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Show Probably "Extra." A visitor at a certain oxposIUoo ' seated at a table in one of the high-priced high-priced restaurants in the exposition grounds, thinking about various things as he read over the bill of fare and observed the prices. "By jingo!" he exclaimed to the waiter. "Haven't you got any cot-science cot-science at all in this place?" "Beg pardon," returned the haughty servitor. "Haven't you got any conscience conscience conscience don't you understand?" un-derstand?" The waiter picked up the bill of fare and began looking it over. "I don't know if we have or cot," he said; "if we have it's on the bill; if we ain't its an extry. Them's the rules, sir." There Are Others. WITH THE HUMORISTS JOKES AND JESTS TURNED OUT BY OFFICIAL FUNMAKER8. An Expensive Kind of Shopping Kind of Scientific Research Summer Girl Was Interested In A Man and His Heart. Home Remedies. The following simple remedies are given for the benefit of those who have formed the habit of taking patent pat-ent medicines. Everybody is advised to give these remedies a fair trial; they surely can do no good and may do some harm: To Cure Toothache When tooth begins to jump tie same down by means of stout rope, so that jumping is impossible. It tooth continues to ache go to some dentist who has a pull. To Cure Insomnia Shut your eyes and count gray sheep, which you must imagine you see jumping over a pair of bars. Count from sheep No. 1 up to sheep No. 57,432. By that time it will be daylight and you will be obliged to get up. To Relieve Distress After Eating Stop eating. To Remove a Wart Try filing it off and if the wart does not succumb to this use a stump puller. If this fails try saying words over it, but don't swear so hard that the neighbors neigh-bors will hear you. Ohio State Journal. Jour-nal. her Researches. "I hope, my dear," her father wrote, He Went shopping to-uay and spent a hundred dollars. She What kind of shopping? He Bucket shopping. Where the Fun Came In. "Oh, yes," said the young housekeeper, house-keeper, "I keep a complete set of household account books, and It's more fun than a little." "Fun!" ejaculated the neighbor. "Yes, indeed. I enjoyed it so much." "Enjoy what?" "that you are not frittering away your time at the seashore. "Certainly not," she replied. "I am engaged in scientific research." Thereupon the father was so pleased that he wrote to bis wife for further particulars. "As near as I can make out," was the reply he received, "her scientific research consists of a deep interest In sun-spots. She is flirting with a freckle-faced youth." A Hot One. "Why, watching my husband trying to straighten them out for me, of course. I get him to do it about ouco a week." A Man and His Heart. Once upon a time there was a rich old man who had a heart so weak that its faint lipalin.as cnulil hardly bo heard; yet, in the metaphor of our time, that same heart was l;;hl with love for a fairy lady. The lauy heard of her wee py's physical phys-ical anil financial t'ounilion. and looked upen his suit. with extotne :a-vur. :a-vur. The result was that t.n v. ere married. Moral Faint heart :':ir the- s v. h.s fair lady. ( I - ,y . I ; .v,v v. Conscience Forhh':. A. Way didn't y,.:t ; a:.rn ! a'.' ' j For; iner on h :s ma r::i : '.' B. I con: In't c. :'.-: ..Fcuisiy do that; I don't l a.o.v his who. A. Well, t i i ii you might l.avo v h lied le-r j: y. n. I couldn't r : i'o t; for I d k;:o- For:.,. '. :- i a ii Field. Inrrarar.ce. Sweet thirl I am loved by i ... . and I cannot lush" up iny mind which, to man;.'. Wha: wo'.iM yon nevi-e? Old I.:idy--Cot both to insure their lives in your favor anil then wait until un-til one of them dies. That will insuro the constancy of the other. New ork Weekly. An Artistic Triumph. Artist (to fair crit ic )--What do you think of my picture of a peasant girl? Fair Critic Perfectly lovely. But where did you ever get the model for such a lovely picture hat? Artist (sadly)- -That's not a pirturo hat. Sho i carrying home a bundle of bay. I Ncwrieho SI re words can't express i my great love for yon. Miss Cuti ieg Try figures, then. j His Coul ter Question, j Mrs'. Hawhbill (severely) 13 it ! true, Captain, that you shouted to your ; men to give the enemy er hell? Captain PlankbUuik Well, madam, what should I have ordered them to give the enemy hand-painted firescreens? fire-screens? Judge. A Gentle Hint. Charles And now that you are going go-ing down to the beach I hope you will not forget me. I think I will put a string around your finger. Catharine (coyly) Why not a ring? |