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Show Lousy Tippers There is nothing more despicable than a cheapskate tipper. I just don't understand it. Waitpersons in the State of Utah make $2.13 an hour. On a bad day, waitresses and waiters can work an eight hour shift and come away with a miserable twenty dollars to show for , .The Naturei it ronsemmcy. And yet, the road to hell is lined with restaurant customers. I have a friend who is notorious for leaving crummy tips and on those rare occasions when we eat together I have to slip back in to augment his pittance. One time I asked him... "Why do you leave such busy tips? If anybody can afford it, you can." "Why should I subsidize the waitress," he explained. "It's the employer who should be paying her a decent wag?, not me. It's his fault, not mine." But when I ask him about the minimum wage increase he goes through the ceiling. "The government has no business telling employers what to pay. The merchant will pay a fair wage without the government telling him what to do!" Indeed. Anyway, anything less than 20 these days is pathetic And it's so easy to calculate. Tightwads can start leaving their pocket calculators in their pockets. And one other point A twenty per cent tip for a cup of coffee is not acceptable. A waitperson who makes four trips to your table filling your coffee cup has expended about as much time and energy on you as she might for someone ordering a full dinner. It's the dollar minimum rule. And finally, to show I really mean this, if anyone out there ever has to wait on me and I leave less than what I am advocating here, you have my permissbn to drag me out of the restaurant by my feet and slap me silly. penny-pinchi- Consider a gift of a lifetime... ng of Utah Tire Nature Conservancy of Utah must raise $4.6 million by September 1997 to purchase and protect the historic Dugout Ranch, the "gateway" to the Needles entrance of Canyonlands National Park. We need your help to: The Blatant Misuse of Apostrophes This one really frosts my butt Why can't the American public figure out when to use an apostrophe? Is it that hard? There used to be a big sign on US 191 at the La Sal Loop Road junction that said: RACE'S EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT. There isn't supposed to be an apostrophe in 'races.' It's the plural of 'race.' An apostrophe is used in the possessive form of a word or as a contraction. I can't believe I'm giving a fourth grade grammar lesson here, but let me give an example. Since this is the Alien Issue, that word is as good as any. First the contraction: "An alien's best friend is his warp drive." Second, the contraction: "This alien's out of here." That is to say" "This alien (is) out of here. Do you see what I mean? But the most frequently abused and egregious misuse of the apostrophe, the error to be strung up by one's thumbs for, is the possessive form of the word: its. This time there is no apostrophe. If its has an apostrophe, it's being used as a contraction. But nobody can figure it out On MTV, I'm watching the video by ...let me think. ..Guns & Roses? (A fair question might be, why the hell am I listening to Guns k Roses?) But the song title is plastered across the screen: "Every Rose Has It's Thom." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Where's my Uzi? If that were correct the title of the piece would rightly be "Every Rose Has It Is Thom." The big dopes used the contractive form of the word. But it happens every day. I saw it misused on the KSL News one night (and they call themselves 'Specialists.'). I see it regularly in newspapers and magazines, in advertisements. And once on a gas pump at the Maverik Store. Please consider a gift of a lifetime. For more information on the Dugout Ranch Conservation or send Project, please call: contributions to: The Nature Conservancy of Utah. 559 East South Temple. SLC. UT 84102 801-259-46- A public Krvicc HKMKcacat by tbe Zephyr TOM TILL PHOTOGRAPHY MOAB. UTAH OK.. .Let me ask one question... This doesn't mean I'm related to Stiles, does it? Hello??? I know the world has a lot of problems. I know that in the whole scheme of things, a misplaced apostrophe seems like a small burden to bear. But I sense there is more to this than meets the eye. Could we be approaching an Apostrophic Apocalypse? I'm hoping for an Apostrophe Epiphany....thank you. continued on next page 1191: DOWNTOWN 5,000 sq. ft commercial building in C-- 3 zone on 7500 sq. ft loL Price: $150,000. Call Janie to see. 1120: 2.6 acre parcel in scenic area of Rim Rock Road with utilities dose by. Price: $68,900. Call Ludean 1290: IMMACULATE HOME, 5 bdrm. 2 bath on Park Dr.. Price: $117,500. Call Lenore. 1300: FIXER UPPER: 2 bdrm., 1 34 bath. Price: $67,000. Call Janie. 1230: SCENIC VIEWS FROM THIS FIVE ACRES ABOVE MURPHY LANE. 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