people are “afraid of a mouse” and after eating the larger portion of a big plate of soup quietly pulled a dead mouse from his pocket and dropp ed it into the soup plate calling the landlord's attention to it and asking him in an injured tone if that was the sort of soup with which he regaled his guests Of course such a thing “had never happened before He was very sorry and shocked to think such a thing should have occured in his house he trusted Pat would not mention it and he was at liberty to order anything the house contained and it it seems The above story reminds us of the should not cost him a cent — which he imIrishman’s dinner: Tie had no money and mediately did was somewhat hungry (People sometimes do get hungry when they have no “Pompey” said a gentleman to his money ) Seeing a tavern close by Patrick servant “I did not know until that determined to supply the void as “nature you were whipped last week” abhors a vacuum” So he ordered din“Didn’t you massa?” replied Pompey ner with all the nonchalance in the world “I— I know’ d it jist de time it occurred” ’ ’ y |