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Show l i SmoKerFrotn the WeeRlvr lH A MAMMOTH FOSSIL. 1 1 Mrlf J. Burke while digging with an adze near f j the Biirke ranch, which Is In close proximity to ij II I American Falls, In the state of Idaho, in the hope ij II of finding some water lost eighty years -ago, sup- ?M posedly through seepage, smote an ossified relic ill full upon the brow, breaking the adze. la I A posse was immediately organized and a I f 1 1 1 strenuous search revealed the astounding fact lljf . that John with his miniature hatchet had dis- j 1 covered the greatest fossil collosus that ever h (,;i greeted the enraptured vision of a purblind arch- H 1 aeologlst. Upon cross-cutting the mountain H i i , j J where the blow was struck, at a depth of two H i 1 : 1 1 i hundred feet, the lower part of the giant anl- H I J I mal's face was revealed. With a derrick which H ': jf j had formerly been used for lifting victims of the B I I Falls, a topth was extracted from the face of the H j' i ' animal. It weighed eighty pounds. Th'is is now H 'It 1 1 j used for breaking rock In one of the largest quar- M 'III I ries In Idaho. H frfi ' li - "When the immense prodigy was laid bare, it H f Jn ; was found to be large enough to bespan the !' S I Snake river and make a return trip without show- i ' ing fatigue; in fact, when stretcned out, the ser- I pontine frame of the long demised animal r , i strotched through seven ranches and the tall re- I ' ' 1 posed in an adjoining county. 1 1 I 'i Prof. Killltquick, the renowned archaeologist, ill was sent for, and after a thorough diagnosis, pro- II I ( nounced the animal a member of the species Flsh- uM erharricus of the Family of Verginius Bmigran- ' ' r I tos. Alex Tarbet, who was present at this thril- j ' ling moment, immediately offered ten shares of I I the Accelerated Tarbeticus Pipe Line stock for a : Ij 1 1 loose fragment of vertebra, to be used as a head- ; 1 gate in the waterworks system. The offer was 1 "" i passed by unheeded. A remarkable feature of the fossil is that the vertlbrae of the animal are possessed of wonderful wonder-ful acoustic and oratorical powers. This is said 'to be an unmistakable quality In all the Flsh-erharrlcus Flsh-erharrlcus species. In a heavy wind from North Oneida, the harmony of the contact is like the Helles-distilled cadence of a million lutes and at such times the thunder of the falls Is like the expiring voice of a zephyr straying through the foliage of Arcadia. The clavicle bone of the collosus was purchased pur-chased at an almost fabulous price by Mr. Ireland, Ire-land, a capitalist of Malad, and is now in requisition requisi-tion as a triumphal arch in that most beautiful of cities. One of the fins has been placed in position po-sition beyond the rails of the Burkelill Limited, and has proved of inestimable value as a protection protec-tion against snow slides. The statement that the wishbone of the animal was to be used as a tight rope between the Burke ranch and Oliver's saloon sa-loon has been indignantly denied by the original discoverer. The statement that the singing vertebrae of the Flsherharricus were to be taken out as an effigy of the dead Democracy during the next campaign, as a proof of the theory that being dead it yet speaketh, is not credited at American Falls. A further diagnosis of the animal by Prof. Killltquick revealed large quantities of free gold in the animal. The theory of the professor, whose record for keen Insight and veracity is unquestioned, un-questioned, is that the last banquet of the defunct de-funct fossil was upon gold fish, which have since ossified. P. S. Specimens of the monster are on exhibition ex-hibition -in Oneida, Cassia and eight other counties. coun-ties. "The gold exhibit has mysteriously disappeared. disap-peared. & ,38 & A San Francisco paper exploits In a recent is- ( sue a dispatch in which it is announced that Perry S. Heath, formerly assistant postmaster 1 general, by virtue of a free land entry on govern- 1 ment land, has acquired a tract of coal land, pre- 1 empted under the federal laws, which would net 1 the great editor about $500,000. The general im- I pression prevailed that Perry had secured enough out of the government already, while he was a trusted and untrustworthy servant, but appar- m ently there is no limit to the audacity and the grafting propensities of the spotless local editor. If by some devious magic the sable spots on a reputation could be converted into ducats, Mr. Heath, with his more recent alleged financial accumulation, should shortly become a multimillionaire multi-millionaire of wide renown. A. K. N. |