Show AN ESSAY ON BOOK BORROWERS BY faustus rA FAUSTUS USTUS among the acknowledged pests pesta of polite so ei ty that stand preeminent pre eminent are bores borca aspon spon and book borrowers the tha greatest most unnatural and most intolerable of which is undoubtedly the latter for the bore you can cut perhaps not without some exertion and difficulty but still you can cut him you may be benot not at home when he calls you may avoid him or you need not listen to him the sponge it is not difficult of disposal when you have learned ilia his wa was y a and habits you can when he liis his pocketbook pocket book with him or happens to have no ther other money about him than a bill of unusual magnitude accidents that frequently occur to him be your self out of change or have nothing with you smaller mailer than a ten or you can get along with him very comfortably by occasionally lending him a trifle but the book borrower you are usually re to cut so unceremoniously as he is for the most part among your intimate friends nor are his demands so on easily satisfied not like the lion fion does he feed merely to satisfy hunger but tiger like is ever ready to pounce upon the un wary or and gorge himself upon the unfortunate victim he follows with gloating and gluttonous eye eve the inviting morsel of literature you are carrein carrying g home with you and marks it for hs own you may heap upon him the richest treasures of your library you cannot satisfy him you may cram crain into his ravenous maw a whole bookstore book store full of publications you cannot glut his insatiable insa tible appetite the social and friendly feeling that exists towards umbrellas though truly deplorable is still endurable for custom has so BO sanctioned the habit of considering them common property that we are quite used to it and can lend one without a sigh though with an inward presentiment that we shall never see it again even if f custom had not thus sanctioned the practice it might be submitted to with a very tolerable grace since becan we can make occasionally a capital exchange as a faded cotton umbrella for a new 0 one no of silk or one with fragile ratan ribs that look like the ribs of death and so leaky that it better resembles a portable shower bath that won t stay up or if it does exhibits an alarming tendency to turn itself wrong swe side out for one closel close firm waterproof water proof and with the well knit whalebone ribs bet bayou you cant lend shabby workout books your handsomest fo lumes are invariably selected nor can one behold the departure of a hand some volume with the same feelings as he can that of an umbrella your professed book borrower is a person of the most peculiar tastes and the most extraordinary likings different book borrowers have different characteristics and although the practice of book borrowing has been most vehement lp ip inveighed inveigh ed against by newspapers yet the book borrower has not to my knowledge received that share of attention from writers to which his position ent ties des him we have digressions gres on fops loafers swells and even y young ladies but he the most pestilent of all pg pests h has as been permitted to roam at will committing his ravages upon the forbearance and good nature of mankind with the utmost impunity I 1 it shall be our text to descant briefly upon the various classes of book borrowers and their peculiarities and we do not undertake it supported by any exalted idea of our ability but by the fact that a long and sad experience an intimate acquaintance acquaint ence with the genus has given us an insight in their nature and a knowledge of their habits that one with talent vastly superior to our own who had not enjoyed the same advantages might not possess and first and perhaps the most prominent is is the wholesale book borrower he has a i most passionate fondness for books though not al I 1 ways for reading them and a taste in literature lera ture wholly unlimited history fiction theology poetry alike seize his atu antion tile the most una likings seem to guide him in his selections sei I 1 I his appearance in your library is to be viewed with the utmost consternation he enters with a very self seir possesses posses sea and make your your self at honne home air and generally with an alarming bluntness comes straight to the point by iti id forming you per perhaps that he wishes to refer to a passage in scotts commentaries and as he is bof quite sure which volume its in thinks he had bad better take the whole six and lie he thinks lie he i would like to run over don juan again and will trouble you for your byron a day or two 1 not that edition if you please as you liand hand down a very decent copy a little worn perhaps I 1 in n hopes of preserving your bist best the type is too small sinal it hurts his eyes would like your other edition the print is so much easier and with a choking sensation of grief you hand him the book or lie he would like to take your webster s dictionary has walkers but it dinst full enough or he has a great fancy to read gibbon again or don quixote or pearson on the creed for he is a man as we have said of universal tastes or scotts novels he glances his covetous eye over your devo i ted fed shelves and exclaims ali ah really I 1 see you have boswelll boswells johnson A ry ost remar kaHe le I 1 book sir air I 1 am told I 1 assure you ou I 1 am highly gratified to see it in your collection as I 1 have I 1 long jong been delirious desi rious of obtain obtaining ning it and while I 1 think of it I 1 will take along your homer A great admirer of homer sir air translated him with wonderful rapidity when at school writ sure that he h remembers the greek letters I 1 yet but would like to look it over for the 1 sake of old associations he considers it quite a matter of course that you are willing to lend I 1 him anything he fancies indeed lie he seems to 1 cherish a vague idea that it affords you the most intense satisfaction when he pounces upon a I 1 J cherished volume your face might wear an expression black as midnight i and he would never perceive it you answer his requests to borrow in the gruffest gruff est of and in your surliest sur liest voice without his observing any unwillingness in in its tone he is tile the most phlegmatic the most obtuse of all book borrowers he would borrow your bible though he knew your eternal welfare depended on your not lending it he wilt impudent but never considers the sacrifices you make him he is honest however he never says he will return your books he lure to vain you may take a last farewell glance of your loved as under his arm he stalks with them from the he room if you knew he lyald read them it might a ai 11 I h 5 I 1 atte e your regret but when he borrow M merely to gratify a habit a whim its almost unendurable yet in other respects ile he may be amiable good hearted and always ready to do you a service and you cannot easily refuse him in fact act you had rather run the risk of loosing your books than of offending ending him and do I 1 err my dear readers in my limn ings inge of the wholesale book borrower do I 1 over exaggerate his oddities or overate operate his greediness would that you did I 1 fancy you will exclaim would that I 1 did say 1 l to tco for I 1 conceive that there is no one among you that has any pretensions to a library who dop slit number among his intimate friends some who make themselves free with it who borrow books they never return and never read and a most unnecessary number of them too another class is the critical As his name suggests he has a critical turn of mind and considers himself rather superior in us criticism to macauly or any one els else 0 iffe he has a vile habit or of er endorsing dorsing those sentences and sentiments that appear to his discerning coddles les remarkable in thick black or of filling up the spaces between the lines with pencil marks expressive of his profound opinions upon the work or will wih suggest some improvements that might he be madl made e ite he will alter a line in in your shakespeare Shak speare which strikes him as being a little lame thereby nir f s r p g aly improving mp roving it or he wiil fill the margins w with i tb interest interesting i g conjectures jec tures as to th proper reading of d doubtful passages nor does he scruple to turn down the gilt edged glossy surfaced leaves at any page that strikes him as worthy of attention it is difficult to decide whether or not he is more tolerable than the wholesale book borrow er true the former returns your books but defaces them and bores you so with his misty opinions of them when he returns them that you would as soon not see them again the third class is the modest his first ap bearance pe arance I 1 11 quite prepossessing and impresses you very forcibly br eilly with the idea that he will he be very careful of your books and return them in a time he begins with an apology for troubling you knows liow low disa disagreeable greable it is to lend books xo no lew few return them has lost many valuable books himself by lending but assures i you that hp he is quite conscientious io about such thinas thins thin as rs hat has suffered too on much by lending not to ref return urn books would like to borrow a certain work you nedd not fear to lend it ahyou may he sure of receiving it in a bayor day or two an old edition will answer his conscientious ions feel ings pleats you vou very much and you profess yourself as indeed you are happy to have it in your power to oblige him its actually refreshing pay bay you to find one that has honor enough to return a borrowed book he gives a modest smile as if in depreciation of his virtue and departs a poli polite te good morning and bow given on each side you seat yourself sm smilingly ili ill n IV by your stove and rubbing your hands isaim cx Saim really theres some virtue in the world in spite of the frailty of our mother eve ev but time jogs jog on without your books being returned and while wondering at the cause your modest friends appears ah A h think you 11 1 I was unjust to mistrust him he is come and has brought the book of course so after a bland ali ah how do you do my dear sir air im glad to see you he begins with 11 1 I did not bring your book but I 1 am certain you will pardon me when I 1 tell you that I 1 laid it on the table a moment bea before ore I 1 left that I 1 might not forget it and by a most remarkable oversight came away without observing it of yu you hint and willingly accede to his request to borrow another next time he will return both but he comes again minus both books and at length a perception of his bis true character dawns upon you and you put him down as the worst of his tribe I 1 say worst for how can one manage such a customer he borrows your books with a reluctance luc tance that seems absolutely painful to him and makes apologies that you cant but accept I 1 while he is so modest aud and seems to feel much a degree of gratitude that you cant refuse to lend to him and let us not in our enumeration pass unnoticed another class which we may term the eco ecolastic latic it is composed principally of young ladies who make it a point of going into sickly transports transport a of delight at bad poetry who roll up their eyes in weak enthusiasm at sparkling sentences te rices who quote byron and shakespeare Shak speare and weep over uncle toms cabin and g give i ve vent to their admiration of bad novels in such ex pres as charming divine delightful fascinating of course they never return yur your books young ladies never do that ilia t and being young ladies you cannot very well ask for them the books instead of giving you your property they give you quotations of the worst wont passages and absurd criticisms upon them then there is the newspaper and periodical borrower he never subscribes to anything II 11 himself lui I 1 he pitches upon your knickerbocker before you have read it he so nuch much r len enjoys joys the editors table he victimizes your london quarterly or Blackwood black woland wo dand and other choice publications in which you indulge yourself he borrows the tribune if you take baile it as he likes to know what s going on and thinks it best to be posted up upon on the news he borrows your Wa waverly too as his family like to read its iti choice stories and sketches and he finds it rattier e r pleasant himself hhuse lf if he returns it it is general ly with wilh a piece of poetry cut out that his datig daughter liter wanted for her scrap bookar the music torn out for her piano all the classes I 1 have mentioned do exist and every village and town has its in each NOT nor is their assurance a whit less than I 1 have described it I 1 am most placid and lamb like in my disposition mr editor and ac customer cus tomed to endure the ills of life with beeam inz inor fortitude hut but my philanthropy has often given way under tinder the numerous provocations pro vocations it has received from the subject of our remarks 1 I have been making for years the most spasmodic efforts to fill a couple of bookcases book cases which in blissful ignorance of the obstacles which would prevent their remaining filled purchased when I 1 fitted up my bachelor apartments yet tet I 1 would be content to relinquish that hope if I 1 could get a chance even to read a new work i orten often fatigued by tile labors of the day revel ling in the pleasant anticipation of a glorious evening a private least of reason and flow of soul have 1 I with a light heart g given ven the fire an all insinuating poke lit my lamps lamp filled my to the brim with wilh prime me tobacco and drawn up to my table on which lay in a rich mass of inor inn rocco and gilt the latest publications or the last novel in modest unpretending brown cover but not less leas unreal and unsubstantial than the light clouds of if smoke that seal float about me prove my anticipations of enjoyment no sooner do I 1 begin to grow oblivious of ter bestial miseries and am re velling in 1 thoughts and noble sentiments or following with aae eager er interest the progress of a well told we than a free and easy tap at the door sends a thrill of anguish to my heart and without waiting an answer in stalks an acquaintance the warm glow thit that pravades pr evades the apartment the fragrant smoke clouds hanging lazily about and the cosy chairs please him upon my word my dear fellow he be 0 ion ayou you live like a prince its quite a remedy for the blues to drop in here prime to baco bac o this I 1 can never get any any decent cbill filling ing a pipe and throwing himself into a A ah h bleak house I 1 declare ive tried all over town to get a copy how far are you in it now really my dear fellow you have such buell a quantity tv of new books that you will have enough to read for a m ianth nth just lend me bleak house for about three days looking lit it his watch and calculating precisely you know I 1 am such a passionate admirer of dickens and I 1 shall actually die of ennui unless I 1 can fit find d something to read wait a short time I 1 reply you shall have the first one after I 1 have finished it libut no he will return it before you want iland he bears it away in spite of you noy now such a state of things as at present exists is abominable so far from being unwilling its a source of actual pleasure to me to me to lend books to those who really wish to read and will return them but its perfectly perfect v exasperating to lend to those who neither return them nor thank you and if they le lose so t them h em wont express even a moderate degree of regret indeed I 1 should advocate book borrowing and book lending if they were only properly carried on for I 1 think that a willingness willin gnes to oblige and a friendly interchange of such favors are among the strongest ties that unite society bemid besides s rendering it more corteous and humane and as a one may possess many |