KA KATHLEEN NORRIS breaking with post past brings woe M itty Y PROBLEM Is that ot of ray my husbands daughter writes an iowa woman but for fay everything in my life would be perfect van is truly a kind patient good and generous man and we have a two year old daughter amy who Is idolized by us both fay Is 14 a tall strong girl who in the three years of our marriage has never been anything but difficult impudent unmanageable lazy unhelpful and lately showing a dangerous independence it if I 1 ask her to open a door or answer the telephone she says oh heck and moves so slowly that I 1 usually get there before her cannot trust her she has a brother of 10 a darling boy but the mother kept him she also has married again and handed this girl over to me far from being any help I 1 have to pick up after her and see that her clothes land and her room are kept in some sort of order we cannot trust her even to sit with amy if we wish to go out for twice on these occasions she has gone off she says for a few minutes only to see a friend what makes it especially hard bard for me the letter goes on is that my husband is completely under fays thumb she can tell him anything and he only laughs and agrees he constantly says to me that the poor kid never has had a break which is nonsense she has everything we have and more clothes than I 1 have I 1 have tried gentleness tried to be patient tried to advise it is all no use it does seem hard to me that she says oh he heck c 7 just this one thing this one person stands in the way ot of my complete happiness van and I 1 loved each other for two years before either one would make the break of divorce there was nothing shameful or secret about our affair we considered it soberly made our decision after long ion g thought my husband and I 1 had been living apart for some years van and his wife were utterly out of sympathy and her subsequent marriage proves I 1 think that she did not long consider herself injured surely self respecting self sup porting adults have the right to adjust their lives to happier lines hurting nobody and winning tor for themselves a more balanced and wider outlook suzanne demands pathetically in conclusion child has rights too well suzanne perhaps t they h e y have but you dont give the full picture here you dont mention in this summary of what intelligent adults have the right to do that a little girl of 14 has her rights too fay knew her mother preferred her brother to herself she knows she is superfluous and unloved in her new homo home you are not her mother and your well meant scold ings and reminders and demands tall fail upon a young sensitive heart that already feels itself rejected by all her world except dad divorce never solves halt half as many problems as there are problems that follow divorce there Is simply no end to the difficulties that women get themselves into when they break with the past the vows the young love the first homemaking horne making the first baby these everyday human expert ances cut far deeper into our hearts into our whole spiritual and mental makeup make up than we know many an angry and perhaps justifiably angry and disillusioned lusio ned woman imagines that just to be free of matrimonial ties just not to have to argue with bob ever again would be heaven on earth but the complications that arise often make the old bondage seem infinitely preferable to the new in this particular case I 1 would advise suzanne to bide her time just to wait fay will be of a mar ria gable age in a few years and will be oft off her hands this isbit like the problem of a troublesome mother in law a helpless old grandmother an incurable invalid many women have those burdens burden s to carry fay will either grow into useful womanhood or she wont dont fret about it if she leaves her room in a mess let it stay that way put as much of the responsibility as you can on the indulgent father be an innocent bystander I 1 to 0 their arguments shut your eyes to the fact that he permits her ex trava gances you dream of and shut your ears to impudence tolerance and amusement and a sweet tempered refusal to accept any responsibility for fay once she has rejected your advice will go much further than rigid anxiety and suspicion and criticism in a few years shell be out of the picture and meanwhile since her own father and mother are the only ones really concerned save your nerves in every way you can