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Show THE ZEPHYRDECEMBER 89 PAGE 15 when you watch the "Redskins you'll see only blacks kins and whltesklns. No redskins. Seems like this Is the way most things have gone lately. Theres nothing you can depend on. Humbug. And today the Thanksgiving turkey looks pretty sorry. I remember back In olden times when a twenty pound turkey looked as big as a house. And the house I grew up In looked huge. Now when I look at that enormous house, It looks small Indeed. Wordsworth was right, everything was bigger and brighter then. The holidays, too, seem to have diminished In size. Try It yourself. The physical presence of memory material, like the house of your childhood, Is disappointingly over easy by john sensenbrenner There It Is, my holiday hat I knew It would come back In season. Remember when holidays were really something? When they brought happiness, gave us something to look forward to, broke the monotony of the calendar, gathered the clan, were festive, fun? Well, I've got a lot to look forward to, little monotony In my life, went to the gathering of the clan. But lately I haven't been feeling festive at holiday time. Matter of fact, Ive come to hate holidays (here comes my cheerful holiday message), even vacations, and If given a choice I'd probably never observe them. They were Invented by sadists to keep the masses from revolting. It's hard to Ignore all that distracting and annoying hoopla leading up to a holiday. But mainly I dont like them because the next day Is up there on a low branch of the real world ready to jump down and stick Its tongue out at me. Nyaaa. Two days after a vacation begins I start to think of how few days are left, a mind set, like showing up empty when the doctor gives you that little party's-ov- er cup for a urine test. No way this will be fun. Perhaps Its hard to get Into the holiday spirit at my age. I cant clear my mind of the dally tedium; the lawn still needs mowing, holiday or not; the fish need feeding, and on top of It all there's going to be the mess from the celebration to be cleaned up. Humbug. I havent always been down on holidays. They used to be fun for me too. Its just that somewhere along the One they lost their meaning. They started to seem like a baseball player In the last Inning on a team losing 23-- 0. Many holidays are not even celebrated on the right day. That might Interfere with someone's lifestyle.' Humbug. 'Take Halloween, the most fun of all holidays, and not Just for kids. It has nearly been neutered out of existence, Its original significance lost In a blizzard of superfluous silliness. A great, fun holiday changed by tongue-clacki- ng now get this who say "things have gone too far. Whenever I hear that all my sphincters tighten up. It usually means "things have gone too far" restrictions are coming, "for their own good," of course, "so they don't get hurt. Translated, It means that someone Is having more fun than they are. So they made rules for the holiday: anyone caught tricking or treating after a certain hour gets the thumb screws. Humbug. Thanksgiving Is probably the most American of holidays. It used to be associated with the harvest Peace and plenty. Turkeys and Indians. Now It's only a time for harvesting the leaves and harvesting a few beers from the electric refrigerator while watching football on the electric T.V. I like to hark back to the TVs. Today days when our forefathers watched the Redskins on wood-burni- ng do-goo- ders smaller than your memories. And those Indians that always hung around at Thanksgiving time with the turkeys have also become a disappointment. I guess they haven't been to enough Thanksgiving banquets because they no longer stand motionless and noble wearing feathers and carrying clubs, thinking profound thoughts like "ugh and "Ugh. Oh no, no more benevolent types like Pocahontas, clean and noble, despite being natural, patiently awaiting the beck and call of the white man to exploit them. Now they've discovered, like the Japanese, that the use of force Is not the way to win the game. You'd have to pay them to come to Thanksgiving dinner. I'd be afraid to go down to Main Street to Invite an Indian to Thanksgiving dinner. He'd probably document claiming It was his turkey, poached Illegally produce an Important-looki-ng from tribal lands. And my house, Incidentally, Is Illegally located on Indian land: Get out. Without a bite of turkey, turkey. Happy Thanksgiving. Humbug. Yes friends, the turkey has lost Its symbolic Importance. The former feathered monarch of the holiday has become a disfavored duck In my own home. My twelve year old daughter, rather than gorge herself on the traditional dinner, prefers to hold back and ask hopefully, "Can we have pizza for supper? Now that's what I call a real Thanksgiving dinner. Humbug. And then theres Christmas, granddaddy of all the holidays, amalgam of religious and social celebration, crisp season of silver bells and Frosty the Snowman, nostalgic time when magic and miracles are possible, when everyone feels the wonder of children, the lifting of spirits, the gladness of change, good times now, better to come. Remember that loveable old fraud Santa Claus, big and clean and ruddy and opulent and epitomizing the word Jolly? I don't think Ive ever heard the word Jolly applied to anything but old Santa. Hes still alive and Jolly today, they say. So how come I dont feel all that Jolly at holiday time? I've given It a lot of thought. The philosopher. Its not guilt because of the thousands of hungry people In the world, or those who will sleep tonight In a cardboard box. They're around all the time, not Just holidays. The turkey hasnt really shrunk. Santa Claus Is really Just as Jolly as ever. Its Just as enjoyable as ever to gather with family and friends. I think that what I feel Is the fleeting nature of "holiday cheer. Inherent In It Is the knowledge that It will too soon pass. It's a sense of loss, a sense of regret, an awareness of our mortality. Its a reminder that there may only be a few more such good times. When we're young we feel It will go on forever, holiday after holiday. As we get older we realize that It will not. An optimist says that that's all that we've got, so grab the few wonderful moments that pass near us and survive until the next. If you're fortunate enough to perceive most of your moments as holidays, you're lucky Indeed. Happy Holidays. 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