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Show B2 The Emery County Review, Tuesday, November 4, 2008 The FAMILY PAGE Horoscope Focus On The Family Crossword Figuratively Speaking Focus on the Family Be Delicate when Telling Adopted Child about Birth Parents Dr. James Dobson Q What should you tell an adopted child about his or her biological parents in “closed” adoption situations? How do you answer his tough questions about why he wasn’t wanted, etc? I’ll give you an answer written by a Dr. Milton Levine in a vintage parenting book titled “Your Child from 2 to 5,” and then I’ll comment on his recommendation. Dr. Levine was associate professor of pediatrics, New York Hospital, at the time. He listed three possible ways to tell an adopted child about his origin, as follows: 1. Tell the child his biological parents are dead. 2. State plainly that the biological parents were unable to care for their baby themselves. 3. Tell the child nothing is known about the biological parents, but that he was secured from an agency dedicated to finding good homes for babies. Dr. Levine preferred the first approach because “the child who is told that his biological parents are dead is free to love the A mother and father he lives with. He won’t be tormented by a haunting obligation to search for his biological parents when he’s grown.” He continued, “Since the possibility of losing one’s parents is one of childhood’s greatest fears, it is true that the youngster who is told that his biological parents are dead may feel that all parents, including his second set, are pretty impermanent. Nevertheless, I feel that in the long run the child will find it easier to adjust to death than to abandonment. To tell a youngster that his parents gave him up because they were unable to take care of him is to present him with a complete rejection. He cannot comprehend the circumstances, which might lead to such an act. But an unwholesome view of himself as an unwanted object, not worth fighting to Horoscopes by Holiday The sun and Mars are already having a truth-telling session in Scorpio, so we’re feeling pretty clear about our passions. However, some of those passions have remained unexpressed. This week, Mercury leaves Libra, the sign of compromise and diplomacy, to join the others in intensely honest Scorpio. While it may be cleansing to speak your strong feelings, if your desire is to keep them secret, Scorpio energy will help. ARIES (March 21-April 19). You’re through believing that you are an island or that anyone else should be. We are an interdependent species. Humans cannot exist without mutual help, and you’re driven to be generous. However, what is asked of you might not be the thing you can give. Find the kind of help you can give, and then give it all. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). The youto-you competition is definitely on. While your quest to better your best frequently results in quality work, impressive accomplishments and praise from those around you, it can be downright exhausting. You don’t have to outdo yourself every day. Some days you can just be good and that’s enough. GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’ve made a lot of solid life choices in the past on Q authority of his or her parents but doesn’t that coin have two sides? Don’t parents have an equal responsibility to show respect for their children? They certainly do! The self-concept of a child is extremely fragile and it must be handled with great care. A youngster should live in complete safety at home, never being belittled or embarrassed deliberately, never punished in front of friends, never ridiculed in a way that is hurtful. His strong feelings and requests, even if foolish, should be considered and responded to politely. He should feel that his parents “really do care about me.” My point is that respect is the critical ingredient in all human relationships, and just as parents should insist on receiving it from their children, they are obligated to model it in return. (Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995(www.family. org). Questions and answers are excerpted from “Solid Answers” and “Bringing Up Boys,” both published by Tyndale House. Copyright 2008 James Dobson Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.) A Figuratively Speaking Week of November 2 Holiday Mathis keep, might be established.” I disagree with Dr. Levine at this point. I am unwilling to lie to my child about anything. I would not tell him that his natural parents were dead if that were not true. Sooner or later, he will learn that he has been misled, which could undermine our relationship and bring the entire adoption story under suspicion. Instead, I would be inclined to tell the child that very little is known about his biological parents. Several inoffensive and vague possibilities could be offered to him, such as, “We can only guess at the reasons the man and woman could not raise you. They may have been extremely poor and were unable to give you the care you needed; or maybe the woman was sick; or she may not have had a home. We just don’t know. But there is one thing we do know. She must have loved you very, very much -- enough to give you life and to make sure you were raised in a loving home where you would be taken care of. We’re so thankful that the Lord led her to let us raise you.” I understand your emphasis on a child being taught to respect the John MacIntyre the advice of a friend. There are also a few instances where you really wish you hadn’t followed advice. Wednesday and Thursday are particularly good times to shun most of what you hear -- then amp up your trust in yourself by at least 20 percent. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Early in the week you may have a fondness for an old familiar life you once loved -- one that involved not quite so many bills and perhaps someone to prepare your meals for you. Alas, there was a reason you left the nest, and ultimately it was a good one. Friday shows you the plus side to being a grownup. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Maybe it’s a vacation overseas or a car you always wanted to own. Or perhaps it’s cooking classes or taekwondo. Whatever it is, the moment is upon you. You stop waiting for the day when you have more money or more time and just jump in and make it happen. Tuesday and Wednesday are lucky days to commit. THIS WEEK’S BIRTHDAYS: It’s a year of unlikely choices you never imagined yourself making, and yet you do so with great elan. The next three weeks help you notice that your talent is bigger than you thought, and upon the realization, your soul Continued on Page B6. $350 billion: Estimated value of packaged goods coupons offered annually, according to research from the Promotion Marketing Association’s Coupon Council. ing for meals has decreased in the past year. Source: Orbitz. 65: Percentage of gays and ers who admit to reacting to bad driving by honking their horn at the offending driver. 36: Percentage who curse at coupon. lesbians who say they have faced some sort of discrimination in the workplace, according to a study by Out and Equal Workplace Advocates and Witeck-Combs Communications. 90: Percentage of all cou- 47: Percentage who have Americans (18 to 34 years old) who are carrying medical debt, according to research conducted by Greenberg Quinlan Rosner for Qvisory 2008 Greenberg survey. $1.25: Average value per pons issued that appear in the Sunday newspaper freestanding inserts (FSI). Source: Promotion Marketing Association. 67: Percentage of business travelers who are more apt to stay at a less-expensive hotel if it offers amenities like free wi-fi and/or continental breakfast, instead of a more luxurious hotel that does not offer these perks, according to a survey by Orbitz for Business and Business Traveler Magazine. 17: Percentage of those surveyed who say their company’s per diem spend- heard anti-gay comments on the job. 36: Percentage who say they remain closeted at work. Source: Out and Equal Workplace Advocates. 1, 2, 3, 4: Ranks of talk- ing on their cell phones, driving too fast, tailgating, and eating or drinking while driving as the behaviors by other drivers that cause stress for commuters and can lead to road rage, according to a survey by AutoVantage. 43: Percentage of commut- the other driver. 9: Percentage who make an obscene gesture. Source: AutoVantage. 28: Percentage of all young 50-plus: Percentage of all young people who have gone without health insurance at some point in the past five years, including 75 percent of those who are now carrying medical debt. Source: Qvisory. 81.3: Percentage of physi- cians who have formed party and/or candidate preferences based upon the candidate’s stand regarding key issues, according to a study from DoctorDirectory. com. 10: When asked how a universal health care system should be funded, percentage who thought it should be funded by the federal government. 60: Percentage who said they preferred some combination of state, federal, employer and individual contributions. Source: DoctorDirectory. com . 52: Percentage of employ- ers who recruit applicants for hard-to-fill positions only when the jobs become open, according to Aon Consulting’s “2008 Benefits and Talent Survey.” 33: Percentage of employers who recruit continuously. 36: Percentage of respon- dents who said that over the last two years, when their organizations were not successful in hiring their top recruits it was because these top candidates went elsewhere for pay they perceived as higher. 32: Percentage of respon- dents who said they did hire the majority of their top recruits. Source: Aon Consulting. Idle Thought “No problem can stand the assault of sustained thinking.” -- Voltaire (Copyright 2008 John MacIntyre Inc. Distributed by Universal Press Syndicate.) Puzzle answers on Page B6. |