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Show OUR BUIKJET OF FUN GOOD JOKES ORIQINAL AND SELECTED. $OME Vartaty or A tM n galp. JcUaat from th Utbo. d4 llotHB ltd ml ud Uumur Wtiljr Silgbtly Ml i ad. 'Prisoner," said bis honor, as the case wae closed, jou Ume beta found guilty of stealing a pig belonging to CoL Childers, Have anything to say btfore I pass sentrme" "I has, sab," answered the prisoner, as he rose up "It was all a mistake, 1 Jedge all a mistake. didn t dun reckon to steal no pig from Kurnel Childers. What I was arter was a hawg belonging to Majah Dawson, an how deni two animals got mixed up and de constable found de meat In my cabin am gwine to bodder me 'nil 1 come out o jail an lick de ole woman fur not keepln' better watch at do doahi She Wm m RurprUd 'Tve something impawtant to ah say to you," began young Cholly Sap-wi- t, who had determined, at length, to propose, "something which ah may 1 Suhpwlze think ah Miss you. " Peppwey Well, wetl, exclaimed Miss Pepp-reThat certainly does surprise me For Dnce Choly thought also, aDd on second thought he decided not to propose. Philadelphia Press. Disabled. I m sorry for. He does seem to be In a pretty bad way. Paralyzed, isn't he?" Yes. Paralysis is bad in any case, but It affects him more seriously than It won d most people." uy so ) ou see he's been a teacher of Frem ,t. Now he has bad to quit It He can t wiggle his shoulders." Chi- There's a man cago 1 imes-Heral- d. To Rm Tried Aculn. The thief had been caught, but he feigned innocence nevertheless. Ha? exclaimed the policeman, youre around again, eh?" I thought they put you away,! Nj. The judge said he give me an- other trial. 0h, 111 did? Come along then; well let him keep his word. Philadelphia Press. t Got Out of It Cheaply. "Tou Bated my life, 'and wBStever .you ask for Ill give you!" Thank you, ilrf Im, a .poor . man, and If you help, me with 116 I should be greatly obliged." You value my life at only 15? Clear out, you shameless fellow! 1 wont .give anything to any one who would Insult me so! Returns Cam In Early. Husband Er my dear, there Is going to be a very Important er elecand I may tion at my club Wife Very well. I'll wait up ,to f bear the returns. Urn er are you Interested In the returns? Yes returns. your New - 'b, that Isnt egotism. Thats merethe usual human tendency ta worry over trifles Washington Star. ly OntnUu nearly Frlgl.u.ed te Heath VoaacetarT run an I can Set. eDgine!ikeys as Fred I Idick water and tue ship swung round head to wind as her courses wer bralled men hurried aloft to up, and th hand the topsails and topgallant sails; o ths was soon denuded of her can-va- t. RODNEY; When the anchor plungd-lnta-tb- g frothy water, making a thousand concentric ripples run from the ship; and w when I felt, by the Instant strain upon the cable, that ha had firm hold of the ground, my heart swelled with BY JflMBB GRANT. unalloyed happiness; for to be In Ten-erlfwaa to be tar on th watery high road to my borne. CHAPTER XXXlli Santa Crus being the capital of the (Font imied ) appearing for s time like feat I achieved with cjnslder-abl- s white nr dusky specks, according to the Isles, Is the residence of th captain-generT&i for the birds alien roused P1-1of the Canaries, th seat of th positloh of the sun. froS their e ries a h Kiped, 'creamed, The captain of the San Ildefonsa per-- , supreme court of law, snd of all th and commissaries of foreign gji wheeled m i oiks and clrc'ea about celling that Marc Hialop snd 1 were consul mS,flaPPuE theii bune winy- - so that great friends kindly placed u In the .power, whose various flags, when die I ones betame so beaildered. that Insame watch. played upon tS'elr houses, make the stead of clambering again to the sumAs for Antonio the Cubano. we never handsome streets a gay in aspect a mit cf the cliff I bigan a descent towent near him If we could help it. the harbor, which alwaya crowded ward the foaming sca below v. He was placed In the cable tier, and by the shipping of every nation. fln reasiending m hat wffwblown A custom house boat, with th Spanfor more complete security, tq the bilgsy, and aith it the "tfuied eggs boes, which are iron shat kies that con- ish ensign floating at th stem, earn I bad r sked mv life and fine the (hr which feet However, we dally promptly off with an official, a dandled Dbs, heard from the aurgeon and from Fra creole in uniform, with a sombrero on .After this event I to procure Anselmo, who was somewhat skilled in bis curly head, a saber at hie side, food for myself alone and instead of and who undertook hla cure and .a cigar in hla mouth. To him surgery, returning to Antonto. who usually bodily and mentally, that the wound Capt. Estremera made a full report of. loitered about the hut our men had under the right armpit had provedJ lh mutiny which had broken out In left, I went to the opposie side of the the slight, through lungs bad escaped his ship when off the African coast, (eland, and found a banana gnne, narrowly, but that the other In the snd the stern mode of Its suppression. Therein I took up my quarters. breat bad Hence, In two hour after, we bad the I bad been flinty six hours without tion of the penetrated was aOeby por- the satisfaction danof eeelng Antonio el. heart, and very seeing my pleasant ihum, the Cubano, gerous one. The friar added Cubano, Benito Ojeda, the old tlndal of the that or being near htm with food. I knew Cubano was not one df those men who the Lascars, and etghter other rascsl. that his rage aould be great, and feelare easily killed, and thus he would taken off to the castle of Santa Crus In ing myself unusually aeak, after all recover s large open boat, guarded by twelve rapidly. (hS mental excitement and bodily ex-- pc Yie also heard that Antonio waa well Spanish eoldlera. ln charge of a lieuI had comjure undergone, necessity cared for, as he had discovered one or tenant, Don Luis Pineda pelled me now to avoid him strictly, two friends among the crew, such as I can still recall tbs glance of Imas 1 was totally incapable of contendthe seaman Benito Ojeda, a most vil- potent and baffled malignity that Annlm with in ing any way If he found me to plead that I had lainous looking, beetle browed and tonio bestowed on us as be went down - When squat little Catalonian, who seemed to the ships side. It combined all the searching fur berries about be the worst character on board, and worst emotions of bis angry heart, and on the western side of the Isle, sunrise, was somewhat reminded me of bis face engaged In perpetual quarrels. and while the sun, though up, was yet A few days aftercroselng the tropic in that terrible moment when be below ths great mountain and cast its of of on th a end the studding at we Cancer, swung lovely afternoon, to shadow the extreme horizon of the with despair In hla clutch and again saw the peak of Teueriffe lighthaby morning sea, 1 encountered Aned up by the western sunshine and death In hla heart, tonio at last. We watched the boat UU It reached Hunger, apparently, had rendered rising like a cone of red flame from the the long atone mole, and then we saw him furious; but feeling certain in a blue sea. The cloud seemed to rise with It, the fixed bayonets of the escort flashmoment that timidity would do me no ere long we saw lu base spread- ing, as the whole party ascended th and service, I started hack and said la J - great eUlr toward the custom house, ing out beaeath them. Spanish: Ha! ha! I told you what would Tennyreef agan!" 1 heard old Tom and iurrounded by a mob of those nauhappen when 1 wanted food. said be, Lambourne muttering, as b? leaned tical Idler who usually make a pier over the ice bow, with a short pip In their lounge, disappear In the Interior feeling the point of his knife, ; r Dash my wig! I have of ths town, as they marched toward My blood ran cold at these words, bts mouth. tnd I cast longing ey upon my lost had a spell enough of Tennyreef before the castle. Two episodes more will close tbs and this! hatchet; hs saw th glam , Manuel (jlautier and Hlslpp'pow came story of Antonio hi trial and pvhlsh- trampled upon the weapon with a with a party of seamen to get the an- menu mocking laugh. What dp you mean, Cubano? I chors off the forecastle to her hows. XXXV. asked, in an almost breathleasVoTcer This was nbllght ustr the Teader may 8 mply this that, as The Last of Antonio El Cubahor be assured, for they were. each, about Is the first law of nature, I am forty-five- r The trial cam on la a couple of dayi hundred weight; and now bound to kill you. ; the ponderous cables r a tiled along the after, and proceeded with a celerity Hs had the revolver In his hand, and deck as they were bent to the Iron unknown in England 0r Scotland eithwhile he cast a glance at the capa on Tings. " er. We were alt examined, and preth breach, as If to see that they were 'We approached this singular Island viously were sworn, not on a Bible, all right, and Bheathed hi knife, I from a point that wae new to me; but but over two sword blades held In th a still its made a bound aside and placed great and most familiar fea- form of a cross for such is the old bfftkngjree .between me The dastard tures were the same as when I first cblvalrlC custom In a Spanish court "" "" stripped off pleceof bai 'liL "genie T.HE SMALLEST SHEEP. In the same manner I escaped a sec Estremera now reminded us that Antonio guilty; he ws sentenced to Live la Brittany an I la Ki Bigger end shot, id Antonio, finding that, hi at when w should not fail to die by the garotte, and heard hi doom Teneriffe Than & Lap Dog. d ammunition was likely to visit tbs two ; great sights of, the.lslsnd with apparent apathy, The very smallest of nil kinds of he expended fruitlessly, rushed forthe Valley or th Diamond, and the The tlndal tof th Lascar was resheep Is the tiny Breton sheep. It is ward to use hla knife: leased, as It would appear that he had pld Dragon tree of Caora. The tendril of a pumpkin caught his too small to be very profitable to raise, The wind was fresh and, fair, but acted under compulsion; but Benito for, of course, it cannot have much eft foot, he fell heavily and hurt him felt light after sunset; and when the Ojedo and eight other Spanish seawool, and, as for eating, why, a hum pejf severely. Then, darting past, I high land of the Grand Canary was on men wer sentenced to work in the gry man could eat almost a whole on lecured my hatchet, and rendered furi-jU- s our starboard beam lt almost died fortification or on th highway for at a meal. It la so small when by all that had occurred, and by away. As w on ' we aaw th tea year. In chain, a felons or galthat It can hide behind a good-size- d he Imminent danger which menaced lighthouse at thecrept base of La Montana ley slaves. ne, a light seemed to flash before iny bucket It takes Its name-froA few days later w found a great Rexo, which in th warm sunset seemth part of France where it la most pyea, I trembled with rage, and felt at ed td have turned Into' blood or crowd of colonists, citizens, mulattoes, raised. But, If not a profitable sheep, fj Imbued with supernatural strength. wine, so deeply crimson was the port creoles and negroes, all In motley and glow it is a dear little creature for a pet, for was about to spring upon Antolo that lingered on the clouds and on ths gaudily striped linen Jackets and troubeIt la very gentle and loving, and, rtth hands, feet and teeth, to bew him shore; and then the vast peak save sers, assembled In tb Plaza, where cause It 1 so small, is not such a rkh the hatchet as I would have hawg where guard of Spanish infantry, with musa girdled in midair nuisance about the house as was the (tree, when a new object suddenly floating vapor seemed all by B light kets shouldered and bayonets fixed, of deep celebrated lamb which belonged to a Might my eye. violet tint dotted at lt base by the kept back the people In the form of a little girl named Mary. Any little girl ft was a ship but ship ashore, white walls of bouses, or of sugar mills hollow square about a raised wooden could find room In her lap for a Breton Cubano," I exclaimed In a husky and by groves of cocoa and rosewood platform, which was covered with black cloth and whereon waa placed sheep. One of this little creatures pe- - race, look there! tree. is Its extreme sympathy k nt0nIo looked In the direction In culiarltles - . Darkness , was soon there, but still th garotte. , with the feelings of its human friends, "What Is all this about? we asked. ated, and, pausing In his murderous the sunset lingered In rays of, fire upwhen It has been brought up as a pet Mention, uttered a fierce Haugh of "R is for th execution of Antonia, on the mighty peak of Adam, fig which In the house, and has learned to disa Cuban pirate, who is to die by th never tired of gazing, the eye tinguish between happiness and un- in th rocky channel which opened v By' midnight we wer ebreaet of it, garotte," replied a soldier. happiness. If any person whom It nween the inaccessible Island and and all wae darkness (To b continued.) at last save likes is very much pleased about any- Mrs there lay the n bull of where the millions of stars were sparthing, and shows it by laughing, the ,llsmasted vessel, which might baVe kling fn the wide blue dome of th THACKERAYS GENTLER SIDE. iitUesheep wUlfrlskabout with every over nIght lt wag cerUla sky. You f Perfect Hpplni HI Owe sign of Joy; bui. If, oir the contrary, I were. itL the morning. Uteg-and the person sheds tear th sympathetic III. Wife. Lex Bar j" and fast upon a reef-of- -k the friend, will evince its sorrow in an that'conaccted them. i Th following letter was written In Ah harbor of Santa Cruz of mouth unmistakable way. Stray equally his new object changed at once the that pretty .town "which Humboldt 1$38 by Thackeray to his wife: Stories. Here htve w been two years marrlbte current of the Cubans ideas, termed the most ' beautiful between Bar rad Grottnri. ried and not a single unhappy day. J grim smile passed over his olive Spain and the Indies. The ground on which a foreign legs- - j ntenance, he shobk back the e A Cash that broke the darkness, with Oh, I do bless God for all this happitlon stand la considered as belonging i sees of coal-blahair, which, iu a light puff pt smoke floating away ness which he has given me! It Is to to the country whose flag floats from fashion, overhung hla wild from the old castle walls, indicated th great that I almost tremble for th tuthe legation roof. Supposing a mem- k eyes, and sheathing . hla knife, morning gun, and that dawn was vis- tors,, except that 1 humbly hope for . S.J what man la certain about hi own her of a foreign legation in London d; ible. ' . and wicked nets? Our love la weakness Committed a murder, all we could do MIo muchacho-om- e; T was seemed wer as If It blit it yestefday only would be to suggest (a favorite dip- strong enough to wltbsiani any preswbrn the Fvenle snd the Costa'Rlrsn Ing. Yonder we will find fjod periomatlc word, always used, except in ns, and who knows what more? brig had worked Cut ot.ihe Mime har- sure from without, and, as it Is a gift relation to China) that the offender ma, it is n bargain, and Jf yog dont bor together. In the same species of greater than any fortune. Is likewise should be gent back to hla native coun- - ert me, I shall not molest you dull twilight, and that all which had one superior to poverty, or sickness, or evil- - with which " try and punished there. Some time in." passed since that tlme .had been. a gny other worldly providence may visit ua. Let ns pray, ago, when n certain gentleman, whose t&i proceeded at once toward the dream. name was well known at the time, wa ifcch, and I was hungry enough, and We beat In with the breeze ahead. as I trust there Is no barm, that non kidnaped Into th Chinese legation, an ijrhap reckless enough now, to be The light of another day wa rapidly of these may come upon us, a the best of a truce, and to follow him. In descending frombe summit of th and wisest in the world prayed that Inspector from Scotland Yard imme-rti- d diately proceeded thither and released, e hope of finding something eatable peak, and already that green girdle he might not be led Into temptation. I think happlnesa la aa good aa the prisoner. This wa a most serious i board, named the Region of Laurela was and I feel in my heart a kind breach of International law, and was, shining in the sunbeam; so ere long we prayers of ciroverflowing thanksgiving which la discussed In CHAPTER custom saw the XXXIV. of windows the house, diplomatic intensely cles. Since the Chinese legation I The Homeward Voyage. which stands above the long pole, and quite too great to describe In writing. part and parcel of China, an invasion l! jMy heart' beat happily; I was no all the shaded lattices of the terraced This kind of happiness is Ilk a fine see a little b,. of it of the celestial empire wa thu mad ter maroon, but oil the jtreets of Santa Cruz, glittering In gold picture; you only when jou arejear the canvas. Go a h toed to home and Old England. and by a Sctoland Yard purple sheen." ere rescued by n ship hailed by The neb ora were ready to be let go; Hltttle distance and then you see' how JpUtnaL P and the others. the chain cable were ranged upon beautiful It 1. T dont know that I shall have done had several days of the finest deck in long eolla that ran for and ' Sett la a Ta of Sm much by eomlng away, except by be'Pleal each s a In a ton of Dead Sea water there weather, and they passed aft; we tacked repeatedly, and so awfully glad to ge back. 1ST pounds of salt; Red Sea, nlnet by a greater Incident than time the tacke became shorter and ing lnt a shoal of dolphins, sparkling more frequent. Aft three; Mediterranean, eighty-fivthey surged through the brine; the Elephant m Nikn, lantlLSi&hty-one- ; "Ready about! Presto! down with English Cbannj Siamese ' women Intrust their chilP,erY flying fish leap from one green the helm--lfly the eventy-twBlack Bern twenty-s- .i Baltic, eighteen; and Caspian SdaJ afery elope to another, while the were the order heard - Incessantly dren to the care of elephants, who are irh. crooked fin of the stealthy shark from Estremera and Manuel Gautier. careful never to hurt the lftUe creaeleven. I ided a usual In the trough of the - Thk yards slewed around sharply and tures, and if danger threatens, the sa-- ' will curl the child gentth. esmrsi Jlapped with a sound like gaciou Inanimal ; his trunfc- - and swing l np of muskelry;irlast th ly the cracking are dally perform id 1 j I atroeses, floating near it, or perhaps anchor was let go shout n half mile and out of harms way upon IU own, world. j th horizon Abe topsail of vessel from the shore In thirty fathoms of broad back. Or. The Adventures An Eton Boy... J IgitmmtsttissilmMemMi hull-dow- n, When, through her own carelessness. J discovered that she wore false said hair, .1 lost all love fof her. Hanby. Alas! He was not the first man wrecked by a misplaced switch. Philadelphia North American. Voluntary Offer. down east, Umpy." Wot for. Weary? some-wher- Cleveland Plain So I did. auh so I did; but I been rrastlln In prar bout it ever since, en He Should be Caged. 1 tell you when it comes to ts now my opinion dat dem heathens Jingo chuck full, en any mo would give treacherous tactics the Filipinos leads the band. He's a bird. :m de lndigestionr That's right, and from our Bingo standpoint a bird in the hand is worth Well Ueflaed. ambush. Philadelphia A little boy was asked the other day two In the Press. of sins omission, hat was meant by e astutely TepHedr without asyjtes-atlolie CbderiloiXt. Those we have forgotten to Now, Johnnie, do you -- understand jmmit This almost equals the little Id's definition of faith as believing thoroughlywby I am going to whip you? jmethlng we know isnt true." Yesm. .You're In a bad humor this iousehold Words, morning and youye got to lick some s. one before yon feel satisfied. A Cheerful Soul. i n: Tit-Bit- sail-boo- m, i- (Jctof Evidence to Illnw Of late pears the Mrs Thlnkhard spread of Intelligence among ail classes hag been simply wonderful. Old Bachelor Yes, I notice there has been a great falling off in the number of marriages. Stray Stories. It. DISmil Thar. Women should have their rights," said she, with some spirit True, hs replied, but in a crowded trolley ear, for instance, theyre not Cathowilling to stand np for them. lic Standard and Times. n.aa. Training Youre been Who won that Bug round here half day! lag match Sprigglne. Tamp Well, a half a loafs better a aint It? Puck. none, f - own fortune. Yes. but its probably lucky for i that the building Inspector didnt be was making ipen around while Puck. Mb HfiiMtiM. wo-i-ll dont yon try that conundrum our wife? Cleveland Do Partly Expartanaa. you believe In mental grtphy? "Tee; when Im late to dinner I know exactly what my wife will say when I get there. . Debody want to know why" in love with Inferior men. iy walk "He did! Who wae his trainer? Hie baby.- Stray Stories. . Fault r Cofi.truetlon. Da Smlthers says he la the architect a. Baat, long-distan- ce Plain We never get tired of baked apples at the place where I live. ' You dont? No; we know If we did wed get prune." -- i -- full-gro- f 5 n, wave-beate- -- d hofThefeyestm-iiay,-rttfHiw-ttaw-hie- -H- e4 elf-lllt- See, here! al 1 ck 'armer fe much-prize- d. "Theres a fellow down there that's experimentin with th , Helping th. Heathen. that alcohol aint food, of idee provln Bred Williams, I thought you said an' want to be his horrible example. I starv-de wuz fer i tuck up collection Dealer. heathens? engineer. THREE-YEAR-O- said little 3 year-ol- d Evans, he was lifted down from the locomotive of the St Johns motor line the other day at Albina He had mounted ' .No, replied the heartless wretch. the erglne at St Johns, pulled open I mean just what I said 1 L m. to- the throttle and remained on the seat morrow alone on a mad ride of seven miles, set saya an exchange The young engineer is the son of W B Evaus of SL Him Temporarily. Say icinarked Wragson Tatters, Johns, an eng neer on the motor line. looking up fiom the old newspaper He has often been on the engine, and which he had been reading, "did yer his father had txplained hbw the lever Is pulled and the wheels started movever lose yer appetite" The eng ne " an hour at Well repi ed Eton Wrun, 1 did ing Just onct One day in '57 I got what 1 St. Johns, just by the water Lank, and calls a squat e meal, an' fur mebbe 15 during this time while Mr Evans was at home at lunch, little Fred walked minutes attr It I didn't have no appedown to the engine. mountedxWie seat tite at all Philadelphia Preaa. and opened the throttle wuflv The machine was full of coal and water and Home T bract ready for the road. Several people "I be.ieve we mothers cannot be too saw the boy start, but no one was cartful Whenever there Is any difficlose enough to catch the engine. The culty between my husband and me, I news was at once told to Mr Evans, send the children outdoors Immeend he reached the track just in time diately.'' to see the locomotive, with his boy on Very prudent, but on the other hand board, disappear around a curve. The Is It good for the children to be obliged to be on the streets from morning to lather was wnld with grief and fear, rna the boys mother was almost prosnight" New York World. trated The news spreid like wildfire, and the whole town turned out ExOn. of Tbo. H miMt Children. citement was Intense, women and children cried and the men offered suggestions Master Mechanic Michael F. Brady was at the end of the line, and at once began to telephone to stations Portsmouth and Penalong the line insular wpre notified, and men at these points tried to board the engine as It dashed by, but Its speed was too great. Mr. Brady also notified ths office at Albina.and a party of men ran out line northward to meet the wild engine. In coming up the long grade toward Albina, the steam died down a little, but the register still showed eighty pounds. John Woods, a motor-ma- n on the City and Suburban railway, was the first man to meet the engine. He carght the handrail -- nd swung up, but in so doing he was dragHe at ged sixty or seventy-fiv- e feet Amiable Hostess "Well, now you once turned off the steam, and the are here I hope you will stay to lunch slowed down and stopped. It was then young Fred made the remark with me. Cushing lsltor "Oh, thank you ao concerning his ability as an enginS-drlve- r. much, dear Mrs Browne, if we may. The boy was not scared at all, (To daughter): There, Vera, wont that but seemed rather proud of bis lent. be delightful? Such a pleasant surWhen the engine first dashed out trf prise for you " St. Johns he was frightened, and as - Severely Truthful Child Not a sur- he came through Portsmouth Jike a prise, mother.- - You know you said shot out of a gun, he was yelling lustMrs. Browne must ask us to lunch If After going several ily for mamma. we only stopped long enough. miles, however, he again became Ipnch. brave, and held hig position on the seat with composure, with his hand on , Explalaeih the lever like a veteran. In the mean-- , 1 must confess to a great deal of time the news of the rescue had been egotism, said Willie Wlshlngton. sent by telephone to the frightened Indeed," responded- Mis Cayenne. parents, and for the remainder of the Yaa. t think .bout tnyaelf entirely her toor much. Im goin York Weekly. e Wailing nf ilia II cy "What u, ue w,U you be home, deal? arked the young Wife as her husband started down town after breakfast?" "Oh, about 1 t. in, I guess," rwas the reply ' dou mean 1 p m., dont you? she asked i offlclaL--Chamber- Fte on-rk- ed e; et o; .rr-r- a head-sheets- !" ' |