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Show We have been much amused at the story of the little Scotch girl who came late to school one morning. She explained that a new baby had arrived arriv-ed at the home that morning. "Ah," said the teacher, with a smile, "And vasn"t your papa pleased with the new baby?" "No, sir; my father is wa' in Edinburgh Edin-burgh the noo, an' disna ken about it yet; but it was a guid thing ma mither was at home, for gin she had been awa' I wadna hae kent wat tae dae wi't." It is presumed this wee Scotland lassie, in common with many another small girl, was told that her little brother was left on the doorstep in a big basket, deposited on the hearth, via the chimney, by the stork, or donated by some kind fairy who had Juliet wouldn't permit Romeo to swear by the changeful moon. Presumably Pre-sumably she feared it was made of green cheese, or smearcase! In some countries an oath is taken upon the sword. Americans solemnly swear by the Holy Bible. When in a young and nebulous state we were prone to swear by "Honest Injun," "Across our heart," or "Hope to die!" In historic days, however, there was even less of uniformity, and some of the alternatives to impress the sworn were original. We recall ' an incident in the history of Normandy. The English and the Normans were busily engaged at this time making epochs for high school geographies. The reporters and the historians were working day and night and having their coffee brought to them. In a moment of distraction the Saxon King Harold permitted William of Normandy to get him hors du combat. com-bat. While the horse was on Harold Rill h.J oil -u . .. babies to give away to those who were good. And when they arrive, these blossoms blos-soms of Humanity, they are not overly productive of admiration from the little ones who have preceded them. They look more like boiled lobsters than "dear, cute little brothers," or sisters. Time works wondrous changes In the "kid" however. He weaves his meshes of affection about all members mem-bers of the household, broadening their views and incidentally narrowing narrow-ing their sleep. He is always in drowsy land when: "Wee Willie Winkie rins through the toun. Up stairs and doon stairs in his nicht-goun, nicht-goun, Tirlin- at the window, cryln' at the lock. 'Are the weans in their bed? for It's now ten o'clock.' " but, he is ever awake at 2 in the morning, howling "for fair." 'Tis said a married man never misses either of two things In a dark room a camet iuc uiu ounes ana relics of the Norman monasteries collected and placed In a chest. This chest of aueer antiquities and ghost-remnants was deposited in the council chamber cham-ber and covered with a glad robe of gold. Then while Willie held an ax carelessly, the quaking Harold was told to get down on his marrow bones and swear as he had never sworn before. be-fore. Keeping his eye on the ax, and mentally measuring its keenness, Harold swore to help put the lid of . England on the crown of William's head. When he had exhausted his program pro-gram of promises he was asked to stand near the eolden rith wt,Q tack or a piece of IJmburger cheese! We subscribe to the saying". But no matter where the baby does come from, we never, never wish him back, and, sometimes, when he is recalled to that bourne from whence he came, the sunshine of life goes away with him and will not return until years have sanctified the heart and let the sunlight percolate again. 55 5 The man who insists that the world owes him a living is usually a very poor collector! As time goes on apace he is apt to be found in the front parlor par-lor of a livery stable playing checkers with others of the world's creditors the lid of the chest was raised and Harold's eyes fell upon the sacred relics of Normandy's honored dead, the sanctity of Ms-ocths cut a deep swath in his heart and it not until a yearafterward thathe had the ,feartvto break thetS. J v- As a boy we understood the most exacting oath to be that one "which was writ in blud!" and many a time have we gone so far as to prick our finger with a pin to secure the necessary neces-sary equivalent! But those were the good old days of yesteryear, several times, and today to-day the most solemn oath we make is to our wife. We swear in all solemnity sol-emnity not to be out later than 1 a. m., and, strange to say, this oath Is gilt-edged. Experience has taught us to keep it carefully glided! 5 5 5 The reporter who writes about the while his faithful wife is busily engaged en-gaged in collecting his just dues by chasing miscellaneous under breeches up and down the family washboard! The man who has a living coming to him from this world is frequently out of. T'aewig .tobacco and fish hooks. He is apt to be one of those town prune-grabbers prune-grabbers who never pass a grocer's display without taking an apple or a handful of raisins, who is always on hand at a church sociable and was never known to miss a free sugaring-off sugaring-off or a political roast-ox function, since the day the world first became indebted to him. If illness keeps him at home from an invitation to dine out, he recovers slowly and considers the feed a dead loss, and a mean disposition disposi-tion of Providence to bar him from claiming his rightful heritage! Occasionally he is elected to the office of justice of the peace, or town constable, in which nositinn ho .in lucky accident" that befell Mr. Blank whose leg was broken but whose life was miraculously saved has been undone. His undoer says: "The gentleman had fortunately deposited de-posited his money in the bank the day preceding the murder, and lost nothing noth-ing but his life!" That reporter must have been one of the beneficiaries of the unfortunate fortunate's will. This reminds of the town board that resolved to build a new jail. It was further resolved to tear down the old bastile and use the available material in the construction of the new. It was still further resolved to keen th tinues to collect that which is due him, even from the widows and orphans! or-phans! In our mind's eye we can see him as though face to face. His figure fig-ure is stooped from excessive reaching reach-ing after that he has not earned. His clothes are of the vintage of '73. He is nicotine soaked and nicotine smoked. His teetn are foul and his face is leathern. There is a suspicious odor about him that suggests he has not bathed for at least a day and a half. He is an oracle and a wise-guy, an excuse for independent manhood, and a curse to dependent womanhood ! As a pattern after Shakespeare's noble no-ble man, he is about the worst that prisoners in the old jail until the new was completed. A young attorney was prosecuting a widwife accused of throwing the body of a dead child into a ravine ithin the city limits. He soared somewhat and in his soaring referred to the "abandonment of this bit of flesh on the highways of the city where the bears and wolves could trample and devour it." A Maine jury returned a coroner's ever happened! In other words, "he is the limit." 5 5 5 The St. Louis papers are announcing with considerable eclat that the Sultan of Sulu may visit the Louisiana Purchase Pur-chase Exposition. It Is understood that the Individual who promises to attend the St. Louis function is the real Sulu sultan and not the George Ade imitation. imita-tion. Should the sultan decide to come, it is further said that he win bring "his collection of pearls," the finest in the world and possibly his retinue of wives, also alleged to be the finest extant. Many of us are hoping that the Sulu nabob may really and tmly send his wives even if he can notjeome himself with his pearls. We have always had sort of a hankering to see a large-sized harem. A man could stand in front of a big mess of beauty like that and mentally choose ciuici. io me effect that "deceased came to his death by gluttonous living, liv-ing, causing apoplexy in the minds of the jury." We cannot refrain from again mentioning men-tioning the adv. which reads: "Wanted A baby-grand piano by a woman with rosewood legs." An Iowa man who visited New Orleans Or-leans was much impressed with the manner of burial there, and purchasing purchas-ing a lot and vault, he wrote homo the one his fancy fancied. He could also mentally measure the trials of a man with as many wives as that for of course there are no roses In this world without attendant thorns. It is said there are harems in this country, but like the people of Nevr York city who seldom go sightseeing, we miss much of the home entertainment entertain-ment and cannot vouch for the assertion. asser-tion. Be this as it may, a Sulu harem at the St. Louis fair would draw like a mustard plaster on -a dude's back. Welcome, ladies, welcome! j that he desired to be buried therein if God spared his life! A Texas editor, commenting upon a poem in his paper, remarked: "These stanzas were written fifty years ago by one who has, for a long time, slept in his grave merely for pastime!" The orator who remarked that "all along the untrodden paths of the future fu-ture we can see the hidden footprints of an unseen hand," must believe we are going to walk on all fours again, as did our monkey ancestors. |