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Show IN THE DAYS OF ABRAHAM. Dr. Edward Everett Hale tells us that Charles Elliott, the historian, when asked if he believed Abraham lived 1G0 years, replied: "Why not? He had no bad whisky to drinlc, no primaries to attend, and no newspapers to read." Now that raises' another question. What was the use of his living 1G0 years if he had none of those things? What a stupid old chap he must have become? He did not know how the Fourteenth Four-teenth ward was going in the next election; he did not know the sentiments of his nearest neighbor neigh-bor in that land of Ur, for he had never seen him drunk, and without newspapers, how did he know whethe' Diaz was elected the last time, or who the last man in Prussia was who was sent to jail for 1G5 days for the crime of les majesty? The chances are that he did not die at all, that he I merely dried up physically and mentally and disappeared. dis-appeared. He reached that point when he did not seem to care whether Apostle Smoot was seated in the senate or not, whether Apostle Heber Grant had sung any Japanese to death or not, or how Salt Lake City was going to vote for councilmen at the next election. What was the use of his living for 1G0 years? What improvements im-provements had he made on that stock ranch of his in the land of Ur? Or was it true that, having all the springs, he commanded all the range within seven miles of his springs in every direction, and so bought the poor stock of his neighbors for a song, and when he had the animals ani-mals fattened sold the beef at shameful profits? Then how does Mr. Elliott know that he did not drink reguloWy as tough whisky as was ever manufactured in an illicit still in eastern Tennessee? Ten-nessee? He was the head of the ruling race in his day, was he not? Did Mr. Elliott ever know of a ruling race that was not made up of whisky drinkers? Let him look around the world and zee who is controlling it, and see if they are not- whisky-drinking nations every one. Did Mr. Elliott El-liott never hear of the Scotch clergyman who wont fishing with one of the brothers of the flock? They traveled all the forenoon over the rocks and through the brush to reach the stream. They opened the package that held the luncheon lunch-eon on the bank of the stream. By some accident acci-dent they dropped the lunch. The bottle with the Scotch whisky struck a boulder and broke and the herrings and bread floated away on the stream. All was silence for a few seconds, when at last the clergyman in a broken voice said: "Sandy, you are a lay member, have you nothing to say?" Because Abraham said nothing, is it certain that he never drank? We would have never learned that Noah took his regular toddies, except ex-cept for that one time when he overworked the game and made a spectacle of himself. Whisky is a tough beverage, but the fighting men of the world have always turned to it since it was first invented. Then our belief is that as many men kill themselves from over-eating as from drink. We suspect that was what really killed Abraham at the early age (early compared com-pared with Methuselah) of 160 years. He came in from the range, was tired and hungry; there was roast lamb for dinner and he ate about a quarter of lamb. It was circulated around the neighborhood that he had appendicitis, and in three days there was a funeral. Had ho stuck to plain whisky and bread he might have lived 500 years. |