Show argoe searel Se EREL S ase the ordinary political convention la a collection of wild animals whose an bics tics are extremely amusing but abao cutely without form and old nothing outside of a cage full of monkeys can present such an example of futile activity each delegate Is duly ticketed and loaded with his proper credentials and fondly imagines that he really Is of some importance la the gathering that Is he does it ho is a green hand if he Is a seasoned campaign er ho knows that he merely represents the people and the chairman and secretary of the convention rep resent the delegates and the boss es represent the chairman and sec detary dy means of this sliding scale of actual power it will be seen that the bosses represent the people it was my deep delight to have at tended a number of political colvea alons the will of the people stood about deuce high in the political deck the will of the bosses was always the ace and it could be and was turned from the bottom or top just as the emergencies demanded imagine a long low rakish hall the atmosphere a wavy blue with tobacco smoke aisles are cut through to tho platform generally three in number to admit of committees on this that and the other to go forward to the platform and hand in their cut and dried communications the different wards and districts are ranged about the hall each with its particular spot to stay in like checkers on a board before the game begins many of thee the e delegates are in their shirt sleeves and many are talking wildly gesticulating powerfully and in ways molding the destinies of their country the very few mho are not smoking are choking on the platform are two tables at which the chairman of the convention bits he having been chosen by the powers that be he Is a mere puppet in their hands understanding what they want and at any and all times ready to carry out their wishes the secretary Is a mere echo the assist ant secretaries mere assistant echoes two or three highly respectable stoughton bottles of various titles sit on the stage to deceive the gent observer into the belief that things are on the square A pitcher of water Is on the ch airmans desk tor he will open the convention with a speech in that speech he will glori ty the proud history of his own party and skin salt and nail to the political smokehouse the hide of the opposite party this Is a species of buncombe which Is always indulged in sometimes a convention Is opened with prayer this is something which cannot be touched on at length for the devil himself could not conceive a more grotesque blasphemy most con vent lons are opened with political jimmies being burglarious alons brought together for purposes of plundering men of their political rights the chairman has bis speech carefully learned by heart and he Is invariably eloquent pungent witty scholarly terse dense flowery and long winded but he finally subsides and then after the committees reports and the platform are finished and some more political red tape la gotten through with the work of nominating candidates Is begun but before the convention has reached the point of being ready to vote there have been a number of battles fought to a finish before the various commit tees on credentials in certain wards of the cities or certain districts in the country there may be a dispute about some dele gates these claiming the right to rep resent the people those putting in a counterclaim tor recognition in such cases contests are begun and the respective claims thrashed out be fore the committee on credentials which have the power to review cheso disputes in the various districts or wards no one but the contestants and the committee and the other delegates are allowed in the committee rooms in these contests it being a sort of tarn lly affair usually the contests aro determined according to the way the bosses want them to be decided but it it matter about a vote or two the bosses allow the corn to do as they please evidence Is beard speeches are made and the committee picks the winner the bosses keep accurate tab on the number of votes they need but are ready to achieve results by any means they consider necessary one unseated delegate rushed madly up to a boss on tha floor of the con and screeched out what d ye mean by me out there aln t no contest on me at all the boss looked smilingly down at the CHICAGO W WILDES HW fiery face of his questioner sur mounted by its bright red covering ot locks and responded easily gracefully and most urbanely 1 I dont like the color of your hair and the delegate remained unseated men were let out of their delegations for any or m reasons the only question was to hav eithe majority or at least the loud est and most pugnacious minority this latter with the able aid of the chairman and the secretary will ena ble any combination to jam through the nomination of their candidates supposing for instance that smith is the candidate the bosses want and jones the opposition candidate the seventh ward wo will say is called on and the chairman of the del degation roars out fourteen votes for jones and one tor smith an assiat ant secretary repeats to the main sec detary fourteen votes for smith an 1 one for jones and it is so recorded the chairman from the seventh ward may think the vote of his delegation has been recorded properly some times when things appear to be run nang too close they will not even give the opposition candidate any cotef until the bosses candidate Is sate any motion tor a roll call Is gavelek gaveled down by the chairman and the ser geanes at arms always chosen by the bosses are eager to eject any obstreperous patriot who begins any jargon about his rights to gavel down a motion is simply to hammer on the table with the gavel and proclaim that a motion has been carried or defeated just as you want it to go in this way no matter what the majority Is the bosses and the chairman and secretaries can thwart the will of any convention un less the convention splits and a bolt Is started to bolt Is to leave the hall organize a separate convention and proceed as though the other convention was not in existence this Is a last resort and Is seldom done delegates are timid and rarely have any independent action they may fume in private but they take the gaff in public party fealty party cohesion party this that and the other weighs on them and makes them cowards for the most part the delegates hope to get some crumbs from the party table and they fear to revolt knowing well they will be marked men with the organization oh potent phrase the organization there Is the ward organization the county organization the state or the national alon all inextricably linked and welded together and the national corn can put his finger on a garbage wagon driver in a remote ward and separate him from his job if the driver doean doesn t do exactly as he Is told it a a beautiful system don t imagine that it Is not perfected so far as it can be occasionally some fossil of galvanized into spasmodic ac alon by something particularly brazen on the part of the powers that run the convention will get up from the plat form where he Is supposed to be acquiescent to the program and start the animals by a fiery diatribe against the bare faced robbery going on unde ahls very nose at such a time it Is really delightful to see the perfect respect in which his remarks are bened to by the chairman and the bosses ills remarks may be bunc aured by cheers by the malcontents tn the delegates seats but the strong arm contingent governed by the bosses sits quietly until he fires his broadside then possibly a boss gets up or the chairman gets in a happy remark or two and there Is a thunder roll of applause from tho bosses gang the respectable gen aleman has simply talked for the pleasure of having his cerebellum vl brate he might as well have recited mary had a little iamb our ward stood eight to seven in one convention and our chairman an bounced it correctly he was an op ot mine but he did not try to change the vote but when the vote was announced from the stage it was 15 for ahe other side several ot us yelled bloody murder at the steal but bless you that convention went right ahead with its business as easily as it seven men standing upright in their seats and howling mister chairman mister chairman was a mere tableau and nothing that concerned the convention in the remotest degree dy the way convention oratory Is divided into two kinds the turned loose and the squelched tho bosses and the chairman have their eyes on their own orators and very little latitude is allowed the opposition jaw smiths it is laughable to watch the frantic gyrations of somo silver tongued word juggler especially if he be a young man who Is trying to get the chairman a eye in order to let off a philippic against the chairman s tyranny his companions may hoist him high on a chair where he bal alcea himself precariously while he shrieks and trotha troths like something stricken with hydrophobia but the chairman goes placidly on twenty second ward 18 for smith is the announcement when in fact the announcement was just the other way this raises a counter irrl tant and the second w ard dele gallon goes on the karpath warpath but tush the use the game goes merrily on and at last the youthful orator is let down from his pinnacle and expends his energy in loud talk la his immediate vicinity until some low gentleman advises him to cut it out at the same time casting a perfectly annihilating look in his direction the old stagers always enjoy thesa interludes they smile grimly get a fresh grip on their cigars and eleveta the eeds in a skyward angle they keep watchful cognizance when their wards are about to bo reached and it chairmen rise in scantly at the word shout clearly tho vote and whether it be recorded right or wrong they settle down stoically into the attitude of mere spectators far be it from them to holler it the cards are stacked against them they would do the same it they had the power the other fellows have the whip hand to day when it shifts they will give their opponents the same dose but to cavort around on the floor walling out not tor them they are too wise to resort to such puerile foolishness nothing can exceed the perfect re pose which marks the proceedings aa relates to the officers and head men who have it in charge there Is not i shadow of a smile on the counte bances nances of the chairman and his assist ants and the bosses move around on the floor of the convention or as bend to the platform with an ena ely serious and virtuous air which would indicate extreme self sacrifice and the most absolute fairness to their opponents dut the business is concluded over the cigars and cocktails these genial gentlemen will unbend and re late delightedly and with rare humor the amusing comedies played on the convention floor they have kemem bared the very voices and gestures of the reformers and patriots they can imitate and perfectly the surprised scream of the plundered delegation or the stentorian yawp of the hard boiled orator they enjoy these things with the gusto of the connoisseur the political bon vivant but at the hall and in the midst of the carnage they are is suave as panthers and as remorse less as cannibals everything goes in politics Is their motto that la everything bt b t honesty coming back from my last political convention I 1 met jack derby in the smoker jack was from the ward next to mine and I 1 had missed him just before the voting began I 1 had noticed a stranger in his seat when I 1 came in rather late but still in time to vote jack was moody and his head was done up in a gaudy handkerchief what s up I 1 said to him 1 I dlan t see you when the votes were being cast they me out was his reply 1 I went over to see a friend 0 mine in the fourteenth and when I 1 got back to me seat they was a guy thera in it I 1 grabbed him and he caught hold of me arms the sarge sergeant at arms came up an this guy gives him the wink an saya this feller s a pick pocket before I 1 could hand him one the sarge grabs me he s seven feet long and four feet through and he wings me to the door in four jumps and fires me by the neck and pants see an I 1 lose me vote an I 1 don t get in the hall again tough jack was my consolatory sol atory reply tough said mr derby with an injured air an I 1 was coln to vote right all the time I 1 think that sergeant must be bugs ERNEST copyright by joseph B bowles S t J 1 tf S x SI ts ft ag |