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Show Pag Five Daily Utah Chronicle May 9, W74 anotheR view mm Obscenity hij Hill After months of charges and countercharges, conflicting leaks to the press, and rumors that their work would extend far into next year, the Utah Blue Ribbon Committee on Moral Decency has surprised us all by announcing that its long awaited Definitions of Obscenity in the Beehive State will be made public at the end of this month. Already, the popular press refers to the massive document as the "Dirty-Dirt- y List." The committee's list of obscenities, compiled as a result of the recent Supreme Court ruling that places the job of handling obscene acts and objects in the hands of local communities, should prove helpful to all Utah citizens worried about keeping their Ijehavior within the limits of popular acceptance. The list should be especially interesting to professional sociologists and psychiatrists, because it reflects local notions of "normalcy" while codifying sanctioned behavior. The list of unacceptable acts and things will soon be abridged from the original twelve-volum- e edition set to a pocket-size- d containing only those obscenities deemed most offensive. This small paperback will then be distributed to all police officers and be placed on sale throughout the state. Rumors confirm that st ar tnek ARIES: Boycott all classes held indoors. TAURUS: A summer workshop in something that interests you is available. Check into it. GEMINI: Working on a road gang this summer would be kinda hip, but remember what happened to Cool Hand Luke. CANCER: Learn to be more imaginative in your profanity. Reliance on one or two expletives is stultifying. LEO: Don't attach too much significance to the way you make money. Your happiness isn't bought and sold. VIRGO: Stop playing around and go for the quick kill. LIBRA: Stop blubbering and save the whale. SCORPIO: Ask your parents why you have to wear tights and what that silly space ship is doing in the basement. SAGITTARIUS: Buy a big You're case. trophy going to start winning soon. CAPRICORN: Mix the old with the new. Have a beer. AQUARIUS: Looking out the windows and sighing won't help. You're stuck inside. PISCES: You are well known, in the Biblical sense of the word. red-and-bl- of compromise the work, reflecting a permeates the spirit willingness growing of liberal conservative and elements in Utah to put aside differences wherever possible for the betterment of the State as a w hole. This may lead to an era of progressive reform in our state. We have learned through so-call- informed committee sources w hat some of the new definitions w ill le. Although w e readers our to carefully urge examine (one might say fondle) at least the abridged version of the document when it is published, here are some of the definitions we have as results of committee leaks: 1. "Photographs of individuals either male or the opposite sex, taken when the individual stands near a fountain of water more than three feet high, are obscene when the fountain is clearly visible and turned-on.- " 2. "Although public elevators going up may contain males and females, it is obscene, unnatural of obscenity and generally tasteless for elevators to contain both sexes when going down." 3. "The newly erected ZCMI department store facade in Salt Lake City is hereby declared &AiLy Haines are told this was made by compromise conservative elements in an effort to w in support from lileral obscene." artists lounge (We the on definition. following " Representatives of 4. Women's Liberation groups, speaking in public places, are obscene when they seem threatening to male members of the audience." 5. "The words "rake", "backlash" ball" "eight "wall "torpedo," plug," "venireman," "outstrip," "urology," "jazz," and "neoprene" are declared obscene and unfit for language use." There are a number of other leaked "dirty-dirties- " we could we fear but that we here, publish ourselves might be charged on an obscenity rap if we printed them in English. The complete twelve-volum- e set of definitions will be placed at the reserved reading desk in the Marriott Library for students and faculty to examine for proper conduct. Those wishing to examine the set must produce proof they are twenty-on- e or older. Women will not be permitted to read the text , of course. TOW'S I II SPECIAL, BEER LOOPITCHER JT- m C - S SW3 pMij joy GAME ROOM DANCING QUADRAPHONIC S0UND 3064 HIGHLAND DR. utah chRonicLe Published daily, except during test week, by the Publications Council of the University of Utah. The opinions expressed on the editorial pages of the Daily Utah Chronicle do not necessarily represent the views of the studentbody or the University administration. Subscription rates $4.00 a quarter or $12.00 for the school year. Send check or money order to the Daily Utah Chronicle, north wing of the Union Bldg., University of Utah, Salt Lake City, Utah 84112. ASUU & Pioneer. Memorial Theatre present John Cullum in THE KING May 9 and June I 1 Fifty cent tickets available May 9, 10, 23 Mat. Mayl8 Box Office is open from 10:00-6:0- 0 you pay half price at Diamond Mart &Kfr $28800 The diamond Mart 2540 So. State 28(5 So. Main 1 (fe |