Show Ask A Specialist by Utah State University Extension HOW CAN WE KEEP THE SPARK IN OUR MARRIAGE ? Answer by: Tom Lee USU Extension Family and Human Development Specialist Keeping love and romance alive in a marriage doesn't require frequent vacations or weekend getaways Couples who still feel the glow in their marriage are those who have nurtured the friendship that is the basis of all happy marriages According to John Gottman's book "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" the determining factor in whether wives feel satisfied with the sex romance and passion in their marriage is by 70 percent the quality of the couple's friendship For men the determining factor is by 70 percent the quality of the couple's friendship So he concludes men and women come from the same planet after all Consider these tips for the marital strengthening friendship Stay in touch with each other Be aware of daily events in each other's lives Be aware of how your spouse thinks and feels Set aside a regular time each day to talk about the simple things of the day whether it"s visiting on the phone or spending 15 minutes each evening holding hands and talking Show appreciation One of the greatest needs we have is to feel appreciated Most of us do well at saying thanks or giving compliments for the obvious things To be truly appreciative however we need to notice the less obvious things Learn to say thanks for the invisible work (things that only get noticed when they don't get done) such as expressing appreciation for a drawer full of clean clothes or a Tell car that is well maintained your spouse you are grateful for her or him After practice you will develop the appreciation habit Show kindness Doing little things for each other is simple It is yet it is often overlooked especially hard to be kind when a spouse has been critical or unkind toward us It is human nature to be less kind in return But kindness is catching Your kind words and actions can bring out kindness in your spouse Try doing simple unselfish things for your spouse such as listening with patience helping with a task when he or she is busy avoiding an angry reply or apologizing for something you said Leave a love note on your spouse's pillow or in a lunch sack send a card in the mail or give a small gift for no special occasion Be understanding When a spouse is feeling down or upset we can listen and offer support rather than minimizing feelings or offering advice about what he or she should do Listen with full Give a simple attention greatd isappointing" Learn your spouse's love language One language is telling our spouse we love them Another is showing them by our actions Most people like to be told and shown in different ways at different times Find out which means the most to your spouse Make time for fun Having fun together is essential to keeping the spark in a marriage With the many things vying for our time it often takes planning Try new things and shake up the miliar patterns Make a list of activities you'd like to do Trade lists with your spouse Choose one thing from your spouse's list and have your spouse choose one from yours Schedule the activities and make them a priority Laugh When you first dated you probably laughed together a lot You can still add humor to life each day Humor can help a marriage over the rough spots Share jokes or funny stories Rent a funny movie and watch it together Make each other laugh like you did when you were dating Balance being a parent with being a partner Parenthood can bring special demands and challenges to the marriage including fatigue increased time de- mands increased financial pressures differing ideas about how to parent unequal involvement in parenting and unequal division of household labor For this can result wives especially in feeling unappreciated and resentful and most wives report a decline in their marital happiness after becoming mothers But one recent study found that about 33 percent of women experienced an increase in marital satisfaction upon becoming a mother This was not d ue to having an easy baby working or not working nursing or - it was based on whether the husband became a true partner in parenting For a marriage to continue to grow a man must become a father as well as a husband To foster this wives can recognize the father's role and not exclude him from child care Husbands can give their wives a break by coming home early from work when possible or couples can alternate childcare on Saturday mornings Husbands can share the work The wife often does the majority of the daily drudge work which can leave her feeling resentful When she feels the husband is doing his share she is happier and couples report a more satisfying sex life Two other factors are also important — whether the husband does his jobs without being nagged and whether he is flexible enough to do some of his wife's jobs if she can't A solid marital friendship is a buffer against the problems that arise in marriage No marriage will be totally free of d ifferences and setting out to fix everything that's not perfect is an impossible task Couples are happier when they focus on the good in of your acknowledgement spouse's feelings with an "Oh" or "I see" Check to see if you've understood by saying such their marriage and in their things as "You're feeling upset spouse When the friendship is ? Is that right?" Show because good it is easier to do that And understanding with comments when the friendship is solid and such as "I didn't know that's couples are happy in the marhow you felt" or "That must riage differences and problems don't seem to matter as much have been awful or exciting ApriI31J2QQ4JSunM£s3 Guest Editorial Dettinger Offers Congratulations Dear Citizens of Sanpete County First of all I would like to be the first to publicly congratulate Mark Anderson for his huge vicRetory and selection as the sole publican candidate for Sanpete County Commissioner and pledge my full support behind him through the November General Election Secondly I would like to thank Max Call and Bridget Olson for having nominated me as a candidate at the convention and a special thanks to those who stood behind me I would also with their votes like to thank all of the delegates who stood for Mark You spoke your voice and it was heard loud and clear and that is what makes this a great nation one that our forefathers laid their lives down for Now I would like to share my thoughts with you about this most crucial state convention hear which is up and coming rumblings throughout the county that many are not supSenator Leonard porting Gratitude to Sanpete Residents County one where the arts will be enjoyed by hundreds of thousand of people for years to come Finally this past session he able to us and has always quickly responded to our beckoned call She has been a key asset to us in the roads grazing Cannon is pushed legislation which and water issues our truly in a key position to help us passed that county from a Class 3 back to a actually move ahead in the NarClass 4 county This was vital to rows project a battle which Sanour hxal budget The classificapete has been fighting for over tion took place in the year 2000 62 years All of the cards in the when we exceeded 18000 deck are aligned for a key vicle pushed the populapeople tory in this most vital issue tion limit up to 35000 people Again I have nothing against the other candidates but to lose giving us a few more years in the In laymen lower classification his seniority and the respect he terms this allows us to spend has earned in the I louse will be general fund tax dollars on law devastating to our county I'm enforcement where as in the sure the other candidates would Class 3 status we were only alserve us well but it will take lowed to pay for law enforcethem years to gain the trust and ment and a few other services respect that we currently have there now solely from taxes derived from In closing I would truly exproperties in the unincorporated areas of our county which didn't hort our state delegates to careeven come close to covering fully consider my words before those costs especially when going to the state convention on over 70 of our law enforceMay 8 and would ask every citiment services are spent within zen in Sanpete County to find cities out who your slate delegates are incorporated I am not and make sure we do not move saying that Representative Darren Peterson is not a backwards or slow down Even good man it is just that it will though the people have spoken take him Blackham of Moroni mostly beyears in office to in regards to me hope thit you cause you feel he has not been earn the respect status and leadwill pay attention and follow my As an educator ership roles that Senator last bit of council I would like to say thank you myself I will tell you that I un- Blackham currently has Senaderstand why he in some cases tor Blackham serves in the most to all those who elected me into had to vote in a manner that ap- powerful position in the Senate office four years ago giving me At as the Chairman of the Senate peared to be the state and national levels in Appropriations Committee Now to another key race that the political arena you have to have leam to pick your battles and of Congressman Cannon worked very closely with him you have to give to get Let me just explain three critiover that past three plus years cal things that Senator Blackham have been to Washington on has done for our county First three occasions and in all three Green River - The Board of he pushed legislation which crecases without an appointment Acne Pedicures Exfoliations Waxing ated a special defense fund helping us to have monies for criminal prosecutions at the GunniMost people don't son Prison realize that if an inmate attacks and kills another inmate there our county picks up the tab for prosecution which could cost millions of dollars As a county we pay a minimal amount each year in the fund and the state backs us and will cover the excess costs in such a case Next Senator Blackham played a key role in the funding of the new Eccles Performing Arts Center by far the nicest cility ever built in Sanpete Public Notices SAUNA CITY PUBLIC NOTICE Public notice is hereby given that the Salina City Council will be City Counholding a cil Meeting on April 28 2004 at 7:00 pm at the Salina City Hall 90 West Main Salina Utah An agenda will be posted 24 hours prior to the meeting sBrenda Malmgren Salma City Recorder Published in the Salina Sun on April 21 & 28 2004 he took time to see me On one occasion he actually missed his weekend flight home in order to spend time with my family and me discussing the issues of Sanpete County In the case of our other representatives in Washalways had to have an ington appointment and I always had to visit with their aides not the themselves Congressman Cannon's local representative Peggy Harris is always avail- - Follow the Crowd Subscribe to the Salina Sun or Gunnson Valley News Today!435-528-- Only 3 Utah State Parks and Recreation meets Friday May 7 in Green River Utah Topics to bo discussed include changes to vehicle (Of IV) permits the use of snowmobiles and OUVs for ice fishing in Utah 595 N Main Centerfield the basement of Triple L Transport ) ??X7Yt Ulczlft Redmond Irrigation & Buildings John Johnson &£K(t3)Sftl2!7 hr (ta)S25 " The choice is simple I I WE CAN SUPPLY ALL OF YOUR IRRIGATION NEEDS SURFACE & UNDERGROUND Respectfully Dettinger Sanpete County Commissioner Greg State Parks and fees for the gar- dens at Utah Field House of Natural listory State Park Museum The public is welcome to attend a public meeting beginning at 9 a m at the John Wesley Powell Museum hxated at 885 East Main Street in Green River Advertising in the newspaper is like adding fertilzer to your soil! Call the Salina Sun and Gunnison Valley News for ideas that will help your business grow! 111 $20 for ONE YEAR! Work Day on Centerfield’s Old Rock Church will take place on April 24 inning at 9 am 20 (In our economic development along with all of the other tough issues facing our county I have never been a quitter and I will work right up to the midnight hour Thank you Sanpete God Bless America and God Bless Sanpete County permits ice fishing to be discussed at Parks meeting Treatments OFF All Pedicures In April Call Today For Your Appointment! Bruce "listen first think second then speak" I hope I can further develop that quality for myself Finally I pledge my service for these last 8 months of my term and promise to further promote and OHVs IE REVE DAY SPA Facials Chemical this wonderful opportunity to serve you I have been the benefactor of this opportunity Having had the opportunity to serve with the Honorable Bruce Blackham Eddie Cox and most recently Claudia Jarrett I have been blessed I consider each will forever one a dear friend remember the challenges we have faced and the battles we fought in behalf of the citizens of this great county will miss working with you I hope Sanpete realizes what great individuals and leaders they are I am forever grateful for what I have learned especially from he weather permits the old shingles will be torn off and debris will be picked up from the area Bring your gloves! Everyone is welcome to help! See You There! Call Debbie Hansen at Centerfield City 528-329- 6 for more information |