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Show THE ZEPHYRMARCH 1990 over easy 3 by john sensenbrenner Curtain rises to fading notes of "This Land Is Your Land." MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (waving flyswatter, smiling willfully with the convinced purpose of those engaged In unnecessary doings) O.K. Here we go. Circumcise your watches. Lets get this rehearsal rolling. As we all know, I'm Dooby Dooby Doo, handsome, also supreme potentate of our majestic Anasazi Renaissance headquarters, richly appointed with peach carpet and exotic plastic plants. Question, Scooby Do? MINOR FUNCTIONARY, (snivelling) Uh, chleL.uh, why are you standing on that table, uh, twirling that, uh, flyswatter, know I'm not worthy to question your mighty acts, sir, and, uh... MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (pointing from fencing pose) Dont Interrupt, son. Im testing a new fly control theory. Have you noticed we haven't seen any files today? MINOR FUNCTIONARY, (grovelling nervously) mid-leng But chief, I know I'm only a humble, uh, unlmposlng, public servant Incapable of Independent thinking, but, uh, It's February MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (slapping leg with flyswatter) Don't call me chief, boy. It's excellency. Or exalted excellency. Now, where were we? Oh, yes, we all know the Importance of putting this presentation over on the Middle School kids for the glory of our beloved agency. So It's critical that were well prepared to snow 'em with the need for this new park at the Power Dam. Our strike team of ten troopers, all dedicated professionals, sharp looking In their departmental uniforms, sharp, have come up with some goooood solid reasons for tills park, solid. Lets go over It once more. Who can give me some of those uh, sir? I fence-straddli- vel reasons? MINOR FUNCTIONARY, (frantically waving hand, squirming, suppressing apparent need to urinate) Me. Me. I had my hand up first, chief, er, uh, excellency. MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (saluting Imperiously with flyswatter) O.K., son. MINOR FUNCTIONARY, (wringing hands, head bowed, beaming pride) It will be very pretty, and a good place for a picnic. MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (directing Invisible orchestra with flyswatter baton, humming "Hall To The ChleO Thats fine, boy. Now sit down and give some of the others a chance. Go ahead, Doo Wacka Doo... then we'll hear from your brother Yabba Dabba. SENIOR DYSFUNCTIONARY, (rising with deliberate dignity, wig falls off, Ms. Zlpplty Doo Dah Day snorts) Shut up Zlpplty. Well, sir, ahem, our evaluation of the Power Dam Indicates that there's no need at all for a park there. In fact, It Is a park now. Calling It a park will not stop littering. An occasional cleanup and perhaps a dumpster would serve conscientious public servant I'll the same purpose. But since I'm a career-mind- ed of a park. This will reflect well with creation the and recommend go along program on the department and show our willingness to cooperate with the local community. And most Important it will cover our real purpose, which, of course, Is to close those eyesore Jeep trails that originate there and thereby make access to the new Mill Creek Canyon Wilderness Area more difficult. After all, these are exterminating circumstances, (sits carefully, as If expecting a tack on his chair) MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (nodding regally In smug approval) Now we'll hoar from Ms. Zlpplty Doo Dah Day.... ARKSPURT. (adjusting glasses. Ups curled In priggish condescension, screeching) Right, excellency. Doo Wacka Doo Is rlghL We all know that under my charming exterior Is a hard-co- re sdentisL I can do It all. Now that It's a certainty that opportunities for solitude will be Implemented In Mill Creek Canyon we can proceed with our program to take advantage of opportunities to expand wilderness qualities outside the wilderness area Itself. MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (smiling agreement, looks around, demonstrates his a humble but honest fair but abilities by recognizing management omnipotent subordinate who does not wish to be found guilty of not contributing to the PAGE 15 discussion) O.H, yes. Yabba Dabba Doo? JUNIOR DYSFUNCTIONARY, (burdened with the gravity of the discussion) Also, sir, the time Is ripe to strike. Moab has been floundering In a quagmire of Inaction and has now been stampeded Into doing something, even If Its wrong, (swelling with conviction that he has captured the group) Our Power Dam Park will seem at this time to be a generous contribution to the Mill Creek Greenway Project. And If we get the Middle School kids to think that It's their Idea to design this swell new park, who could challenge a bunch of little kids who want a park? MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (swishing viciously with Inflated Importance, thinking that that boy's going places In this outfit) Sounds like a natural, Yabba Dabba. Yes, Zlpplty? ARKSPURT. (Ingratiatingly, not wanting to be upstaged, ready to Jump Into the light fixture at the first loud noise, voice strained) Let me remind everyone of the Importance of the 20,000 archeological and paleontological sites In our area. Where ever one of the many, many ancient Indians lit a campfire, or stacked a pile of rocks, or even, ah, pooped, we have an Ark site, a shrine, perhaps of little value today, but with Improved technology, future generations (and we wouldn't want to be Judged harshly by future generations, now would we?) may make some sense of that stack of rocks. We are sure that every sign left by the ancient ones was done with the desire to leave ridiculous clues for future generations, us, to ponder, clues, that when discovered and Interpreted will lead to profound truths, like how to build a drafty open stone hovel. MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (challenging anyone else to top that) Very nice speech, Zlpplty, very nice. Yes,... Doo Wacka? SENIOR DYSFUNCTIONARY, (perspiring with passion to regain control of the group and approval of his excellency) What Zlpplty says Is quite true. Extending this Idea further, It's clear that our acts today will provide a wealth of clues for future generations. When I lose a golf ball In the rocks, for example, I do It with full knowledge that It will become a future Ark site and It Is Important that I lose It there and not two feet to the south. Intensive study with the technological advances of future generations will undoubtedly reveal truths about Its location that I didn't know myself, like with a slight adjustment In my grip, I could cure that slice. MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (becoming annoyed, frowning like a constipated ferret) We're wandering loo far afield from the Power Dam Park. Zlpplty? ARKSPURT. (sensing opportunity for more points) I guess what I'm saying Is that If all else falls to close those tails, we can "discover" artifacts nearby and claim that the trails are a danger to them. We can also apply the same management technique In case anyone wants to locate an old western town on or near OUR land. MINOR FUNCTIONARY, (glowing with enthusiasm) And, supreme excellency, uh, It covers up my, uh, suggestion last year to put a locked gate across the road for the people who, uh, bought the land Just below the Power Dam. I, uh, apologize for that, uh, presumption. MAJOR FUNCTIONARY. (Impatiently, coughing Into flyswatter) Alright, son. Let's not mention that again. Im sure those folks will show their gratitude for this park Idea. Now let's hear from T.T. Skldoo.... SECONPAHY ASSISTANT MINOR DYSFUNCTIONARY, (oarnestlv. relieved to be recognized) Sir, I wonder If we should discuss closing the trails with the people who use them, the Jeepers, the cattle leaseholder? Perhaps we could consider Incorporating those trails Into the parks, enhance them with trallhead signs. After all, they have been In use for years. I dont want to sound like I'm against the park. I'm only In my trimly-c- ut, youthful and Inexperienced, but darned good-looki- ng military style A Is uniform. park supposed to be for recreation, Isn't It? Why restrict the recreation of one group In favor of others? Why not Include everyone, especially those who have been using that area all along? MAJOR FUNCTIONARY, (sharply, glaring) That's enough discussion. We've already decided. Lets get on with the rehearsal by the strike force for our presentation to the school kids. Make sure your uniforms are snappy that day, snappy. (slashing menacingly with flyswatter) O.K., take it Zlpplty ... ARKSPURT. (squeaking maternally) Kids, I'm Ms. Doo Dah Day, and we need your help. Curtain descends slowly on ten snapplly drossed troopers, watches circumcised, looming over Intimidated school children. Down lights Next Month: up "This Land Is Your Land" an original one act play on either The elitist School Board or the Police Force Is with us or City Council lowers taxes (a comedy) or the 1907 Moab Jeep Safari BBBaBBHBHBBBBBHBBEBB 205 201 204 Quality Realty, Inc. 59 S. Main Suite H 207 417 218 343 Jan K. Flynn sales associate 1 Business (801) 8 Residence (801) 286 219 259-502- 259-228- 342 Equestrian, 19 acres, orchard, water, sprinklers, plus home $155, 000.00 Family Home, 3 Bedroom, Brick, landscaped near H.M.K. $54,000.00 , near H.M.K. 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