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Show Gin of win or Silflf MOST TO CURE A COUCH Or Break a Cold in 24 Hours Mix two ounces of Glycerine and a Oil of Pine com half ounce of Virgin pound pure with a half pint of Straight Whisky. Shake well and take a tea spoonful every four hours. The genuine Virgin Oil of Pine compound pure is prepared only by The Leach Chemical Co., Cincinnati, Ohio, and Is put up only In vials, each vial securely sealed in a round wooden case to Insure its freshness half-ounc- e and purity. WHAT WOULD HE HAVE SAID? THE PANIC IN AFRICA. A a deep where the creep. And the pterodactyl net. Where Is built the lair of the untamed bear. There a sort of viurue unrest; lor the news hu blown from the lion In the jungle dead-gam- And. o may a well admit. So docs Humor. Fuck. A BLASTED CAREER. e In the humhte cot of the hippo pot- Atmi there Is deepest gloom; And the better half of the tall giraffe Walls loud at the signs of doom; In the noisome brake the constrictor snake No longer Is fierce anil hold. For the tidings dread of the ruthless Ted Are making Its blood run cold. Get up, Jack. You mustn't cry like a baby! Youre quite a man now. You know If I fell down I shouldnt cry, I should merely say Yes, I know, pa; but then I go to Sunday school and you dont." Sniffles and Nerves. to yourself during warm, weather. It Is related that an Atchison man and wife dearly love each other. She Is a perfect lady, and apologizes when she says shucks." But one night, when they were sitting on the porch, presumably enjoying the tender twilight, she suddenly picked up a stool and threw It at his head. "I am not insane, she said, calmly, when he turned a frightened gaze on her; I am simply worn out by the manner in which you sniffle Atat the end of every sentence! Keep Alas for the ant and the elephant. The gnu and the humble And alas for the stoat and bewhlskored goat. And the gnat and the chimpanzee! For a deadlier death than their native ls-e- ! heath Will take each beast and bird! And their iljlng yawp will but swell the crop Of yarns at a dollar a word! Walt Mason, in Fuck. nerve-irritatin- g A FAIR Mrs. De Quiz Is your son doing well in college? Mrs. De Whiz No; he got a GUESS. sprained ankle at football and has to study. Her Ability. Do you think a woman can help to engineer a universal suffrage movement and have time to attend to her duties as a wife and mother? "Yes. My wife has been helping along a universal suffrage movement for the past six weeks, looking after her sick brother, doing the housework because it happens that we are unable to get a maid, caring for the children and and chison Globe. Kicks. Harry Payne Whitney the day his own and other noted horsemens racers wrere shipped from London on the flinnehaha, said of the death of racing in New York: A good many jockeys have been hard hit. A jockey told me last week a very sad tale of misfortune. I listened sympathetically. Ah, Joe, said I, when a man is down, few hands are extended to him. The jockey as he chewed a straw, smiled bitterly. Few hands yes thats right, he said, but think of the feet.' - Good CAUSE AND EFFECT Digestion Follows Right Food. Indigestion and the attendant discomforts of mind and body are certain to follow continued use of improp- er food. And what? Keeping watch of me so strictly that shed know it immediately if 1 even politely picked up a bundle in the street for another woman. Chicago Record-Herald. cant make out what is the matter with me, doctor. I cant sleep, have no appetite, and Doctor Why dont you propose to I Algy the girl? Brief, but Expressive. School Teacher Johnny, I hear that you have two little twin sisters at your house this morning. Johnny Yes, maam; and weve got names for em, too. School teacher Why, how nice! I Those who are still young and suppose one of them is to be named robust are likely to overlook the fact after your mamma; but what is she that, as dropping water will wear a going to call the other? stone away at last, so will the use of Johnny No; they aint got girl cause names. rich food, Pa called them Thunder and finally heavy, greasy, and of loss indigestion. Lightning as soon as he heard about appetite are thoughtful them. Judge. Fortunately many enough to study themselves and note the principle of Cause and Effect in Privileged Characters. their daily food. A N. Y. young womNell Aunty took me to the Little an writes her experience thus: matinee and all the idiot asySometime ago I had a lot of trouble were lum there. The manager inmates from indigestion, caused by too rich sent them free tickets, and put them food. I got so I was unable to dione all in part of the theater, in a gest scarcely anything, and medicines whole lot of seats by themselves. seemed useless. Mamma Indeed? And how did they A friend advised me to try Grape-Nut- s act? food, praising it highly, and as Little Nell Oh, just as if they had a last resort I tried it. I am thankful a box. N. Y. Weekly. not only reto say that Grape-Nut- s lieved me of my trouble, but built me orHer Impromptu Conundrum. up and strengthened my digestive I eat now called on Miss Tartum and she can You I anything so that gans Grape-Nutto stick I desire. But greeted you with: Why, Mr. Sorrel-top- ! Well, what was there in that tieres a Reason. Battle Postum Co., harmless exclamation to offend you, me given by toWellRoad The c, Mich. Read ercy? Yes, but she er didnt punctuate in pkgs. new A letter? t that above way. She said: Why Mr. r read the to time. They Tribune. tppeara from time Chicago genuine, true, and full of human STILL PEERLESS. Twi Of- Courts. History repeal a bit, ljy the rumor. were-wolve- throne To the haunt of the crocodile. That sport Theodore for short Will arrive In a little while. Repeater. Union Pacific Coal Company, Railroads and Two Former ficials Convicted In Utah Salt Lake City. In the federal court here the Union Pacific Railroad company, the Oregon Short Line Rail load company, the Union Pacific Coal company, E. Buckingham, formerly general superintendent of the Oregon Short Line, and J. M. Moore, formerly western sales agent for the Union Pacific Coal company, were on Thursof the day convicted of violation Shornran antitrust law. The maximum penalty in each case Is a fine of $5.0oo and one year in tlwi county Jail, with the exception of the corporations, which are liable only to u fine. A recommendation for mercy was made In the case of E. Buckingham. The specific charge Is that a combination Was entered Into between tho Union Pacific Coal company, tho Union Pacific Railroad company, tbo Oregon Short Line Railroad company, INcrett Buckingham, general superintendent of the Short Line, and J. M. Mooro. general sales agent for tho toal company, to deprive I). J. Sharp of a supply of coal because he the price at which he sold coal In Salt Lake. The verdict of the Jury was that each of the corporations and individuals charged In the government indictment is guilty of violating the Sherman antitrust law. The case will undoubtedly be taken to the United States circuit court of appeals and perhaps from there to the United States supreme court tire final verdict in the case is given. Parley L. Williams, general counsel for the Oregon Short Line Railroad company, is quoted as saying that the verdict was only the beginning of the case, and that an appeal would be taken immediately. re-duee- d bo-fo- TO PROTECT Dedication of THE MINERS. Government Testing Station at Pittsburg. Pa, Coal operators, Pittsburg, mine owners, engineers, practical miners, scientists, and national and state officials, all here for the meeting of the American Mining congress, Thursday afternoon participated in the formal dedication of the federal governments laboratory and testing stations recently established in this city. A series of tests in an artificial mine, in which conditions of real mines are reproduced so far as possible, showing the results from various exsafety plosions and from agencies, was the most interesting feature of the ceremony. Secretary of the Interior James R. Garfield officiated, and there were addresses by John Mitchell, former head of the miners organization, and by operators and others. so-calle- BURTON d WANTS TOGA. Ohioan May be Satisfied With Place in Taft's Cabinet. to-da- y, s. Sor-reltoD- ?' re Washington. That Representative Theodore E. Burton of Ohio has been offered the portfolio of secretary of Sir Peter What a peerless beauty the treasury is generally believed in your daughter is, Mrs. Bullion. Washington. For years the Cleveland Mrs. Bullion (from Chicago) Yes, representative has made a study of poor child. Still peerless, and this is questions of finance, and the addition the third season weve brought her of another member of the house comover, to6! mittee on banking and currency last winter by Speaker Cannon, in order Scored on Him. to appoint Mr. Burton to that comMr. Tyte-Phis- t Talk about women mittee when currency reform was to having any capacity for dealing with be enacted into law, was considered financial questions! Have you any a fitting compliment to the Ohio idea, for instance, how much money mans ability. It is known that Mr. Burton would rather have the posiis in circulation in this country? Mrs. Tyte-Phis- t I presume its all tion of secretary of the treasury than in circulation except what you hap- any other portfolio, but is inclined to pen to get hold of. Chicago Tribune. prefer a seat in the senate to a place In the cabinet. |