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Show THH HPi 4 thcj'C men to unlawfully cohabit with the parties mentioned in the indictment for an indefinite period ? If so, why drawing card he used to lie, even in Utah. While denouncing Dreyfus, General Roget broke down and wept. Its a pity some of the Ancient and Unspeakable League of Liars dont break down and tell the truth. Wasj). Abel John is Joshed, says a Tribune headline. It was charitable of the Tribune to call attention to the fact or Abel John would never have know n the difference. ' lightful artLtic charm that a Satsuma vast or a tiffed billy goat would. As to salary, would feel I was robbing the widow and swiping the sponge-cak- e from the orphan if I were to take advantage of your munificence by accepting the too fabulous sum of $3 per week, and would be entirely willing to give you my services for less, and by accepting $1.37 per week would give you an opportunity of not only increasing your donation to the church, pay your butcher and keep up your life insurance, but also to found a home for salesmen and endow indigent a free bed in the cat home. 1 1 fly-pap- er MICKEY MIKE ON THE ELECTION. Over in Manila the little Filipino children have to go to school at 7:30 in the morning. The educational institu-- t ons seem to be run on the early bird theory over there. Some of the Democrats say Barnes is the logical candidate for Mayor. Of course he is. His logic matches that of Fernstrom and the Herald to a shade. sce hv the 'Storm Starter, an th 'imbalmed organ of Dimicracy, that we are are party soon to av an iliction, said Mr. legacy to Pat Murphy, of the waterworks 1 1 department. "So I believe,' said Mr. Murphy, "An who do ye, suppose th Dimmi-crat- s an th Republycans ll put up for Mare?" enquired Mr. legacy. I Its dinnaw," said Mr. Murphy. to tell since Jawa Cue, an Jnwn party har-rPea. an Patrick Henry, and Pill Mack, an th rbt iv the bankhers, an silverites, an giv up the job." "Knight ye are. Pat, might ye are, said Mr. Ilegncy. "I tell yez. Pat, what we want is a man iv th 'our wholl serve th people 1 d ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO SPARE. non-party-sinne- A person, commonly designated a business man, recently inserted an advertisement in one of the daily papers s for a bookkeeper with irreproachable references, and offering the munificent salary of $3 per week. Only one applicant replied tp theadver-tisemenand he wrote as follows : I am a young man, thirty-seveyears of age, having had a business experience of twenty-thre- e years, being connected with the United States Embassy at Madagascar, and feel confident, if you will give me a trial. I can prove my worth to you. I am not only an expert bookkeeper, proficient stenographer and typewriter, excellent operator and erudite college graduate, but have several other accomplishments which might make me desirable. I am s an experienced snowr shoveler, a peanut roaster, have some knowledge of removing superfluous hair and clipping puppy dogs ears, have a medal for reciting Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight, am a skilled chiropodist and practical farmer; can also cook, take care of horses, crease trousers, open oysters and repair umbrellas. Being possessed of great physical beauty, I would not only be useful but would be ornamental as well, lending to the sacred precincts of your office that de first-clas- t, n first-clas- rs ivirv m in it ; a man who knows green frim yellow, and as Pillv OMeary used to say, a man who is not afraid av is wife, or av is convictions. Yez cant make monkeys av th bhoys all th toime, not by a dom site. They do say me f rind Mister Barnes of Kaysvnle is out, but will he iver get in?" Thats the question hes now axing hisself. Barnes is a foine man, an he niver mixed sand wid th sugar, nor took a drapav the craythur in his tny. I knew his wifes uncle in Oirelan, long afore Arthur tought av coming to Salt Lake an th city council. His name was Patsy Doyle, th blacksmith, as foine a man as iver peeted a Barnes boiled potater wid his thumb-naiis a man among th bhoys, an a gir-r- l when iver he gits among th ole women. Hell stan by th laborin man, an sets that he gits into th Salt Palace, providin he can wrur-r- k th gate keeper. He wants to be th guar-dya- n av th peeples rights by bein Mare, an me frind Bookie is willin to bet a horse hell niver be Mare. Its a noble ambishun, Pat, to want to be Mare. I had an attack wanst meself, an I now agree wid me old frind, Bill Shakes-peawon he said. O ambishun, what crimes ave bin committed in thy oly name; thou should be made av a dom site finer stuff. Barnes says, says he, I know', he says, th wants av the peeple, who pay dog taxes, he says. I favor, he says, th min and wTimin, he says, who want to peddle watermelons in pri-mar- y l. r, inter, cucumbers in J uly an August, an squash all ill year round, he says, widout paying a loicense, he says. shame that "I tell ye, Pat, it's a ilir-rta man, whos a frind to hisself, shouldn't be allowed to run if he wants to, providin he aint afraid av bein scratched. "Thin theres me frind Gcorgie, th guar-dva- n av th' peoples roighls, to hind their or tomorroco. Ye know, books in shape-skiPat, Georgies back alley runs roight in to Billy Robertsons, an theyve played marbles so long tgether that actually ye'd take em fer twins, by th same father. Th' boys uses th same rollin' pin an kitchen uthen-silto say nothin of.ating the same sour grapes out av th' same platther. "Bill Gcorgies no pollytishan, Pat; hes what me frind OBryan from Xccbraskah would call a rollicking statesman av th McKinley stroipe. Hes a man who has come up from th' ranks av the tailors, an made suit av clothes he iver wore. hisself th Loike Mulligan's monkey he's cloimbed up the wather chute an got on to th roof. "lies still on the roof, Pat, a throwin bookavs at th ladies, an home-madpies, left out to cool, to th bhoys. Georgie is Pratt would call a what me frind porch climber, or a second story operator. Theres wan thing, Barnes ll git th hist of Georgie, if it iver conies to a show down, said Mr. Murphy. An whats that?" enquired Mr. Heg- th w y n s, fir-r- st e X-R- ay ncy. Th resolooshun av Barnes, intraduccdat th mectin av th city council, said Mr. Mur- phy. see what you mane, said Mr. Hegney. You referr to th propoosition introduced by me frind Barnes, when he said, Resolved, That we clisthribute blankets an top hoots to th Filepeenose. I was at the meetin, Tim, an ye, ought to ave heerd ow Georgie got afther Ferninstrom, th nobby boy from th Thir-rwur-rAn thin Barnes got up, for lie couldnt, sit down, an said the chair is gettin tired of His Majesty llookee Pokey Wankec Fum th Fust, an I want to sav th resolooshun I introduced is past. Deal thin called for the appropriaslnin list, an th next day Barnes says to me, says he, Hegney, d how do yez like me whin I git up? I I didnt sa mebut axed Pat, anything, self th question, what next? I d d. war-rme- Mickey Mike. Dan Loftus has just received a letter from his old friend, Thos. Y. Lane, chief engineer fire department of the city of Manchester, New Hampshire, enclosing a clipping from the Manchester Daily Union containing complimentary mention of The Bees Elks souvenir edition. The letter is very interesting in its descriptions of the changes wrought since Dan trod the streets Chief Lane is an of Manchester. his letter shows him to be one of the best fellows on earth, which, perhaps, ac. counts for his long service at the head of that citys fire department, having joined as call man" in 1S64 after returning from the war and working his way up until he is now serving his twenty-firs- t year as chief engineer. Chief Lane is a thirty-secondegree Ma a of the member ichester Lodge Mason, of Elks and various other orders. old-time- d r, |