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Show The Lucky Number HIS PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE. NOT TO BE RELIED UPON. Spudlong," began the youth hanging his hai on tho back of the chair, 1 will occupy only a few mo menu of jour time. I have come to ask you for jour daughter. 1 Young man," said the elderly bank cr, do you" "Yes, sir: I fully realize that she has been tenderly nurtured and that she is very dear to you; also, that her home Is one In which she has been surrounded by every luxury, but she is willing to leave It." Can you" Why is an automobile like a worn an?" asked the comedian boarder as he peppered a hard boiled egg. The cynical bachelor was thought- .Mr. ful. Because It Is so expensive." Good; but not the right answer." "Ah, now I have it. Because It has wheels." Incomplimentary, but not correct." Because It is always running people down." "Unkind, but away off." Well, I give It up? Why lsan auNo, sir; 1 cant quite maintain her tomobile like a worttan?" in the style to which she has been ac Because It needs every attention, customed, but I have a good salary, and after you give it every attention and I am ready to chance it. So is it Is liable to blow you up without a she." minutes notice." Chicago Dally News "Will you" MORAL SUASION. Yes. sir; I will keep my life in sured for a sum sufficient to provide for her If I should be taken away." Would you" No, sir; I would not expect to live with the familj. I am able to buy and furnish a modest home for her." Young man." said Mr. Spudlong, looking at his watch, "I rather like your style. You can have her. Good" Morning, sir." Exchange. Honesty and Matrimony. I was astonished to observe that Diogenes passed by all the married men without subjecting them to any scrutiny whatever, and my perplexity must have appeared in my face, for it 'was not long until the famous philosopher was pleased to remark; Of course, theres no possibility of him whom I seek being married. He would make a woman mad tho very Docs your husband want a job, Mrs first time he went to see her. Life. Brown?" No; but if you've got one for him, MAKING IT ALL RIGHT. ll make him take it. A Professional Tribute. Caesar was a voluminous writer as well as a warrior and statesman, remarked the student. Yes," answered Mr. Stormington I have always admired Barnes; Caesar. Going on the principle that all the worlds a stage, he decided to be the whole show, including the press agent." Washington Star. Welcome Relief. Well, Im glad Georgia and Alabama and the rest of those southern states have gone dry. Why? Are you an advocate of temA perance? Not exactly, but after this there will be no reason to mix Maine up with all the prohibition Record-Herald- Innkeeper (to cook) Zenzi, cut the meat thinner. The customers are that the meat is tough. Blaetter. com-plainin- g Meg-gendorf- er Something to Boast About. I come of an old theatrical famboasted the tragedian. My ily, father played Hamlet for 30 years. Thats nothing, replied the comedian, my grandmother played Little Eva in Uncle Toms Cabin for more Chicathan 40 consecutive seasons. go Record-Herald. Degrees of Importance. A womans postscript is usually the most important part of her letter, said the man who thinks he knows human nature. Yes, answered Miss Cayenne, and what she thought and didnt write is usually even more important than the postscript. Washington Star. Bacon Chesty. What makes him so chesty? Egbert Why, when he goes away he takes 14 trunks with him! Yonkers Statesman. . jokes. PRETTY OBVIOUS. Chicago tho THE REMARKABLE ROMANCE OF and the most cxpemle seals at realtheater, the joung man began to A LOTTERY TICKET. ize that he mut very shortly draw upon his newly acquired fortune. This part of the business he asked bis filend, who Poor French Peasant's D?y of was natuially well acquainted In mat-tor- s Celebration Are Fob of banking, to transact. Still a lowed by a Very Sad couple of days passed, and no cheque was forthcoming to enable him to obAwakening. tain the first benefit of his good forTho beginning of all that Is to fo! tune. When he broached tho subject low happened on tho day that the re to bis friend, the bank clerk demurred suit of one of the great state lotteries and murmured something about delaj', or changed the subject. of France was announced. Through-At last a day came when it was Imout the whole country hope lingered In many a heart. Even the poor peas possible for the young man to wait ant guiding the plow In the field, or feeding cattle In the farmyard, thought of his solitary ticket In the state lottery, and fondly pictured his number the winner of 50,000 francs. Such Is chance. Even this was not Impossible. And the little seamstress, with eyes aching from arduous plying of the needle, wondered whether the evening paper would transform her Into an heiress. All alike, rich or poor, were at this time full of expcc tatlons, but more particularly was a certain young man, who had arranged that a friend should send him a telegram should any of his numbers In the lottery prove successful. At noon on the eventful day a telegram arrived at the house of this You have won a prize young man. of 400,000 francs, he read breathlessly. Right and left through Ills native town the news spread, and the young man received Innumerable epngratula-tlon- s of his good fortune. The sudden acquisition of riches he found carried with it many surprises. Men whom ho scarcely knew now treated him as an old friend and Invited film to call. Still the prospect of the 400,000 francs was such that he felt that he could afford to Increase his circle of acquaintances. So the young millionaire betook himself to the bank and withdrew his savings of several years. A beggarly sum it now seemed In Men Whom He Scarcely Knew Now comparison with the wealth that was Treated Him as an Old Friend and Inhis in Paris, and thither he determined vited Him to Call. to repair. Arrived some hours later at the French capital, he was met by any longer for his prize. lie had the friend who informed him of his scarcely ten francs left of all that he good fortune. A sumptuous dinner at one had brought with him from his native of the best restaurants, followed by town. Then came the disconcerting a box at the theater, passed the first revelation. You have not won the prize," his day pleasantly enough; the next the lucky young winner of the lottery prize friend told him, with regret. When decided he and his friend, a bank clerk. I sent you the telegram I honestly should spend, as soon as the latter was thought you had, and when three days free, in motoring. ago I discovered that I had made a Thus several days passed, and. what mistake, I had not the courage to with dinners at the best restaurants, tell you. 1 1 d I HE UNDERSTOOD HER. They were alone in the conservatory. He turned to her. His voice was low, but passionate. You know, he said, why I have asked you to come here. Will you be iny wife? She looked at him intently. No, she answered, and she uttered the monosyllable as if she loved it. No doubt she expected him to reel and clutch at something, but he did nothing of the sort. Very well, he briskly said, thats all I want to know. Shall we go in and finish our dance? She stared at him in wonder. Are-areyou hurt by my refusal? to do something desintend Dont you and the throe yellow palms quivered with suppressed laughter. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Impossible Boy. Small Boy I say, mister, theres a sign in yore winder readin Boy Wanted. What kind uv a boy does yer want? Merchant A nice quiet boy that doesnt use naughty words, smoke cigarettes, whistle around the office, play tricks, or get into mischief Small Boy Gwan! Yer dont want no boy; yer wants a girl. See? Deserved the Name. What do you call your new racing automobile? asked the inquisitive friend. The Muck Raker, responded the man in goggles. perate? Desperate? Certainly not. Unless Queer name. Are you interested In you call tackling the lobster salad des- magazine crusades? perate. Oh, no. I call it the Muck Raker Her pride was sorely wounded. She because it is such a good mud slinger. Hullo, Attwood, another grave, eh? had meant to hurt him. It would have Chicago Daily News. been a proof of her power. Now she Whos that for? Undoubtedly. Dunno, sir. Its for somebody who hungered for revenge. There was only There is one thing which changes one way to get even with him. dont live in this parish. George, she said, I have reconsid- the color of yellow journalism. What is that? Coal Lands. ered my decision. I will be your Englands It gets read." Baltimore has about wife. 13,000 square England two miles of coal fields. And the scrawny rubber plants nt |