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Show THE ZEPHYROCTOBER 89 another story Tynes one more for the road by Jim Stiles On the evening of March 9, 1970, the world looked grim. Hunkered down In front of a TV, drinking one of Larry Bemis dreadful Falls City beers, I lamented my for starters I was flunking out of college. I hadn't even been current situation to class since early March. I actually forgot to go to two of my midterms. And lurking ust beyond school was the U. S. Army. The first national draft lottery had occurred on national television a few weeks earlier. I was convinced I'd get a high number, but instead, my birthday drew 39. I was a goner. Beyond that, I'd Just blown the head gasket on my car, and then of course, there were always those damn Carter sisters. So here I sat watching (God help me) "the Brady Bunch," drinking a beer that was believed to be brewed with Ohio River sewage water. Down and out in River City. Tynes Suddenly, the door blew open and Tynes exploded through the portal one. to never arrived a seemed he always upon merely explode upon scene; "Stiles," he bellowed, "how much money do you have?" I was down to my last twelve bucks, and I told him so. "Good enough," he replied. "We're going to Florida. Florida. It sounded like a great idea. Next week would be spring break. The weather In Kentucky was awful. Why not get away to the sunny south? Why not, Indeed? Well, for one reason, I had no money. In fact it was the only reason I needed. I was broke. "No problem, said Tynes. He pulled out a Texaco credit card and a $50 bilL "I think my father wanted a vacation from me, so he gave me this stuff. Lets go. In twenty minutes, the car was packed. We stopped at the A & P for Vienna sausages, crackers and Kosher dills and headed south along the Kentucky Turnpike. We had to get to Florida by noon the next day. We'd drive all night If we had to, but we were determined to be in Perry, Florida In 13 hours. For the first time in years, the North American Continent was about to see a total yclipse of the sun. The first town to experience it would be Perry, a little backwater fishing village on the Gulf Coast We were going to be at Ground Zero when it happened. Through the night we raced south. Tynes had a plan. When we got to Perry, he thought we should wade out into the Gulf a hundred yards or so and wait for the eclipse. He assumed there would be large crowds along the beach to observe this celestial event When the eclipse became total, he thought we should run out of the water yelling "Maguana Saito" and explain to the curious that we'd followed the eclipse all the way from Mexico, swimming furiously all the way. I never did find out what "maguana saito means, and it was years later that I realized the sun rises in the east From a Florida perspective, it has yet to rise over the Gulf of , ; We drove south of Lake Okeechobee, deep Into the heart of the Everglades, and now at midnight, it continued to rain. We slept in the car dt a picnic area near Monroe Station. We were on U.S. 41, better known as Alligator Alley; all night, we objects splashing and thrashing In the nearby swamp. the sound of heard large It "Gators, said Tynes. "If the skeeters dont get you, then the gators wilL' I the of would that lyric fully comprehend meaning would be twenty years before ballad. Trio old an from Kingston The next day, the skies cleared, the sun smiled brightly upon us; we left the and U.S. 1. Tynes pulled 'glades and turned south on the Florida Keys Causeway Sea gulls flew above us. The ocean, on both sides of out a couple of Roi-Ta- ns. In the light Strangely, the Gulf side appeared turquoise, the causeway shimmered the Atlantic, a deeper blue. Tynes puffed on his cigar. "This is great" he said, and I had to agree. We reached Key West In the In 1970, college spring break crowds had not moved this far south. The town was dead. No parties, no mobs, no riots, no riot police. This Is also great said Tynes. And once again, he was right We camped out Illegally on the beach, . - -- Ltbut nobody bothered us. Nobody cared. -- mid-aftern- oon. ' Mexico. Tynes started chanting "maguana saito, to himself mostly (he Just liked the It), while I gazed at the darkened landscape. I wondered about my friend Osterhott, whod been hauled off In a strait Jacket to Our Lady of Peace Sanitarium, Just a couple of weeks ago. Driven to the brink of insanity by one of those devious Delta Zeta girls, I feared the same fate for myself. Some friends and I had found poor B. J. In his baggy boxer shorts on the pool table one evening, babbling that "the Flash would make everything OK. Because a childhood mishap had deadened one of his front teeth, the Kg 0 was convinced that the slightly discolored tooth had rendered him "unattractive. This was the reason, he claimed, that the Delta Zeta girl had dumped him. And Jack did not use drugs. What could I say. 1 always believed in complete honesty, so as he sat there on the pool table, I told him the truth Yes, indeed. Your black tooth has made I some kind of Cosmetic dental surgery was the only solution. said you freak, This, unfortunately, led to his complete breakdown, and now as we passed through south Georgia, I wondered if I was somehow to blame. And what about retaliation? Once he regained his strength, would Jack launch a Carter sister counterattack? Could he be so cruel? I could only shudder at the thought of it sound of the Florida state line, we stopped at the welcome center for a complimentary of orange juice ("Always take advantage of free food, said Tynes), and then glass left the Interstate for the Gulf CoasL By the time we arrived In Perry,' a dark overcast sky blotted out the sun and a torrential rain storm whipped the palms and wreaked havoc with the dozens of shabby "EcGpse Souvenir" stands that had sprung up on Main Street We waited in the rain for the moment of total eclipse. It came and went I was raining so hard, we could scarcely tell the difference. There were no crowds on the beach; in fact, there was no beach. The tide was out, exposing miles of mud flats. There would be no "maguana saito chants today. What now, I wondered? "Key West, said Tynes. At honest ozzie good food, good prices 12 block south of Rim welcome bikers 60 n. 1st w. block south of coop m -- 11:30 am 5:30 pm natural food cuisine On Tuesday morning, the sun broke through a low overcast sky, and the temperature warmed to 70 degrees by 10 ajn. A great day for relaxing on the - beach we were on vacation. Tynes forget the draft, school, and the Carters rolled up his sleeping bag and threw it in the car. ..' "Let's go," he said. "Are you crazy? I replied. He must be kidding, I thought This is Tuesday; we have the rest of the week. I rotated my beach towel to take better advantage of the sun. The sound of gentle waves lapping on the beach lulled me to a state of reverie. "I'm not kidding, Tynes snapped. "Let's go. I sat up and looked at him closely for the first time. Tynes, I argued, "What Is vour problem? We've got the rest of the week. Now. "Nope, we've got to go We argued, I screamed. I wanted to hit him, but he was so damn big. I doubt he would have felt my punches. He seemed totally unreasonable; only later did I It was a woman. The man was willing to leave Florida, and drive 700 realize why to eat fried chicken with his secret true love on Wednesday evening. miles, just But on this morning, on the beach, as I kicked sand and Jumped up and down, he refused to tell me about his new found love. All he would say is NOW. "Were leaving I finally pulled my pack out of the car, with my sleeping bag, extra socks and underwear, and my remaining nine bucks. I could play this stubborn game too. I was as determined to stay as he was to leave. Tynes said that was my choice. He got In his car and drove away. I sat on a picnic table and waited for him to come back. Dont bluff me, I mumbled to myself. A half hour passed. OK, Tynes. Fun's fun. The sun rose higher In the sky. I stared at the northbound highway, straining to see a southbound blur. Finally, it occurred to me hes not coming ?ijl(D)hop 57 North Main Moab, Utah 84532 DON & KAY SWASEY Scrimshaw Engraving Jewelry Turquoise Dinosaur Bone Souvenirs Jewelry Repairs Let us be your silversmith Custom Orders Welcome 7 days a week 7 am Beach. HHMSMT cafe9 & desert oasis V2 could have stayed there all week, or even for the rest of my life, but the next morning Tynes announced we were leaving. Well, it was his car and his credit card, so we turned north reluctantly, across the causeway again to Ft Lauderdale. We found the motel where the cursed Delta Zetas were staying, but the fear grabbed me (those Carter sisters!) and we left, leaving only a cryptic message taped to Marcia Fogartys car. That night we camped out in the rain again at Vero I - Home Brewing and Winemaking Supplies |