JOHN HENRY . ON WOULDBE ACTORS, I By HUGH McliUGH H GEORGE Y. HOB ART I voui,D-m: ACTons." Tommy Harper iBn't a bad sort, but he has a bug that ho was put in this world for the purposo of elevating the stage. Tommy thinks he could rush on and play Richard tho Third to such an extent that the audience would rlso up and carry him put on their shoulders. shoul-ders. Perhaps they would dead. Tommy thinks thnt with his volco he could mako Jean de Reszkc's notes look like a bunch of bad monoy. He's out to bet a couplo of seven-dollar seven-dollar bills that he has Herbert Kolcey fanned to a finish,, and that wlien It comes to comedy Francis Wilson nnd Jeff D'Angclls aren't vlslblo on the shell road. He says that If ever he can break Into a play with Mrs. Lesllo Carter ho'll turn such a warm pair of goo-goo goo-goo eyes on her that somebody will havo to get up and yell for tho fire department. But Tommy can't make good with his shape. Ho's as broad across the bosom as Col. Jack Carter. In tho love passages his embonpoint would set him back about threo feet. Ho can wear n full dross suit all right, but after It's Bet he looks llko a load of new-mown hay. Tommy bolongb to the Ancient nnd Honorable Order of Tnck Hammers. Ho always knocks In a lady-like way, and his remarks don't register once In ten. Ho likes to go to a theater and squirt verbal seltzer wnter nil ovor tho place. His language Is all lino nnd dnlsy, but when he turns on the loud pednl he sounds like a dog locked up In the ham. He Is ono ot those dubs who thinks he's missed his calling, and, no doubt, his calling has been shaking hands with itself ever since becauso ho missed the boat I've known Tommy for a long time, bo ho feels freo to read his dopo to mo. Every tlmo a now book comes out Tommy wnnts to get it dramatized and star In It. . Ho. tried Jo not "Janlco Meredith," but Frank McKce cut across lots and headed him off. Tommy had on Idea that. If the part of Washington crossing tho Delaware In "Janlco Meredith" could bo fattened fat-tened up with a couple of topical songs nnd a comedy bit, he'd bo aces for tho road. He says that If ho had seen "David Hnrum" first he would havo made Billy Crano look like a plate of cold potatoes. Tommy told me once thnt If ho could play the opposite part to Marie Dressier tho public would have to bite Its way Into the theater. He thinks ho has Peto Datley down with both shoulders on the carpet. If VT Sff' "IIE'LI. FLASH THK INTKLMUUNCtt ON MB." md the stake-holder Is ladling out tho gate money. 'Tommy has an Idsathat it would be like finding money to dramatize MaJ-Pond's MaJ-Pond's "Kccentrlcltles of Gonlus" nnd let him play all tho people from Ann Eliza Young to Bill Nye. Tommy has bcn after mo to get Dave Bclasco to wrlto him a pjay, but I've stood him off by tolling him that J thought Sardou could fit him better. Rvery day he drives up to my ranch In a hansom to find out If Sardou has cabled yet. I've Just punched out a parcel of paragraphs which I shall turn In to Tommy. I think It will do blm good: "My Dear Tommy: I have at last lecurod a play .for you. "The author wanted $20,000 for It, but we compromised. Ho took 80 cents In cash, and I promised litis the "In the first act you come in with an ax in each hand and you play the piano with the other. Then you go out and borrow a golf suit and some Scotch dialect, and you como on tho stago looking like an Irishman. In this act you have four songs, two solos, a cake-walk and six months In IH Jail If tho audience catches you. "In the second act you will be compelled to disguise yourself nnd look llko n gentleman. You'll need a jH lot of rehearsals for this second act. "In the third act you'll play an elephant The scene Is In a boarding house. You'll have to leave your trunk there. This act will bo ' very funny If anyone laughs at It. "Tho fourth act Is a dramatization of tho Pennsylvania railroad tlmo tables. You should cut quite a figure In this "Tho fifth act is at tho bottom of a well. You play tho pump. You ought to bo a great success if you handlo it with care. "In tho sixth act you play tho races with real money. You'll havo to fur-nlsh fur-nlsh It yoivrself. I'm only your man-agcr man-agcr I'm not a bank. "Tho scene of tho seventh act la laid on top of a mountain. You aro discovered standing on top or tho mountain. Then somebody moves tho mountain. "In tho eighth act you will appear as Tho Prldo of Jennlco, It you don't break your leg when you fall off tho mountain. "In tho ninth act you play tho hose. If the audlonco hasn't gono homo by this tlmo you'll hnve to go out and fl give an Imitation ot Edwin Booth. It that doesn't send thorn homo wo'll call for tho police. "I'm sure you will like the play. Your salary will be $200 a week some "Call and see me nt your earliest convenience. Tako tho elevator. Tliero Isn't anything clso In the building to J offer you. Yours with love, 1 "John HKNnr." LmH You'd think that would detain Tommy temporarily, wouldn't you? But It won't. Ho'll forget It, and day aftor to- aH morrow ho'll (Inch the Intelligence on me thnt ho has Invented a stranglo-hold stranglo-hold lino of business that' will put VLl Looey Harrison on tho blink; and that tsH when It comes to low comedy he has Dan McAvoy going over the hills and LH away to tho woodshed. You know, when a guy like Tommy onco gets tho worm In his noodle that fl he's cut out for an actor y.ou couldn't coax It away with a mallet. (Copyright, by a, W, Dillingham Co.)