Show the rogues 9 gallery N it III chooses to run isun P 3 Z e give them a month they will spend it in the shops then the make the shopkeepers give it back to the government cy by JOHN LARDNER AN AC N OPEN letter to party chairmen h a I 1 r rn e n presidential delegates and also to whom it may concern address unknown sir I 1 will come to the point at once my hat bat is in the ring for the next presidential nomination the sooner I 1 have your indorsement endorsement indor the better for this great stricken republic of ours which I 1 trust you love as m much uch as I 1 do even though election is four years away I 1 will match my love of my country with any mans at catch weights I 1 love her rocks and rills her woods and hills her constitution ution her history her climate her employed her unemployed h her er taxpayers tax payers and also her tax ex empt I 1 love the people ot of america black white yellow and red note to check size and distribution of indian vote if any but our great nation is tottering on the brink of destruction into which she will certainly fall it if you elect any of the present democratic and republican candidates I 1 do not say for certain that I 1 can save her for I 1 am fundamentally modest but I 1 can have a darn good try note to voters believe use of strong word like darn justified in circumstances I 1 am a mans man on the record my program is not a new deal or an old deal or a deal off the bottom it is the SQUARE DEAL I 1 know about the square deal 1 I learned about it in the greatest school in the world the school of hard knocks note to heirs and bankers but I 1 appreciate the im of having a to work with dont misunderstand me fellows the voters are familiar with ray my record it might be a good idea however to mention some of my personal beliefs and characteristics charac characters teris t acs ics my smile is quiet but steady one of the best allaround all around smiles in public life it has been with me almost as long as my faithful cook wi 23 years and my wife 30 years without a spat friends say that my quiet but steady smile hides a lot of deep thinking and homi homely philosophy they are too kind I 1 have been lucky in my friends friend S I 1 love to fish boy how I 1 love to fishl fish I 1 football is a grand game too and baseball builds character I 1 follow baseball jimmy foxx hit 35 home runs last year I 1 am dry personally but I 1 do not mind people taking a drop now no and then in moderation I 1 am no prig still the dry movement was a lovely movement lovely people in it too that win will be enough about myself its not a favorite topic with me and my friends say that they practically have to burn the soles of my feet to make me talk in the first person I 1 have been lucky in my friends now for the ISSUES A great deal is at stake in this campaign the man who dodges ISSUES is guilty of bad faith the public deserves the truth first there is the matter of TAXES greed an ugly thing I 1 do not propose to soak the thrifty who have toiled so long to put away a few dollars vs a rainy day nor do I 1 propose to soak the laborer who lives from hand to mouth god bless him the rich should not be soaked many of my best friends are rich people I 1 am not in the pay of rod russia on the other hand there is a lot to be said for russia in the right places and I 1 guess some people are too rich only its not richness rich nes so much as greed entrenched greed the phrase I 1 want entrenched greed is an ugly thing any way you look at it and soak is an ugly word I 1 do not plan to soak the rich or the thrifty or even the poor my tax program might be called the SOAK NOBODY program it is eminently practical A glance at my record will show that I 1 balanced the budget of the osco county dog pound in three successive terms as a dogcatcher dog catcher incidentally I 1 love dogs I 1 only caught caugh t them through a sense of public duty there is just one way to balance a budget take your mean norm of income over a period of seven years divide it by the net profit quotient N P Q and subtract your dividend in this way you get 1034 times the nations taxable wealth and it is a simple matter to divide by 1034 my secretary of the treasury will be a man who can not only divide but also recite the multiplication tables wi out a peek at the back of the book in short COMMON SENSE will balance the budget I 1 soak nobody old age security As for power I 1 say CONSERVE it conserve it and use it properly proper ly controlled natural power in this country is quite a thing next to power and taxes there is one great issue in this campaign that is the issue of the OLD FOLKS by OLD FOLKS I 1 mean people over forty one they have struggled and sweated for us until the their ir bones are weary and their hair is spar sparse se and gray are they not entitled to a month for the rest of their lives why certainly and I 1 can show you how to give it to them I 1 am not going to have any starving old folks on my conscience or any high school kiddies either every high school kiddie under the age of 17 is entitled to 20 a week or its equivalent in tobacco every venerable toil worn wom oldster over the age of forty one is entitled to a month unless he or she I 1 L a convicted murderer I 1 have no patience with MURDERERS and HORSE BEATERS but I 1 have all the sympathy in the world for old folks and high school kiddies and here is is my PLAN give them a month they will spend it in the shops then make the shopkeepers give it back to the government this will necessitate a DOLE for the shopkeepers and no dole is too good for the shopkeepers ei either because they are the backbone of this country they and the farmers farm problem overlooked the farm problem has been completely misunderstood by the administration and by the republican party the farmer is rn en honest and human fellow all he wants is a fair shake I 1 will suspend all mortgages on farms and pay the mort gage holders out of the federal treasury the treasury will be steadily replenished by the C 1 I F constant increase in funds the interest on the C I 1 F alone will take care of the national debt As for FOREIGN RELATIONS I 1 favor a wise and thoughtful blend of the monroe doctrine and the league of nations the great jefferson expressed my feelings in a nutshell when he said pick up any 2 pp ap of any jefferson speech above everything else let me assure you of my staunch disapproval of war amounting almost to a prejudice in the words of the great sherman war is hl H l 1 let us avoid it and to this end let us develop our army navy air force etc it if anybody threatens our peace let us hammer the tar out of him war is if I 1 C 0 bell syndicate service |