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Show THE ZEPHYRSEPTEMBER 89 PAGE 10 A Field Guide To Tourist Identification by Alan West Thera Is much discussion around our community as to where all of the tourists are coming from. Following are the compilations of many hours of observation of tourists In their natural habitat The first major division of tourist Identification would be classificaOut of necessity this chapter tion Into domestic and foreign categories. will deal with the group classification of European; subsequent chapters may deal with other major foreign classifications, as well as domestic. Europeanssub-classlflcatlo- n: Once you have determined that In essence, like look but Americans, they they talk funny, It Is safe to Immediately make The only group that may throw an the "European" untrained observer would be the classification of domestic, "New Jersey." Careful observation of the auditory signs will easily enable the observer to sort this anomaly Immediately. Auditory signals are, when available, the best Identifiers to use In starting to classify a tourist For this reason the observer should attempt to screen his presence, If possible, so that a shy subject will not be made due to your observations. Into the major European group, you will After careful a by country. attempt Following Is a list of secondary accepted Identifiers by country. How V wmtpswBR CA,1 tKifu1 jit ioi , 3e ne compMJdS PS sub-classlflcatl- on.. sub-classlflcat- lon, self-consci- ous sub-classlflca- tlon sub-classlflca- tlon France: Visual Identifiers - Females of this group are noted to have a Do not use this profusion of body hair about their legs and arm pits. Identifier as a singular positive Identifier, as you may Inadvertently place a quiet female boat person In this secondary The males In this group are often observed In possession of an accessory they use to carry personal belongings, that resembles a purse. The common attire for this group are shorts that give a 37 buttock exposure rate and all exposed No white flashes will be skin appears to have seen the sun frequently. observed when this tourist Is ambulatory. . Auditory Identifiers - when using language to make a classification, the, trained observer will listen for soft and pleasant sounds, such as voo, we and sherry. sub-classlflca- tlon. Visual Identifiers - Both sexes of this group appear to come ed from healthy and stock. They are normally observed In the tourist habitat operating rented Volkswagen vans. They are seen on major highways as a blur, as the common travel speed Is one hundred and fifteen miles an hour. They never carry a Japanese camera. Dress Is a bit more conservative than the French with a buttock exposure rate of between 25 and 30 percent; when walking, a pronounced white flash Is observed at the rear tan line. ' Auditory Identifiers - Expect to hear harsher sounds, like hoont and Ick. They often sound as though a hair ball has become lodged In their larynx. Germany: big-bon- i Tom Rees TUESDAY contracting at 4 v ! LA HACIENDA ' 4 25 ' it . V IV vskiilhha Box 1806 Castle Valley Star Route Moab, Utah 84532 (801)259-729- 6 'hA f fa ! SJU.1 rfS.TB SWTtU--f , If V liliiiili V s V A K mmmm f , .AV. AX '' v ' s W t . j ( La Hacienda 574 No. Main 259-63- 19 Jeff Davis, owner Open 6 AM to 10 PM 7 days a week |